Boys will be boys.

(101 Posts)
oliviapl Mon 17-Oct-16 13:47:29

I get so annoyed by this phrase. I feel like it lets kids get away with behaviour just because they're little boys while if girls did it they'd be chastised. A friend today had a toddler who was pushing over a girl the same age at a birthday party and just laughed and said ''boys will be boys, it means he likes her!''.

Lottapianos Mon 17-Oct-16 13:51:05

Its a very dangerous phrase, for both boys and girls. It excuses rough or aggressive behaviour in little boys and doesn't help them to learn to modify their behaviour. It teaches little girls that boys get to do whatever they want to and they had better get used to it.

MaisieDotes Mon 17-Oct-16 13:53:19

Absolute nonsense, and two of mine are boys.

No pushing whatsoever, regardless of anyone's sex.

converseandjeans Mon 17-Oct-16 13:53:48

YANBU. Equally if girls are being mean and bitchy people often just say 'oh that's girls for you - they're always falling out aren't they'. We should definitely challenge this sort of thing. I don't think a toddler boy pushing a girl over means he likes her - it just means he finds it funny and can get away with it.

OhMrBadger Mon 17-Oct-16 13:54:02

Absolutely. It's the same with girls though: nasty behaviour excused as being 'typical of girls'.

Soubriquet Mon 17-Oct-16 13:55:11

I've always hated that

Yes my ds is more rough and tumble than my dd but that doesn't mean he is allowed to go around throwing his weight and pushing other children out the way

He waits his turn like everyone else and if he hurts anyone, it's not boys will be boys, it's naughty and he will be reprimanded accordingly

CozyAutumn Mon 17-Oct-16 13:57:57

I don't like it either. It's like when people say girls are bitchy and that they are just typical girls.
It's not ok for children of either gender to misbehave and be unkind, so I don't get why people laugh it off.

CozyAutumn Mon 17-Oct-16 13:59:53

And just going back to "boys will be boys", it's implying that boys bahviour is always negative.

oliviapl Mon 17-Oct-16 13:59:55

Lotta That's what I think, I think it perpetuates abuse and rape culture. It makes it seem like its just something boys do.

In the same vein I get annoyed when my brother (He has a DD and two DS) tells his boys not to ''throw like a girl'' or stop ''acting like a girl'' when they cry right infront of her! She's 7 and I always get upset thinking what it must be making her feel about herself and other girls compared to boys.

CozyAutumn Mon 17-Oct-16 14:00:03

*behaviour

Iknowthisgirlcanx100 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:02:26

Ditto 'she's a real girly girl'. Meaning pink and fluffy headed, girls are not allowed to be a 'girly' and like maths and science etc

BelladiNotte Mon 17-Oct-16 14:04:34

NOw, I liked and still admire Mary Berry on the Bake Off programme, but when she used that very phrase about Paul Hollywood's marital infidelity with a tinkly dismissive laugh I stopped liking her as much as I previously did. shock

oliviapl Mon 17-Oct-16 14:05:09

Iknowthisgirlcanx100 I feel the same way! I'm doing a science degree now and try to get my niece involved but she thinks science is for boys already! The boys are allowed to play in the mud but if she gets dirty too its not appropriate for her - I just feel so sad that she's missing out. My mother was the same in the way of me wanting to act more proper (I have four brothers) but when I was still a teenager who didn't like make up or shopping and preferred books she stopped. Although I still get told off if one of my brother's swear and then I laugh and repeat it. Apparently its not ''ladylike'' but fine for him even though he's 2 years younger!

rollinghedgehog Mon 17-Oct-16 14:07:16

My DP once jokingly told me to 'man up'. I was furious! It's always 'woman up' now. grin

Wendalicious Mon 17-Oct-16 14:07:58

I agree! My DD started saying with colouring in pens "that's a girl colour" or "that's a boy colour" which I was bemused at! Its the same silly vein as "oh one of each, perfect family!" hmm

Lottapianos Mon 17-Oct-16 14:10:57

'That's what I think, I think it perpetuates abuse and rape culture'

Absolutely, and given the events of last week (Ched Evans and Donald Trump), this is something we should be challenging at every opportunity

Belladi, I'm fairly sure that the finer points of feminism, or maybe even all the points of feminism, have passed Mary Berry by. I enjoy her on Bake Off but that's it

oliviapl Mon 17-Oct-16 14:14:30

Lotta Exactly, raising kids with this sort of thing allows the things that Trump has said to be labeled as ''locker room'' talk.

YouTheCat Mon 17-Oct-16 14:17:56

I get a lot of 'that's a boy colour', 'girls can't play football' and crap like that at school and I always ask them 'why?'. None of them has ever managed to give me an answer.

IceBeing Mon 17-Oct-16 14:24:08

YANBU...

and can I add in something about the stupid clothing people put their girls in? off topic but hey....

DD was running around before her music lesson with the two other girls in her class. There was jumping, running, handstands etc. One girl couldn't run because her stupidly impractical (though very pretty of course) shoes would fall off at even a fast walking pace, the other couldn't do handstands without being told off by her mother for letting her pants show (because she was wearing a stupid dress....actually nothing wrong with the dress...just don't combine a dress with a Victorian attitude to being able to see pants). And if that hadn't stopped them, then their stupid impractical (but very glamorous) hair styles would have.

user1471494124 Mon 17-Oct-16 14:26:27

Have a DD and now expecting a boy. Really dislike how some boy clothes seen to encourage naughty behaviour (cheeky monkey etc.), or even try to sexualise with comments about being a lady's man or loving boobs! Pictures on their clothes all seem to push them into roles too. Girls have all the fluffy social things, boys have vehicles, soldiers, pirates, cowboys... It's making my baby shopping challenging!

oliviapl Mon 17-Oct-16 14:28:39

IceBeing Exactly, my brothers DD can't climb trees and run with her brothers in the stupid stuff her mother dresses her in. When my mum has her though she puts her in legging, a tshirt and trainers. French braid her hair to keep it tidy and off her face and let her go mad! Haha she loves visiting nanny because (although my mum is a take no messing type after 5 kids) she makes sure now that she treats all the kids equal.

IceBeing Mon 17-Oct-16 14:35:04

user one thing I find relieves a little stereotyping rage is to stomp up to the service counter in the supermarket and ask what it is about a particular bog standard sock/T-shirt/coat, that makes it 'for boys'...or vice versa. IT is usually a good source of humour watching someone defend the existence of separate boys and girls section for baby hats....

IceBeing Mon 17-Oct-16 14:35:29

op glad someone is showing her the other side!

Jaxhog Mon 17-Oct-16 14:38:23

This just reinforces gender stereotypes. Very happy for girls to like pink or boys to like cars, but let's not make out that it's ONLY because they are girls or boys. Give them freedom to be themselves.

Trumpette Mon 17-Oct-16 14:41:58

I agree I hate this phrase it is used for bad behaviour and was used to excuse bullying of my son!

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