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Family organised party in our home without consulting me and DH

(40 Posts)
DibDobs2020 Mon 17-Oct-16 12:23:55

Is that weird? We were invited when we had finished work. They said they'd have dinner ready for us when we got in. And to be fair Mum was looking after our kids for part of the evening. But they arranged to all come to our house - cousins, aunties, bros - without asking us first. When I asked why they were coming to us it was because my bros house 'was a bit of a mess'. Nice to have a family so comfortable around us...but it odd....or am I becoming upright in my middle age.....

londonrach Mon 17-Oct-16 12:25:18

Do they have a key?

SheldonsSpot Mon 17-Oct-16 12:26:31

Well, no harm done because obviously you said "no, that's not happening", didn't you?

BuggerMyOldBoots Mon 17-Oct-16 12:27:14

Um. Wtf?

DibDobs2020 Mon 17-Oct-16 12:28:57

I did say 'erm maybe nice as I could...and then felt I was being all high maintenance. They do have a key...

WellErrr Mon 17-Oct-16 12:29:04

Yes it's odd but it's always nice to see family so if just go with the flow.

WellErrr Mon 17-Oct-16 12:29:15


ageingrunner Mon 17-Oct-16 12:32:01

My parents have a key to my house but that wouldn't arrange a party or even let themselves in for any reason without asking me. So I would say it's very weird behaviour!

yoowhoo Mon 17-Oct-16 12:34:08

You don't say what the party is for? Was it one of your birthdays? If it was a surprise for you I'd be happy..but my family don't live near so I would love it. I wish my family all lived close enough to be able to pop in for a party.

yoowhoo Mon 17-Oct-16 12:34:42

The mum didn't let herself in did she? She was looking after the kids?

Pardonwhat Mon 17-Oct-16 12:36:42

I think it's quite nice. Clearly I must be too laid back blush.
Did they help tidy up?

FrancisCrawford Mon 17-Oct-16 12:37:32

That is so not on!
What goes through someone's mind to do that without asking first if all? If you want a party then you tidy your own house not just walk into somebody else's.

It's a real cheek and I'd be having words

That it is family makes no difference. You wouldn't let any other baby sitter have a party. Family should be considerate if each other not ride roughshod over the more easygoing members.

Have they got firm for this?

DibDobs2020 Mon 17-Oct-16 12:42:06

pardonwhat they would help tidy up. They'd cook dinner. They'd look after kids. Just feels odd to tell me rather than ask me. It's why I'm wondering AIBU I guess! Doesn't happen a lot but they will sometimes turn up with random guests we don't know. It's nice they are relaxed around us but is our home!

PlumsGalore Mon 17-Oct-16 12:43:22

I think this is shockingly cheeky and totally out of order. I would have responded "ha ha ha, errr I don't think so" - then changed the locks.

LagunaBubbles Mon 17-Oct-16 12:45:14

What was the party for?

PlumsGalore Mon 17-Oct-16 12:45:18

It actually sounds to me like they wanted a get together, and your house is nicer, bigger or whatever and they would use it as their preferred venue, they have only invited you so they can pretend it is your party and not theirs. Bugger that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 17-Oct-16 12:45:39

No, that's not normal.
At the very least they should have checked with you before inviting a bunch of rellies!

My MIL tried a very minor version of this on me in the early days - invited one of her random friends to a family thing for DS1 - I wasn't happy. I didn't know the woman, she had no place there, and she wasn't invited again. (Don't get me wrong, I wasn't rude to her - I just asked DH to make sure that his mum didn't invite along randoms to our parties again!)

SapphireStrange Mon 17-Oct-16 12:48:25

I'm not quite following the timeline. Have they been and had this party? Or are they intending to?

If the latter, tell them no and ask for your key back. If the former, ask for your key back.

Idliketobeabutterfly Mon 17-Oct-16 12:49:39

Very odd

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Mon 17-Oct-16 12:53:03

I would hate this, but I'm horribly antisocial.

Jaxhog Mon 17-Oct-16 12:57:54

Cooking dinner for you - yes, that's fine. Rather nice actually.

Inviting other people without asking first - Nooo! That's outrageous!

Costacoffeeplease Mon 17-Oct-16 12:58:04

It's not always nice to see family

Not on, not on at all

eddielizzard Mon 17-Oct-16 13:04:25

yes to making you dinner. so thoughtful, and really helpful with the kids. but inviting another load of people???? whoooaah! so not on. esp when you just want to relax and have a quiet evening.

if this is the price of her looking after your kids i'd be thinking again...

Sundance01 Mon 17-Oct-16 13:11:52

Is it possible that your Mum thought she had asked you? You know her - is this typical of her or a bit unusual - if unusual I would suggest she has simply made a mistake and assumed she or someone else had asked or at least mentioned. Or it happened really spontaneously and your Mum did not really get to think about it from your perspective. Would she be quite happy if someone did this to her? If asked would you almost certainly have said it was fine?

When I see these sort of posts I always think causing a big family issue over something like this is not really worth it. You sound like you have a lovely family who support each other and are comfortable and want to spend time with each other - sometimes this can have a downside.

By all means mention you found it a bit difficult and hint you would rather not have it happen again but weigh it up against all the good things your family offer you.

just for interest I cannot imagine my Mum doing this but can definitely imagine my grown up daughters doing it!!!!

AdoraBell Mon 17-Oct-16 13:19:02

Sounds like my MIL. Depending on why they are looking after the DC I would say I'm for too echausted/stressed/wound up/ to have a house full of people so it's not happening.

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