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To be a bit upset that I haven't been invited to my best friend's wedding?

(15 Posts)
Freezersss Mon 17-Oct-16 21:05:49

I have been friends with someone for 9 years, our children have grown up together (they're the same ages - 6 and 8) and we have worked together all this time, so spend all day together.

She has recently sent out invitations to her wedding... I never received one, but someone from our work had one so I knew she had done them.

When I next saw her, I asked her about who is going and she goes on to say that she's having it in Spain (so jealous!!) and that only her and her DP's family is going, so I was a little confused as the other lady we work with has one and so I said oh I thought X had one. She says yes, her and her DP have both picked a friend and their DP's to come and their children. hmmshock I just feel a little hurt, her children have barely even seen hers! She has also only been friends with her for about 2 years and she joined the office way later that I did... sad

It's a right kick in the teeth...

JennyOnAPlate Mon 17-Oct-16 21:12:15

No you're not unreasonable op, I would be upset too flowers

OdinsLoveChild Mon 17-Oct-16 21:13:35

I feel for you sad I also found myself in a similar situation where my 'best friend' left me out of a huge celebration. Unfortunately I wasn't her best friend I just hadn't realised.
I don't really have any advice, just wanted you to know your not the only person this has happened to. blush

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 17-Oct-16 21:14:47

Sometimes you are not your best friends best friend. I know the person who I consider my best friend doesn't consider me her best friend. That's just the way it goes. That doesn't mean you can't be upset though.

MoonStar07 Mon 17-Oct-16 21:16:00

This similar thing happened to me with my best friend. It was a pre wedding ceremony and she invited her best friends from school. I'm still upset to this day when I think about it flowers YANBU it's hard I feel for you

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Mon 17-Oct-16 21:20:25

YANBU .. that's horrid but you must distance yourself. You have been kind and she has not. She doesn't deserve your friendship anymore.

Hassled Mon 17-Oct-16 21:24:36

God that must really hurt. It's really hard when you have that awful realisation that your perception of how strong a friendship is just isn't mutual - that the friend has a different perception. I went through it recently - took me a while to get over. I worked out I had to just detach a bit and it's been OK - hope you can get there.

Gabilan Mon 17-Oct-16 21:33:37

You have been kind and she has not. She doesn't deserve your friendship anymore

I don't think she's necessarily been unkind, it's just that as PP have said, she has a different view of the friendship to the OP. From what the OP says, they know each other at work and their children spend a lot of time together. However, it seems that she is closer to someone she's known for 2 years. She may just feel they have more in common.

Sorry, OP. I know it hurts. And I do agree that a bit of distance will make things easier for you.

wobblywonderwoman Mon 17-Oct-16 21:38:51

I think the sad fact is she prefers the other friend - but learn from it. I wouldn't lose the friendship over it but you know where you stand

Really upsetting though - but wish her well and keep it to yourself flowers

SoTheySentMeA Mon 17-Oct-16 21:44:11

Totally sympathise. My best friend chose a 'friend' from her work to be her maid of honour, didn't ask me to ve a bridesmaid of any sort. he 'friend' was a total arsehole the entire time, left my best friend in tears repeatedly over dresses, hen do, wedding favours etc.

Never have had an explanation. Figure it was best friends wedding so her choice and I love her so respected it. Stung like fuck though and I had to swallow a lot of tears of my own over it at the time.


SoTheySentMeA Mon 17-Oct-16 21:45:16

*would just add, we've been friends for 26 years so sort of expected to be part of her wedding party in some way. As you would.

Muser54321 Mon 17-Oct-16 21:48:34

Have been in your shoes a few times. Don't challenge her. Just stop prioritising her.

Basically relegate her in a drama free way with a smile staple gunned on to your face. It feels a bit doormatty to begin with but stick with it.

TaterTots Mon 17-Oct-16 21:53:04

It's a tough one. If I was the bride in this scenario and was just picking one person, there are potentially three friends who'd expect it to be them getting the invite. I wouldn't actively want to upset two of them, but it woild be pretty inevitable.

JellyBelli Mon 17-Oct-16 21:59:21

YANBU, I agree with what Muser54321 said. flowers

jelliebelly Mon 17-Oct-16 22:24:07

This is why I don't have a best friend! Way too much scope for emotional drama !

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