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DS 13 and games with DD

(56 Posts)
Mysecretgarden Mon 17-Oct-16 21:25:48

I am fed up with DS's behaviour with his sister 9.
As soon as she arrives from school he starts with :"I am going to beat you up."
Last weekend he tried to choke her for fun. Not sure how bad it was as I wasn't in the room and DD tend to over exaggerate so I am not really sure what happened. When I challenged him he said 'It was ok' as he 'only did it with one hand'.
DD can't watch a DVD in peace. He pretends to want to watch it too and then starts rough playing which invariably ends in tears. I really had enough of his rough playing which I find a bit sadistic.
he likes to pretend he is doing it as he finds it fun to make me react.
They are not with me very often so it is hard to monitor and have a followed up action plan.
AIBU, I told him his phone would be taken off if he did the choking thing again.

Soubriquet Mon 17-Oct-16 21:28:06

Yanbu

Obviously they can't be left alone together. You need to supervise them a bit closer and make sure he knows you fab see what he is doing

Soubriquet Mon 17-Oct-16 21:28:50

Why are they not with you very often?

Mysecretgarden Mon 17-Oct-16 21:30:58

Soubriquet I am divorced

potentialqualms Mon 17-Oct-16 21:34:17

Surely this is classic attention seeking. For whatever reason, they don't see you very often. Can't you give him the attention he's craving so he's not left supervising/entertaining/tormenting his sister

Fwiw with my two at that age, I'd often hear sounds of ww3 but if I went in to break things up (rather than yelling from another room) I'd invariably find they were in it together and doing it to wind me up - no-one was actually being hurt

Soubriquet Mon 17-Oct-16 21:35:23

Sorry, didn't mean to be nosy there.

flowers

thisgirlrides Mon 17-Oct-16 21:36:25

Sorry to hear you (& dd) are having such a tough time. I must say I find your description of ds's behaviour really quite worrying especially given his age & presumably his increasing size & strength vs his sister. Has anything changed recently or has he always been like this with her? Was your ex abusive ? Just trying to make sense of what might have triggered or exacerbated the problem.

Tbh, I would be looking for some professional support and advice before something more serious happens.

Mysecretgarden Mon 17-Oct-16 21:47:47

He seems to think that because he is a boy that's what he wants to do.

Soubriquet Mon 17-Oct-16 21:48:42

Well he needs to learn that as a boy he can't throw his weight around either or it will have nasty consequences

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 21:53:05

Nope awful behaviour. Do they live with your ex? What does he think? Your dd is a bully.

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 21:54:01

Ds sorry

titchy Mon 17-Oct-16 21:58:45

Do they live with their father? I'd be concerned about where he's getting the idea that throttling girls is something boys do tbh...

Apologies if that's totally wrong.

Mysecretgarden Mon 17-Oct-16 22:00:37

Dontpanicpyke I agree I find his behaviour bullish. I am feeling completely lacking any strategies to stop it

Bettydownthehall Mon 17-Oct-16 22:04:29

impliment a no touching rule. If he touches his sister he looses his phone for the day. If he does it again he needs a hour time out.

Really harsh rules but once you get wrapped up in deciding whether he has hurt her or not you are giving him attention and feeding into the behaviour.

Take a no nonsense, boring stance on it.

Once he realises it is not worth even touching his sister as he will loose privileges and attention.

Mysecretgarden Mon 17-Oct-16 22:44:17

titchy he might have seen something on the internet or had a talk with some of his friends at school

BrianMolkoismyPlacebo Mon 17-Oct-16 23:11:39

Have you had a chat with his other parent about his behaviour when he's with them?

9troubledwaters Mon 17-Oct-16 23:15:21

Sounds like he needs to get some aggression out & is taking it out on his sister. Ds 11 still play fights alot with me & his sister & sometimes goes too far. I have to play arm wrestling most nights! Sign him up to a running club or something, knacker him out

9troubledwaters Mon 17-Oct-16 23:17:00

Obviously choking is serious & id come down hard on him for hurting anyone

Dragongirl10 Mon 17-Oct-16 23:21:50

Op l find that really worrying.

I agree with BETTY no touching rule.

Forget trying to find reasons...stop it now sharply. Totally unaceptable.

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 17-Oct-16 23:26:54

Your poor little DD. This is not okay at all. My DS had never hurt either of his little sisters. I would say you need to come down hard on this. The suggestion of a no touching rule is a good one. You need your ex on board as well.

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 23:27:26

Yes agree with Betty as a start. Is there more info you could share op?

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 23:30:23

Sure you don't need people telling you how outlandish this is as you know it but In case you need validation or are sharing this thread with your ex my dss are 10 years older than my dds and never in s million years would they act like this.

flowers addressing it is a great step op x

WhoKnewSeamus Mon 17-Oct-16 23:30:37

I'd find the choking extremely disturbing, it's a real red flag in terms of DV.
I think this needs a lot more than having his phone confiscated, right now neither child is being safeguarded.

WhoKnewSeamus Mon 17-Oct-16 23:32:56

Once he realises it is not worth even touching his sister as he will loose privileges and attention.

He needs to know you don't touch anyone without their consent!
Agree with Betty that whether DD is injured is besides the point.

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 23:33:26

Totally agree this is way beyond phone confiscation but no touching rule is a start if he cooperates of course.

The ops first duty of care is to her dd of course.

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