This was my main reason for joining mumsnet but I was really nervous about what replies I might get.
This will be hugely identifying but I need to give details inorder to get genuine opinions.
When I was 11 my Sister died suddenly at the age of 14. She contracted a dangerous strain of flu and could not be saved. Over a few days she got more ill until one night she was lay on the sofa being sick and her breathing went like a rattle. Eventually the ambulance arrived but she was dead.
I was always honest about her and was quite open about the fact I had a Sister. Just two years later my Brother developed psychosis and committed suicide. I was walking along with him and he committed suicide in a very gruesome manner at the age of 16 .I had to identify his body (or remains as would be more appropriate). I came from a middle class, well respected family. It was a huge shock to the town I was from.
After my Brother died I just didn't feel able to let new people know about the deaths and when asked if I have siblings I just say I have one Brother. He has a Learning Disability.
When I do tell people they are absolutely gobsmacked and just don't know what to say so out comes the inevitable 'I'm so sorry for your loss'. I don't find it helpful eventhough I know people mean well. If I'd lost just one sibling I don't think that would be that shocking as a lot of people sadly have. Or if they'd both died in the same incident, again, it might be easier. But the two separate incidents and particularly the way my Brother die are so tragic. And people do ask how they died when you explain they are dead. A lot of people have siblings that die aged about 40 upwards, but early teens is so shocking and different.
My ex partner (and best friend) knows and so do his family but absolutely no one except family friends know anything. I come across as privileged when you first meet me and all people know of me is I'm privately educated, come from a middle class family and have a professional job. They somehow associate that as not having had hardship in my life. Although I'm now a single parent and life isn't easy. They would never imagine I had such tragedy.
I'm not sure if I should tell me closest friends about my past.They have no idea I had siblings that died. How would I even go about letting them know? I feel that I'm hiding my Siblings by not telling people about them but I just don't want the awkwardness. Was I unreasonable not to have said anything for years? AIBU to never mention them to anyone? My friends have never met my parents of anyone from my hometown so this is how people haven't found out already.
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AIBU?
To not mention my two siblings that died in tragic circumstances **trigger warning: suicide. Warning added by MNHQ**
46 replies
user1476781406 · 18/10/2016 13:46
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