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To ask why this guy is always around me but never speaks to me.

(68 Posts)
user1476781406 Tue 18-Oct-16 10:21:47

I work in an open plan office. There is a manager there who manages the team that sit directly opposite us. He is a confident, extrovert guy and is friendly to everyone. Bit of a flirt but harmlessly. He flirts with any female under the age of 35 who he finds reasonably attractive. He's a single guy so there's no harm in it. Everyone just accepts him as a bit of a charmer.

He likes to be around me. He will pull a chair up and chat to me throughout the day and will always stand up for me so he must like my company. If there are other people around he always chooses the desk nearest me so we an talk. But this is where it gets a bit weird.

He keeps pretending to forget my name and who he is meeting with (when he has a meeting with me). I know he knows it but makes out he cant remember my Surname when I can see it's written perfectly in his Diary on his desk. He's known me a year, we all know he knows my name.

He comments on how hot other staff members are but if anyone says I'm attractive he says 'she's alright'. He avoids being alone with me and although he's chatty when others are around he doesn't talk if it's just me and him.

Recently there are many times when we have to be alone due to others being out of the building and he's started going down to the other floor when that happens and it's making me a bit uncomfortable. It's quite an extreme reaction to being alone with me!! It's making me worried and self conscious. It's literally every single time we are alone together and he doesn't do that with any other work colleague. I'm really worried I've done something wrong somehow but don't want to make a fuss incase it's nothing. He is still very chatty when other are around. I have only ever acted professionally around him.

Is this normal for work colleagues to not want to be around younger female colleagues? This is my first professional job so I'm not used to office etiquette.

SheldonsSpot Tue 18-Oct-16 10:25:42

Urge, what a sleazebag.

He sounds totally unprofessional and will eventually land himself in big trouble - he comments on how hot other staff members are - really?

You should give him a wide berth.

ijustwannadance Tue 18-Oct-16 10:26:43

Oh come on. He clearly fancies the pants off you!
Not sure why he'd avoid you if your both single though?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 18-Oct-16 10:29:08

He is in awe of you but thinks you are out of his league.

ijustwannadance Tue 18-Oct-16 10:29:31

Being the confident extrovert is probably an act.

FishSauce555 Tue 18-Oct-16 10:31:45

Yeah he properly fancies you.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 18-Oct-16 10:32:00

He fancies you. For whatever reason, he doesn't think it's going anywhere.

Bless his poor bruised little heart the big baby

ShaunPaul Tue 18-Oct-16 10:33:28

Urgh, sounds vile. Avoid like the plague.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Tue 18-Oct-16 10:34:46

Sounds like he has a severe crush on you.

Capricorn76 Tue 18-Oct-16 10:35:14

Sorry this sounds like an awful place to work. Men openly rating female colleagues? Vile. I'd be looking for a job in a proper company sharpish.

pinkyredrose Tue 18-Oct-16 10:35:30

Urgh he sounds slimey as hell. You put up with his flirting because he's single?! Do you all not wanted to be treated as a human being at work?

ImperialBlether Tue 18-Oct-16 10:36:02

How old are you both, OP?

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes Tue 18-Oct-16 10:37:44

Did you post about this guy before? It sounds very familiar. In that scenario general advice was that he was a player/time waster/immature etc not to give him any attention and same thing applies here.

SheldonsSpot Tue 18-Oct-16 10:40:38

I suspect you get a lot of attention from him because you're the only woman in the office that indulges him.

If someone at work was pretending to forget my surname and I could see it quite clearly written in their diary I'd call them out on it.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Tue 18-Oct-16 10:42:18

He sounds like a total sleeve. If he is only leaving when you are alone together, maybe he is worried you might accuse him of inappropriate behaviour. Or maybe he is worried, you might make a pass at him, if he is only flirting to have a laugh rather than being serious.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Tue 18-Oct-16 10:43:06

Sleeze not sleeve!

CalmDownBeyonce Tue 18-Oct-16 10:44:03

He probably fancies you. I wonder if the weird stuff about 'forgetting' your name etc are some way of negging you?

If it bothers you (which is sounds like it does, and for good reason!), you should have a word with his manager or take it to HR. You shouldn't feel harassed at all in the workplace.

NavyandWhite Tue 18-Oct-16 10:44:24

Unprofessional to be scoring other colleagues on their attractiveness.

Steer clear OP.

JustSpeakSense Tue 18-Oct-16 10:56:08

He is unprofessional and sleezy...steer clear of him.

He us acting this way for 1 of 2 reasons:

1) he fancies you and thinks he stands no chance with you (his pride is wounded)

2) he thinks you fancy him and likes to string you along but when it comes down to it he doesn't actually fancy you.

Pretending to forget your name is him trying to make you think he finds you unimportant (for one of the above reasons)

If you are very friendly, chatty and flirty with him it'll be option 2 above. If you are slightly offish towards him and act annoyed when he makes inappropriate comments about female colleges it'll be option 1 above.

So op which is it?

PoisonousSmurf Tue 18-Oct-16 11:00:40

Sounds like he doesn't trust himself around you. Acting like a lovesick teenage puppy. Throw a bucket of water over him!

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass Tue 18-Oct-16 11:02:43

I reckon he fancies you but is certainly going the wrong way about letting you know. How dare he 'rate' women in the office! And the name-forgetting is certainly negging - he's telling you you're 'forgettable' and 'unimportant' to him, in the hope that you'll be desperate to become important. Likewise the disappearing acts.

It's your call OP, but it doesn't bode well for a relationship if this is his idea of how to win women over. Personally, I'd avoid......

loobyloo1234 Tue 18-Oct-16 11:03:20

Why don't you ask him why he always asks your surname OP? Say you find it unprofessional ... ?

He sounds like a total douche btw. Rating other colleagues? Grim

PS definitely sounds like he fancies you but how pathetic is he?

dowhatnow Tue 18-Oct-16 11:06:37

Do you find him attractive at all op?

ClopySow Tue 18-Oct-16 11:06:44

Total sleeze. All talk and no action. Thinks he's a ladies man but in reality has no idea how to behave around them.

Thingmcthingyface Tue 18-Oct-16 11:36:14

Sorry to go against the grain here but he doesn't fancy you, he's doing a routine to push your buttons and make you think he thinks you're special. Guys like this go to great lengths to make themselves the focus of attention for every woman around and cant stand not being attractive.

I think what you're getting is the 'i might look like a right sleeze but deep down inside im vulnerable and don't know how to be around you, you're so special....'. Its obviously working so far because he's caught your attention...

About as deep as a pool with two shallow ends. Probably quite clever too.

Try chatting to the other office women about him. I BET you are not the only person he is doing this with.

(Also should you be entertaining notions of lurve, if a guy likes you, you want him to be the sort of chap who doesn't need to play mind games to tell you.)

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