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To expect a better division of parenting? more help even?

(2 Posts)
FP239 Wed 19-Oct-16 12:16:44

My husband and I haven't lived together for several years but are still very close. We live half a mile apart and things have worked pretty well up until 6 months ago. For context, I am unable to work at the moment as I have a pretty serious life limiting illness that is unpredictable. But I am now in effect a full time single mum to my 3 kids between 5 and 15 . I am also in the final year of a degree and carer for my autistic child.

Previously, (when he was out of work) he would do 50% of the parenting of our kids and have them to stay at his house as often as they wanted etc. But he started work after retraining in a new job he loves about 6 months ago and since then I think he has done maybe 4 morning school runs and 1-2 after school pick ups. For context, the 2 morning school runs takes me 30-60 minutes a day depending on traffic and the same in the evening. I am also doing 90% of the evening club runs too. The kids have stayed at his maybe 20 nights all together since he started work.

I know he is out working 12-14 hours a day, he works hard and doesn't begrudge handing over money for whatever I need. I know he gets tired ( don't we all?) so I do everything I can to try and make our time together as easy as possible. I cook his evening meal a few times a week and also do his washing so when he comes here he can spend an hour or two playing with the kids before bed. He stays with us 2-3 times a week and is out at 5am. He has no hobbies, doesn't go out with friends etc and previously his kids were his life and he was a wonderful loving, caring dad.

Anyway. A few days back he said that he had today off as he had a workman coming to the flat to do some work and get a quote. I was thrilled, I assumed he would be having the kids so I could have a break from last nights dancing group pick up run at 5, 7 and then 9pm and then he would drop the kids off this morning. He turned up here, ate his dinner and then looked shocked at me telling the kids to get ready.

Apparently he couldn't do it as A- he was too tired and B- he couldn't leave his flat this morning at 8.20 to do the first school run of 5 minutes ( I was going to do the longer one anyway) as the man might turn up.

AIBU for thinking that his excuses are just a load of shit? I just told him that I am worried he is becoming one of "those" dad's that is always fobbing his kids off and letting the mother carry the domestic work load while he watches me break under the strain while he does just his job and nothing more. I am really struggling with physical health issues here and feel like I am drowning in exhaustion and uni work. When I have a workman coming to my home I STILL manage to get my kids to school!! he really doesn't seem to see this and says I am being ridiculous.

HereIAm20 Wed 19-Oct-16 15:16:02

Why are you still cooking and washing for him? Does he pay maintenance and does he have set contact times with kids at his house? I wonder if not whether everythibg is too flexible.

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