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To leave my husband??

(6 Posts)
Mum2Hallie Wed 19-Oct-16 19:54:56

I feel like I'm hanging at the edge of a precipice and can't decide whether to pull back or throw us all off!

DH and I have been together 7.5 years, married for 2, and have a DD (6). I'd just got out of a long term and abusive relationship when we met and he was kind and nice to me so, although I didn't really see that we were a good fit long term, after the twenty millionth time he asked me out, I figured "why not??" - after all, look where following passion and 'love' had gotten me!! It went along fine but, after the initial shine wore off, I found out a lot about him I didn't like (and vice versa I think too probably!) He was a very prolific liar (almost compulsive), I found he had an over inflated ego, pretty immature, loads of debt issues trying to be flash, etc, etc. So I was about to end it a year in (but was thinking it was complicated as we were renting together at the time - HA!) but then found out I was pregnant.... long story short, I didn't leave him.

We decided to give it a try - he was an unsupportive arse during the pregnancy and when DD was a baby, but has actually turned out to be a great dad, adores our DD, has grown up a lot and sorted out his debt issues, etc.


I don't love him.

I don't think he loves me (he does say he does though)

We are essentially two people who share a mortgage and a daughter. I'm miserable. I want out.

But how do I do this to our DD? She would be devastated. Kids from divorced home statistics scare me. I could afford to take over our mortgage (I am main breadwinner, we just bought it a few months back and deposit was all my savings) but money would be tight, childcare would be complicated (we both work full time) and life would be hard, im sure.

Do I suck it up? Is the alternative worse? Am I just taking my life for granted and will hate myself for throwing it away??

God, I don't know.

Do I jump, or do I stay


crayfish Wed 19-Oct-16 19:56:30

Leave. The alternative to being in an unhappy, loveless relationship is rarely worse.

Wishfulmakeupping Wed 19-Oct-16 19:58:05

Leave op, I think your dd would rather 2 happy separated parents than miserable ones together.

biggles50 Wed 19-Oct-16 20:16:39

Staying together willl only make you unhappy. If you're unhappy then your daughter and husband will be. Have a talk with him and discuss a trial separation. Your daughter will never say "I wish you'd stayed together"

Nonameyet1 Wed 19-Oct-16 20:25:24

Happiness is so important and life is too short. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I was brought up by a strong, determined mother (who worked full time) and she made it work.
Only you know if you can put up with a loveless marriage but it sounds as you already know your answer. Sending you good luck what ever you decide!

MsVestibule Wed 19-Oct-16 20:29:42

Under your circumstances, I would leave. The financial costs will be high, but it will be worth it in the long run.

What would you do about custody/residency of your DD.

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