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Prepared to be flamed BUT ITS NOT A SO**ING DRESSING ROOM

(33 Posts)
user1476879603 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:39:07

Ok, so DS 18 moves out. We have three bedrooms upstairs and a bathroom with a bath. Downstairs has been heavily expanded so we have the room to expand our bedroom to incorporate a large walk in dressing room and a wet room. This will hopefully be done next year. DD has one room and we have the other.

However, my gripe is is that I am up very early and normally leave the house for work before anyone is even up so DH put my dressing table in DS room when he moved out so that I wouldn't wake him up, We keep having the same stupid argument as my DH says that I am very lucky and ungrateful to have my own "dressing room" - in reality its a spare room I use not to wake anyone else up. We even nearly split up over it as I wont back down.

It is a SPARE room with some of my stuff in it - not a sodding dressing room. I use this room so that I don't wake up DH or DD.

Now, if I had the extension I want, I could shower upstairs, organise all my clothes and get ready in style. I see this totally different.

DS has also moved back in and I feel like he should have his room back as the downstairs spare room is slightly damp (wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have 20 wet towels all over the floor). I feel DS should has his room back - DH & I don't have an active sex life so cant see the problem.

So, am I an ungrateful B""CH like DH calls me?

BeautifulMaudOHara Wed 19-Oct-16 13:42:01

I wouldn't tolerate being called an ungrateful bitch tbh.

But YANBU, it's not a dressing room if you can't use it!

whifflesqueak Wed 19-Oct-16 13:42:05

I just took about a minute to figure out what so**ing meant.

you can swear you know. and I'm not even sure sodding is an expletive.

LifeLong13 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:44:07

I have a dressing room and it is defiantly not just a room where I have my make up desk

No you are not being unreasonable!

SleepFreeZone Wed 19-Oct-16 13:45:33

I can't help but smile at these threads as the punchline is always at the end, like the throw away comment as you leave the doctors office that indicates a serious illness. This isn't about the 'dressing room' it's far bigger than that and I assume has no ex life and bring called names at the heart of it.

SleepFreeZone Wed 19-Oct-16 13:46:13


Arfarfanarf Wed 19-Oct-16 13:49:06

O think being called an ungrateful bitch is your biggest problem.

Who do you have to be grateful to? Him? Thank you husband for this life you provide?

Fuck that.

Re the dressing room yes if it means you will be pottering about and disturbing people who are trying to sleep then thats unreasonable.
But if you are adapting a current bedroom then the solution is simple. Keep the existing door that connects to the corridor. then you leave the bedroom via the connecting door, use the wetroom and dressing room and leave by the other door and how is that going to disturb him any more?

NoooorthonerMum Wed 19-Oct-16 13:50:04

YADNBU. Sounds like your "D"H is just using this as an excuse to have a go at you. I wouldn't tolerate being called an ungrateful bitch even if I had a dressing room, ensuite and hair and make up team to help me get ready.

squishee Wed 19-Oct-16 13:51:57

Should this be in Relationships? You've got so much going on here that I'm not sure what you're asking.
And you can say sodding on here.

user1476879603 Wed 19-Oct-16 13:59:47

He says that I'm ungrateful for everything which I'm not like we just had new tiles laid after having a black floor for 3 years and I said I didn't know if I could get used to it as it was so bright. I wasn't being ungrateful and anyways, my family paid for this work to be done.

I don't think he loves me and is only with me for our very young surprise DD as if we split up, I would move 3 hours away to be near my family.

He can be so nice but then he just switches.

I don't give a damn where I get ready BUT I do know that a spare room with a table and makeup is not a dressing room parse.

I work full time to put our DD through school and so that he drives a nice car, let him sleep in every weekend but if I mention anything I do for him, he says why do I bother as all I do is throw it back in his face. ARGH!!

BlancheBlue Wed 19-Oct-16 14:07:57

If you have a very young DD then you must have recently had a fairly active sex life?

Arfarfanarf Wed 19-Oct-16 14:07:58

But why do you need to be grateful?

He wants you to be grateful to him.

For what?

Im so grateful to you because my family paid for work on this house.

Im so grateful to you because i get up and go to work while you are still in bed.

Im so grateful to you because of the car i bought you

What is this gratitude he expects?

What does he actually do that requires gratitude.

And do NOT give me a list of basic fucking crap that any fully functioning adult should be doing as a minimum!

Why are you with him? I guess that's the question, given how awful he sounds is this the life you want and if not can you make changes to it?

abigwideworld Wed 19-Oct-16 14:12:59

The dressing room isn't the problem here. It sounds like you two are really unhappy. If you don't think he loves you then you need to talk to him about this and come to a decision.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Wed 19-Oct-16 14:25:17

We even nearly split up over it as I wont back down.

You almost split up over whether a room is called a dressing room or not? Have you been complaining about the wet room etc not being finished? Why has he called you ungrateful. I'm confused!

ZippyNeedsFeeding Wed 19-Oct-16 14:29:27

Does he mean more that some people don't have the space for a room just for getting dressed and you should appreciate that? Perhaps he thinks you are a bit spoiled and should just make the best of it rather than suggesting that you somehow owe him gratitude. I'm not saying that you are, by the way, just that he may feel like this.

The work on the house that your family paid for- how does he feel about that? Would they also pay for the extension you want?

BlancheBlue Wed 19-Oct-16 14:30:40

Tbh your whole relationship and domestic situation sounds like very hard work

APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 19-Oct-16 14:39:21

Whether you call it a dressing room or not is the least of your problems tbh. (fwiw our dressing room has clothes racks, shoe racks, drawers, shelving, hat boxes, mannequin, etc - it's not a room with a dressing table).

It sounds as though he's saying you already have a dressing room - is that the problem? And you're saying that you don't have a dressing room just somewhere to do your make-up so you don't wake him up? If that's the case then yy you are right.

But the name calling, need for gratitude and lack of sex are bigger problems.

CotswoldStrife Wed 19-Oct-16 14:41:15

This seems a very trivial matter to threaten to separate over. Is there an underlying reason why you've gone straight to drama central over it?

jasmine1979 Wed 19-Oct-16 14:42:35

I can see why you don't think that this is a proper dressing room op but to be honest it does make you sound a bit spoilt.
I think this is the least of your worries though. Do you still love your husband? It doesn't sound like you have any respect at all for him.
Your relationship sounds horrible at the moment and like it requires a lot of work from both sides. Is there a good reason you have no sex life?
Why on earth are your family paying for work to be done on your house? I'd wonder how your husband really feels about that, and just how involved your family are in things that possibly would generally be decided between husband and wife?
Idon't mean any of this to sound harsh, just that this post isn't really about a sodding dressing room is it?

PickAChew Wed 19-Oct-16 14:48:34

Whether something counts as a dressing room or not is mere hot air in contrast to the fact that you have a husband that you no longer have sex with and who repeatedly calls you a bitch.

One of these issues needs urgent attention and it's not the dressing room.

toptoe Wed 19-Oct-16 14:53:51

You don't deserve to be called either ungrateful or a bitch. He's got a chip on his shoulder and is bringing you down to make himself feel better.

PatriciaHolm Wed 19-Oct-16 14:58:34

Your relationship is dead but you are picking fights about what you call a room?

Doesn't sound as if either of you care about the other any more. Wouldn't you all be happier apart? Your little girl shouldn't be living in this atmosphere.

ProseccoBitch Wed 19-Oct-16 15:12:08

Who cares what you each call the room? I say sitting room and DP says living room, we don't have relationbship-threatening arguments about it!

shovetheholly Wed 19-Oct-16 15:24:20

Am I misreading this, or is the substance of the argument (we'll come to the behaviour in a minute) really about you demanding an extension and your DH not really wanting to do one and saying you are already 'lucky' to have the existing space? If so, what are the reasons he gives for not wanting to build further?

Secondly, the behaviour. It is not OK for him to call you a bitch, or to fling off in a huff every time you say anything critical. And it's not really OK for him to only be with you for your DD either. I would be far more worried about those things than about the physical structure of your house. It's not like having a proper dressing room is going to turn him into Prince Bloody Charming, and it's really no compensation for a sexless, loveless marriage. Maybe, instead of building further, it's worth considering whether you really want to live together at all?

NovemberInDailyFailLand Wed 19-Oct-16 15:40:56

Y*u don't have a dr***ing room problem. You have a DH problem. And a s*x problem.

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