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To be pissed off re hundreds of photos of my DP and all of his exes on his laptop?

(58 Posts)
Simplecountrygirl Tue 18-Oct-16 18:23:50

Been together 3 years. Had to use his laptop this afternoon, it was open on his pictures but recent ones to be fair. I admit I was naughty and had a snoop.

I'm not joking when I say there are hundreds of pictures of him and all of his exes from the past 7-8 years.

One girl in particular he seemed to enjoy taking photos of because there are loads of her, smiling at him in restaurants, in cars, taking photos when she's unaware on days out, couple selfies etc.

Likewise another one, I don't know how many couple selfies there were. As well as some underwear pics of her, pics of her in bikinis on their holidays etc.

Cut yo us, he's never taken a 'selfie' of us together, he's never taken a photo of me (that I've been aware of) he just acts like he's not bothered about all of that. (I'm skinny and attractive, and not as arrogant as I sound btw, just for illustrative purposes for this post)

I guess I feel a bit pissed off because one he's been complaining his laptop is slow ATM, well I'm not bloody surprised with all that lot on there and 2) because like I say, he never really takes any pictures or anything like that of us or me!

I don't think they're on his iPad or phone, I think they're stored on his iCloud which is why they are coming up in pictures on his Mac.

AIBU to feel annoyed? Would you/ should I say something?

legotits Tue 18-Oct-16 18:26:01

Go and get any photos of your own exs blown up, framed and fucking wall mounted.

Mummyshortlegz Tue 18-Oct-16 18:26:35

He had a life before you, I'm sure I have photos of exes on my laptop if I looked back. That was my life and I don't think I should have to airbrush or delete it. They aren't on a slideshow on my screen saver but if i dug you could find them.

Maybe he's enjoying being in the moment with you and grown up a bit and no longer feels the need to photograph every moment?


PotteringAlong Tue 18-Oct-16 18:28:24

Yes, YABU. Why should he delete photos if years of his life from before he met you?

Fourormore Tue 18-Oct-16 18:29:56

I have no idea what's in my iCloud. Has he accessed them recently? Or were they uploaded when he was with them and they're just still there and he's not bothered deleting them?

Arfarfanarf Tue 18-Oct-16 18:33:25

It would bother me if he had lots of photos of them but not me.
Childish. Maybe. But it's only human to wonder why.

So ask him.

You've been with someone three years. You should be able to speak about something that bothers you.

Suggest he moves his huge collection of photos of his exes to cloud storage to free up space.

Say it might be nice to add a pic or two of you if he ever feels like it.

LilyRose88 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:36:22

I think it is natural to feel jealous at pictures of a partner with an ex and he does seem to have a lot of 'memories' on his laptop. I put up with this for ages with my partner (who also took very few photos of me) and had loads of photos of an ex of his. I finally put my foot down when we bought a house together by suggesting that it was time to review the many photos he had of his ex. Interestingly he was very jealous of my exes so it was a massive double standard.

Personally I would say something, but I know that not everyone will agree with me. I think it is very much down to how it makes you feel.

BowieFan Tue 18-Oct-16 18:36:52

Yes, YABU. Why should he forget his life before you? If they're on iCloud it's very possible he's forgotten they were there.

DP seems to have no problems with the huge canvas print of me and my friends at uni and my ex is on the photo. I've not been with him for nearly 20 years, but I love that photo. It reminds me of an amazing time in my life and DP has no issue with it at all.

leaveittothediva Tue 18-Oct-16 18:38:16

Couldn't his ex have just been one of these girls really into selfies, you know what they are like, everyone is dragged into it, maybe he was too. Even if he wasn't that keen. Just a thought.

heron98 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:40:54

You are being unreasonable. What's he supposed to do, delete all his photos? People have pasts, it's a fact of life.

SnakesandKnives Tue 18-Oct-16 18:41:08

I also think it's a previous life and shouldn't need covering up.

I've also lost count of the number of friends who suddenly developed a 'serious photography habit' (translation: buy a lot of fucking expensive gear and take thousand pictures of arty shit) who dropped said habit just as suddenly.

I reckon some friends lofts must have a pharaoh fortune in lenses in them!

milkyface Tue 18-Oct-16 18:41:49

YANBU. It's weird. It's not unusual to delete photos of your ex girlfriend, in fact I'd say it was pretty normal.

I'd print them out and frame them to make a point if it being weird and I'd ask why he didn't bother with me.

Maybe I'm childish but I don't want photos of other people my dp has loved / slept with tbh

user0208 Tue 18-Oct-16 18:44:23

I had similar with my DP, although we came across them together when he was trying to show me something else. He claimed she was always asking him to take her photo (hence why they were so many) and he had simply forgotten they were there. True or not they soon disappeared thankfully

HedgehogHedgehog Tue 18-Oct-16 18:46:25

I think YABU. The problem seems to be that you are insecure about it not that he has the photos. Keeping photos stored is fairly common and doesnt mean a person still has feeling sfor any ex. I have thousands of photos stored on my laptop from throughout my life and i would never delete any of them just because they may contain someone i used to sleep with. Its not like these are framed photos he has up around the place or a picture in his wallet... these are just things from his past hes kept stored. I personally feel its quite ridiculous to expect someone to delete their entire history and pretend it never happened.
I think maybe there are other issues here in that you dont feel secure for some reason? If you want more photos of you and him perhaps you need to instigate that? It may not be the case that he was the one who wanted to to take all these selfies. I think that if i didnt take photos of me and my husband there would actually be no photos because he doesnt really care either way about photos. He sometimes takes them on very special occasions like teh birth of our child but in general doesnt bother with them. However he does have loads of photos amongst his stuff in a chest of drawers that do contain pics of him with various exes on holiday etc and i tend to think that as with the all the photos i take of us together, they were probs the idea of his exes. I dont actually mind them at all, i find them quite interesting... especially his previous taste in shirts and haircuts!!!!

Simplecountrygirl Tue 18-Oct-16 18:47:05

If it was just one ex then yes, that could be a possibility, but it was with all his previous exes by the look of it

BowieFan Tue 18-Oct-16 18:47:19

Can't believe there are people saying YANBU!

In many cases, those might be the only photos he has of himself at that time. There's a lovely photo of me, my granddad and my ex that I treasure. It's the only photo I've got of me as an adult and my granddad before he was ill, as he took ill quite quickly when I went to uni. Yes, I'd prefer if my ex wasn't on it, but if I'd have got rid of the photos of us together, I wouldn't have that photo of my granddad.

worridmum Tue 18-Oct-16 18:47:35

really its weird to not airbrush your history? my god the judgy stuff I have photos of me and my exs in an album from my university days should i go and burned the whole album because i am not currently with those exs ?

Maybe its normal if the exs broke your heart aka cheated or something but if the end was reletively amicble i dont see the reason to air brush them out of your history....

milkyface Tue 18-Oct-16 18:49:21

I just don't get why you'd keep photos of just your ex, or just you and ex.. I mean why? Do you look through them and think of the good times or what? I think that's odd when you're in a new relationship!

coffeetasteslikeshit Tue 18-Oct-16 18:53:04

It's a bit strange that he doesn't take photos of you, but other than that, it's not weird at all imo. Why don't you just ask him about it?

BowieFan Tue 18-Oct-16 18:55:02

It's completely possible to have an amicable end to a relationship you know? You can still be friends!

To me, there's nothing weird about it. Love to me has been different for every relationship I've been in. There's things I'd do about my relationships, but it doesn't mean I regret them. I don't see why it's a bad thing to be able to look back and see some of the good times we had together.

DP is the same. Why should my life before him be wiped from history? I had great times with my ex. We broke up because we wanted different things, and then I met DP. Doesn't mean I regret my relationship with my ex, I loved him at the time and I still am in contact with him now as we cross paths sometimes at conferences and the like.

legotits Tue 18-Oct-16 18:55:11

It's not just pics of them together.

I wouldn't like my DP having hundreds of photos of any other woman (cept her Maj) and certainly not bloody underwear and bikini shots.

Life marking ones, interesting ones, sure.

Underwear shots of someone he loved and slept with? Too far.

Gottagetmoving Tue 18-Oct-16 18:58:15

I wish I had kept or had photos of all my exes. I can't remember exactly what some of them looked like and it would be nice to look back on them.
You either know he loves you or he doesn't..If he does then the old pics don't matter. If he doesn't then think about whether it's worth carrying on your relationship.
My DP and I have hardly any photos of us together because we both can't be bothered taking them and because we know we will see each other every day forever...hopefully.

coffeetasteslikeshit Tue 18-Oct-16 18:58:25

I just don't get why you'd keep photos of just your ex, or just you and ex.. I mean why? Do you look through them and think of the good times or what? I think that's odd when you're in a new relationship!

Why? Because they're my memories. Yes, I look through them and think of the good times, because they're photos of the good times. I didn't much bother with taking photos of the bad times!

But when I say good times, it's more along the lines of, 'ooo didn't me and ex have a good time when we went to Italy? Such lovely cafes, perfect for people watching'. Not along the lines of, 'ooo didn't me and ex have a good time when we went to Italy? I can't imagine ever going with anyone else because HE was what made it good'.

228agreenend Tue 18-Oct-16 18:59:06

I think I would worry if there were loads of pictures of one particular ex. The fact that they are of all his ex's is less worrying, as others have said, it's simply his past history, and nothing more? I can understand why you are shocked though. I think I would feel a bit upset also.

Googlebabe Tue 18-Oct-16 19:02:38

I have not deleted any pictures of my exes and I and do not intend to. This is my life and want to remember it. Also, as my age progresses, I take much, much less photos than before.
I totally understand why it would bother you, trust me. But it is not really an issue as such. However, for you to feel this insecure, I am sure there are other issues that have provoked your feelings.

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