Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

To say no to these visitors?

27 replies

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee · 18/10/2016 13:14

Brief bit of background: DH and I both have stressful jobs, DC are little.

We are going on a two week holiday in July. Can't wait. Anyway, DH's cousin, who we don't know very well and lives abroad, has just announced she will visit our area with husband and her two DC in July, and it would be nice to see us. DH would like to invite them to stay with us. They'd be arriving two days before we go on holiday, and staying one day after, meaning they'd be responsible for things like emptying bins / fridge etc before they leave.

AIBU to find this a bit too much? Four people who are essentially strangers in my house while I prepare and pack for the holiday while finishing off what needs to be finished at work and look after DC?

There are very nice and affordable hotels nearby.... Happy to meet them / host a dinner etc but don't think I want the house guests...

OP posts:

Report

SaucyJack · 18/10/2016 13:16

YANBU.

Have they actually hinted at staying for 3 days?

Hoppinggreen · 18/10/2016 13:17

I wouldn't .
Help them find a hotel

TheWitTank · 18/10/2016 13:18

Hell no.

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee · 18/10/2016 13:20

I don't think they have asked to stay, but DH feels we should offer...

OP posts:

JoJoSM2 · 18/10/2016 13:22

I wouldn't. I'd say it be great to meet up, pack a few days in advance and spend the day before you go away with them.

ImperialBlether · 18/10/2016 13:24

The last thing you want is visitors in your house just before you go away. And what if you don't like them and they're in your house after you've gone? No. He could invite them some other time, but not then. It would spoil the holiday.

hopetobehappy · 18/10/2016 13:27

I don't understand why DH wants to invite them to stay when it'll clash with YOUR holiday. There's so many things to think of just before you go away, you don't need distractions from visitors. But then to leave them in your house after you've gone and trust them to leave house in order and lock up, (what would they do with keys) is just ridiculous.

A nice day spent in their company and then a meal out at night time will have to do. I'm sure when they know that you're going away they'll understand.

mouldycheesefan · 18/10/2016 13:29

No. Just say we will unfortunately be away some of that time but it would be good to see you on X date. As we will be in the midst of packing I suggest we meet for a pub meal (or whatever you think suits you. No hosting for meals or accommodation.)

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee · 18/10/2016 13:29

Ah glad I'm not being U. I do understand he wants to be welcoming etc.

I've just realised we'd also rely on them to lock all doors / set alarm / give keys to neighbours.

Just too much hassle!

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 18/10/2016 13:29

Definite don't offer then if they don't even seem to want to stay. For all you know, they'd be as horrified as you at the thought of staying for three days in a strange person's house while they pack up to go on holiday.

Just have them round for dinner.

ProseccoBitch · 18/10/2016 13:31

YANBU. There is no way I would agree to this.

Wrinklytights · 18/10/2016 13:33

Yanbu.

Normandy144 · 18/10/2016 13:38

Yanbu. Just set aside a day if you can to catch up with them, have lunch, take them to a local tourist spot etc. Then go onto explain you are going away on xx date and that ordinarily you would invite them to stay but you are sure they would understand why you can't on this occasion. I've been the relative from abroad and I would never expect people to host us if it was inconvenient.

user1471534185 · 18/10/2016 13:44

of course DH wants to be welcoming, I bet he's not the one who does all the work to get you on holiday!

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee · 18/10/2016 13:47

Yes exactly user! I'm always the one doing the packing etc.

Anyway I think he sees my point and hopefully will be able to negotiate a compromise of some sort. From the little I know of them they seem quite glamorous so you're quite right they probably wouldn't want to stay with us anyway!

OP posts:

middlings · 18/10/2016 13:49

Absolutely not.

This is exactly the kind of thing DH used to think about doing. Rather than saying no, I'd say:

Ok, well I'm going to be doing the washing and packing so do you want to do the food shopping and cooking for them? And which of us will being doing their beds?

After about 30 seconds his brain starts to hurt so he thinks before he says it now.

lynniep · 18/10/2016 13:51

no. no no no no no. what on EARTH is he thinking. Just no.

SnotGoblin · 18/10/2016 13:55

If you don't really know them then they will most likely turn down the offer of staying anyway (Won't they?). I think it's a really weird offer to make at that time and especially to stay once you've gone away and be expected to clear up and clean out etc.

A nice dinner and a family connection is all that's required here, and seemingly all they have asked for?

Of course your DH may know that what they're really reaching out for is an invite to stay and that that's how his family rolls etc.

EleanorRigby123 · 18/10/2016 13:57

Do they live somewhere nice? Would you ever want to go and stay with them?

ohtheholidays · 18/10/2016 14:08

No YANBU and for all your DH knows they might not want the responsibility of making sure everythings locked,alarm on keys dropped off before they leave your home,I know I wouldn't I'd be terrified I'd bugger something up or go and forget something important.

Being as you all have DC I think inviting them to yours for dinner or luch(depending on what time they'll get there and if you want to)the day they arrive would be nice,that way they're DC get to stretch they're legs and the children all get to know one another and get to have a play together.

Monkeyface26 · 18/10/2016 14:10

Your DH is being a bit unreasonable unless he finds it easy to pack suitcases, shop for extra groceries, cook bigger/better meals, wash and change extra bedding and towels......If he feels he can take at least half that burden on then perhaps you should consider it but, if I were them, I would feel uncomfortable with the full responsibility of leaving your house clean and secure for the duration of your holiday. I don't think it's fair on them. If you invite them, they might feel they have to accept but I don't think it would be very enjoyable for them much nicer to host a meal or two.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/10/2016 14:17

What unlucky timing. But YANBU. Tbh they probably wouldn't like the faff of having responsibility for doors, bins, keys to neighbours etc anyway.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Liiinoo · 18/10/2016 14:22

YANBU. There is a world of difference between catching up with family and staying with them. Go out for a meal/drink/walk with them. I am sure that's all they expect.

ample · 18/10/2016 15:16

Unfortunate timing but NO, especially if your home is anything like ours a few days pre-holiday

Like you say, you are happy to catch up.
They don't need to stay; a hotel will be fine.

ample · 18/10/2016 15:18

I wouldn't offer unless you are prepared for them to accept.
The thought is nice but you never know.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.