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To say no to MIL who we haven't seen since April!

(36 Posts)
pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 19:45:44

Just to get some reassurance that I'm not just being a hormonal cow hmm

The last time MIL made the effort to come over, see us, or let her visit her was April the 27th.

We try every week to make contact, however she's always busy with work/other grandchild/tired. Anyway, we carry on asking as we really would like to see her and for her to be an active part of our 3DCs lives.

I am 30 weeks pregnant with number 4, she text today saying ' DH said you'd let me come to a scan, you haven't invited me to any' as I had a growth scan this afternoon, afterwards she text 'send pic then' and I haven't.

To be honest I want to reply saying something about how I thought she wouldn't have the time for growth scans considering she can't see us or the children for over 25 weeks...

fc301 Tue 18-Oct-16 19:49:12

Ugh! Ignore.
Then let DH deal with it.

Optimist3 Tue 18-Oct-16 19:53:18

Just say 'id much rather see you another time so we can have a proper catch up'

ssd Tue 18-Oct-16 19:53:23

send a pic in a few weeks and if she complains say you were busy with work/other grandchild/tired

play her at her own game

Trifleorbust Tue 18-Oct-16 19:54:35

Urgh. Why should you invite relatives to your scans? So intrusive.

ToadsforJustice Tue 18-Oct-16 19:58:49

Ignore her. Stop trying to encourage contact each week. Let her make the effort.

duxb Tue 18-Oct-16 20:00:32

Why did your DH say that you'd let her come to a scan? If your relationship is as strained as it is, why would that be a suitable option for something so personal? If she has been given the impression that you'd invite her and you haven't, then your husband needs to sort that out and explain.

usual Tue 18-Oct-16 20:03:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nephrofox Tue 18-Oct-16 20:04:22

Say you'd prefer she spent her limited time on building a relationship with the walking talking grandchildren you've already birthed, rather than hanging around a hospital to view a picture on a screen

pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 20:05:49

My DH actually hasn't told her she can come to anything, but she often says 'oh DH said....' So I'll agree to things.

I'm just annoyed, I feel like this is really rude and I would be embarrassed to ask to come when I have grandchildren here who she cannot see but an unborn baby on a screen and suddenly she can find time!

CrohnicallyPregnant Tue 18-Oct-16 20:06:32

Did you even get a pic for a growth scan? I didn't. And I wasn't allowed anyone other than DH in the scan room. People forget, it's a medical procedure, not done for fun!

If you do have pics then I'd suggest saying 'well, you can look at the pics next time you come over...'

pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 20:07:58

They are lovely at our hospital and always give us pictures should we want them, I paid for some for her last time which she's yet to collect so I feel a bit petty but I have purposely not facebooked them to her. Why should she be able to show off these scan pictures when she can't be bothered...

usual Tue 18-Oct-16 20:09:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyPregnant Tue 18-Oct-16 20:09:58

There you go then- remind her you still have the photos waiting for her and 'seeing as you're too busy to pop by and pick them up I didn't think you had the time spare to come to the scan!'

CrohnicallyPregnant Tue 18-Oct-16 20:10:34

It's not exactly tit for tat- the OP has some photos waiting, all MIL has to do is collect them!

Lymmmummy Tue 18-Oct-16 20:12:37

Agree with PP ignore

Her whole behaviour seems extremely high handed and ignorant

I would also knock it on the head with contacting her making all the effort - I would just take a step back from her - if she gets a bit nasty tell DH to deal with her - keep it cordial but a bit more distant

mum11970 Tue 18-Oct-16 20:14:44

How far away does MIL live? I take it you haven't been to see her either. Contact works both ways.

pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 20:15:03

To be honest I think if I didn't make contact first with her each week we wouldn't hear from her at all.

DH is saying when baby comes along she'll want to be first to be at the hospital visiting but he's said to tell her to forget it, I've had a rough pregnancy and her help at some stages would of been appreciated, seeing as she has her DDS child everyday of the week it's not like she doesn't like children.

pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 20:16:10

Mum - in my messages I always say 'let's catch up this weekend, you are welcome to come to us or we can pop to you' so it is completely in her favour.

She lives 10 minutes away by car.

ImperialBlether Tue 18-Oct-16 20:18:38

I don't understand grandparents like this. Surely when your children have children your family expands? You don't just cut them off!

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck Tue 18-Oct-16 20:36:19

"he's said to tell her to forget it"

No, HE should tell her to forget it. She's his mother, not yours!

moreslackthanslick Tue 18-Oct-16 20:37:16

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pumpkinpiesforsupper Tue 18-Oct-16 20:39:49

I am working, 9-3pm so my hours don't get in the way of meeting up or anything.

I'm not sure what you mean by the 'rate I'm reproducing'

Bogeyface Tue 18-Oct-16 20:54:03

Perhaps she isn't thrilled at the rate you're reproducing? Just a thought. Are you working?

WTF?! Who the hells business is it of anyones except the OP and her DH?

Or do you think that she should have a fucking family wide referendum the next time she wants to have a baby?

kerryob Tue 18-Oct-16 20:58:51

Perhaps she isn't thrilled at the rate you're reproducing? Just a thought. Are you working?

What has that got to do with anything op has posted!?!?

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