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I'm sick of my dd getting the blame..

(244 Posts)
Usernameinvalid16 Mon 17-Oct-16 22:13:56

My dd is 2 years old. Dniece (5) Dnephew (also 2) are at my house everyday (both parents work) and normally everything is fine but occasionally they all fight, its usually over toys.
Now i understand my daughter can be rough, we are working our hardest (with her preschool teachers) to get her to stop and her behaviour has improved! She has stopped the hair pulling, biting, pushing and pulling. I am really happy with her progress.

Dsis and BIL can't see the improvement (we physically see them once a week) Dsis does drop offs and pick ups but i only see her for 5 mins in the morning and afternoon.
When they do visit they constantly shout at dd when in my opinion she has done nothing wrong (jumping around, shouting and running in circles) i do remind her to use her inside voice but she gets excited. I don't agree with telling her to 'shut up' because i have a headache..

Dnepew does cry a lot. Whenever my dd gets close he slaps her. I try to tell Dsis this but she thinks the fault lies with dd. I see the 3 dc everyday and i know what they are like! Dniece blames dd for everything even if i seen Dniece do it.
For example Dniece throws all the shoes off the rack and i ask why did you do that? Can you pick them back up please she then turns around and tells me that dd done it and she won't pick them up. Another one is she emptied the 2 toy boxes and when asked to pick them back up she tells me that dd should do it because it was her fault, i could go on.
Dniece obviously tells her version of events and i'm sure you know how children exaggerate things/make them up. I always get a phonecall accusing dd of pulling dniece's hair or scratching her and i think to myself that never happened confused and fill them in on what we have done that day and they will go on and on with 'but dniece told me this happened' she could tell them that a 3 legged elephant jumped out the bushes and they would believe her because 'she doesn't tell lies'.
Anyway tonight i had a few missed calls and they told me that dniece has a massive scratch on her back (obviously i do not have a clue where that came from) i don't take her clothes off, she uses the bathroom by herself all i do is remind her to wash her hands. She has told them that dd done it but dniece never said anything to me about it (she normally cries and tells me instantly) but nothing like that happened today. Infact i had a word with them all about getting on because they are friends and dniece was huffy about it.
I am getting fed up of it now and its really upsetting me.
Maybe it is dd faults and i'm just fooling myself about her improvement.
I don't know why i'm posting this, i think i just wanted to get a few things off my chest.

MLGs Mon 17-Oct-16 22:16:54

What immediately springs to mind is to stop having them.

Are they paying you for this?

It doesn't seem to be working for anyone.

SortAllTheThings Mon 17-Oct-16 22:18:08

She's 2! Fgs, what's wrong with them?

How come you're looking after them everyday?

BitchPeas Mon 17-Oct-16 22:18:15

Your DD is 2! She's fine, you sound on top of her behaviour.

Your Dsis and BIL sound like arseholes! Stop providing childcare for them, it won't be long before your DD starts noticing all the negativity from them and it will really affect her self esteem, protect her from it!

dementedpixie Mon 17-Oct-16 22:20:54

Yep, tell them to find alternative childcare if they don't think you are doing a good enough job

SavoyCabbage Mon 17-Oct-16 22:21:30

You need to get your dd out of this situation. Get some other dc to mind and they can employ someone else too.

CocktailQueen Mon 17-Oct-16 22:22:00

Agree with MLG. You are doing them a huge favour having their DC all the time. If it's not working for you or them, and you're being criticised, then tell them you'll stop having them.

Your sister needs to learn that young children don't always tell the truth, and it's nasty to blame your Dd for everything when she's not even there to see what has happened!

Your neice doesn't sound very nice either hmm

SortAllTheThings Mon 17-Oct-16 22:22:03

For perspective - I had a call from nursery today to say that my DS had been bitten by another kid. It's not great, but sometimes 2yo's do this sort of thing. I'm not saying your kid scratched your niece, but even if she did then your sister should understand that these things happen!!

I assume they're getting free childcare from you?

ButEmilylovedhim Mon 17-Oct-16 22:22:21

I wouldn't look after them anymore but that's probably not very constructive advice. It seems like your dd is being scapegoated and you're going to have a right job to change that, especially as the current narrative works brilliantly for everyone else, except you and your daughter. I feel very cross on your behalf OP!

AyeAmarok Mon 17-Oct-16 22:23:14

It doesn't sound like it's all your DD's fault, far from it.

Maybe suggest to your sister that she finds alternative childcare?

AmberEars Mon 17-Oct-16 22:23:30

Are they paying you?

SoTheySentMeA Mon 17-Oct-16 22:24:02

She's only 2, of course she gets excited and runs around, what 2 year old doesn't hmm

Dsis and BIL sound pretty pfb, whose fault is it if DNiece and DNephew have a fight? Your DD can't be there to take the blame all the time.

If the 3 children really don't get along, I'd stop providing childcare for them. It sounds very tiring and can't be good for your DD to always be mafe out to be the bad guy.

graphista Mon 17-Oct-16 22:24:23

Simple 'You're clearly very unhappy with the way I do things so best you find (and pay for) someone who does them how you'd like'!

TheAntiBoop Mon 17-Oct-16 22:25:17

I really feel for your dd. It sounds like she is being bullied in her own home!!

MrsBobDylan Mon 17-Oct-16 22:25:35

Have you posted about this before? If so, it was a dysfunctional arrangement then and it is dysfunctional now. It sounds as though the 3 children are not getting along at all and the adults involved have incompatible expectations. The childcare arrangement should stop immediately. You are being deeply unfair to your DD to let it continue.

MissMargie Mon 17-Oct-16 22:25:42

2 is tiny, Treat her like a tiny, She shouldn't get shouted at.
If you are going to childmind childmind non relatives.

RandomMess Mon 17-Oct-16 22:26:21

Another one that says stop looking after DNs - it's too much like them all being siblings without you having ultimate control to resolve the issues FAIRLY...

PinkyOfPie Mon 17-Oct-16 22:26:22

OMG she is 2 and sounds like a completely normal 2yo! You are doing them a favour, I agree with PP stop having the kids of the parents find it such a problem (bet the thought of no more free childcare will stop them telling a toddler to shut up!)

arethereanyleftatall Mon 17-Oct-16 22:26:49

This is simple. Stop looking after their kids.

LagunaBubbles Mon 17-Oct-16 22:27:04

She's only 2! Why are you watching them everyday?

shopaholic999 Mon 17-Oct-16 22:27:16

despite all the phone calls and accusations towards your dc, they are still happy to send their dc to you EVERYDAY. I have a strong feeling they don't pay you, sorry if I am incorrect:

Maybe it's time to tell them the arrangement just isn't working anymore and ask them to make other arrangements.

Fwiw, my 2 year old has been through a stage of biting, pulling hair etc and with persistence of explaining its wrong, the phase does pass.

BlancheBlue Mon 17-Oct-16 22:27:51

Why are you doing this? Are you being paid?

shopaholic999 Mon 17-Oct-16 22:28:49

Also, I'd put my foot down if someone else tried disciplining my child..!!

Idliketobeabutterfly Mon 17-Oct-16 22:30:27

Stop looking after them and tell them you aren't their childcare.

Thatwaslulu Mon 17-Oct-16 22:30:56

They believe their children are being treated badly by their cousin, whose mum kindly cares for them while the parents work, and yet they are still happy for them to remain in the situation because it's convenient hmm

I would say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way about little Tracey, I would understand if you want Fred and Sharon to stop coming here" and put the ball firmly in their court. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

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