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AIBU to be fuming with this woman? (Re: Adoption)

(230 Posts)
BowieFan Mon 17-Oct-16 09:31:16

Basically a friend of a friend was on about kids on flights. I said I hated taking DS1 and DS2 on planes when they were little because they hated it, I did and so did everyone else on the plane. The woman said "Oh but you'd feel different if they were your biological kids!"

AIBU to be absolutely fuming about this? I know I should have a thicker skin, but it worries me that there are genuinely people out there who thinks my adopted kids are somehow lesser than hypothetical biological ones sad

ZoeWashburne Mon 17-Oct-16 09:33:59

YANBU at all! What an absolute cow. Your children are your children regardless of genetics.

She deserves a punch in the nose for statements like that. How callous and just mean.

I'm sorry you had to hear that vile drivel.

Idratherbeaunicorn Mon 17-Oct-16 09:34:01

She sounds like a right cockwomble.

ayeokthen Mon 17-Oct-16 09:34:41

As an adoptee I'm firmly on your side on this one. I despise when people refer to my bio Mum as my "real" mum. Eh naw, my mum and dad (long history of majorly complicated relationship with my Mum) are my real mum and dad. Ups, downs, arguments, fallouts whatever, they fed me, clothed me, loved me, kicked my arse when I needed it and got up in the night when I was poorly. Adopted or not your kids are your kids, pregnancy or not you are their Mum! I'm so sorry someone said this to you, what a shitty thing to say. They're a twat IMO. Never let anyone make you feel "less of a mum" because you're not, you're their Mum and you're amazing.

SquirrelPaws Mon 17-Oct-16 09:36:03

Stupid, stupid woman. DD is my biological daughter and I wouldn't take her on a long flight for the same reasons. Of course I don't love my child more than you love yours.

SquinkiesRule Mon 17-Oct-16 09:38:22

Stupid woman. What in fuck does being adopted have to do with flying?

blueturtle6 Mon 17-Oct-16 09:39:02

What a bizarre comment! I'd hate to take a small child on a plane be it biological adopted, fostered or anything else!

ChatEnOeuf Mon 17-Oct-16 09:39:50

Fucking hell! You don't need a thicker skin, she needs a slap. She's illogical as well - you wouldn't put any child (adopted, fostered or otherwise) through something they hated, surely?

passmethewineplease Mon 17-Oct-16 09:40:04


Can't believe your friend said that actually!

HumphreyCobblers Mon 17-Oct-16 09:41:23

I agree you don't need a thicker skin, your friend needs to learn how offensive she was.

Ifounddory Mon 17-Oct-16 09:41:29

I am very thankful that your kids have you for a mother and not someone like her who perceives them as somehow less important.

Maybe your hypothetical children are perfect in every way, they sleep like angels and just adore flying...

Seriously stupidest thing I've heard in a long time.

c3pu Mon 17-Oct-16 09:41:52

I have two boys, DS1 isn't biologically mine but despite splitting up with their mum he is still very much my son.

Anyone who suggests he is anything less is liable to get a bucketful of bile thrown in their face...

BowieFan Mon 17-Oct-16 09:42:52

I must admit, if she'd been my real friend I'd have had a go at her. She's just a friend of my mate though (not even a particularly good one, their kids just go to school together). My actual friend was a bit shock about it.

It's sad that there are people who genuinely think that my DCs mean nothing to me. Surely the fact we went through the hoops we did to adopt them means we do?

Allthewaves Mon 17-Oct-16 09:43:10

Please tell pulled her up! My jaw would hit the floor if a friend said something like that to me

HerSpookyFattyness Mon 17-Oct-16 09:44:06

Yanbu at all! Some people really are fuckwits and she's one of them. You're their mum regardless of genetics. Genetics have fuck all to do with how much you love someone.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 17-Oct-16 09:44:29

Yanbu she's batshit crazy

WhooooAmI24601 Mon 17-Oct-16 09:44:46

WTF? She's your friend? Please explain to her the very basic concept that an adopted child is as much yours as one you've given birth to.

I was adopted at 10. My 'real' parents are the ones who put up with my shitty teen years, saw me through Uni, gave me a family. They also gave birth to their own DCs and the only difference is that their biological children inherited my Mum's big backside and my Dad's dodgy nose. Nothing else is discernible, there's no 'more' or 'less' with loving DCs - be they your own or adopted. What an absolute fool.

hesterton Mon 17-Oct-16 09:45:42

Ignorant, ignorant woman. Ignore her.

ayeokthen Mon 17-Oct-16 09:46:22

There's a hell of a lot more to being a parent than biology. DP has two daughters, technically they're step daughters but he's the only dad they've ever known. Does that make them less than his bio kids? Does it fuck. We have 5 kids between us, he's never treated my DS as anything less than his own, and I've been the same with DSDs. Family is what matters, no who shagged who and when!

Dontpanicpyke Mon 17-Oct-16 09:47:24

What a stupid bizarre comment. Nasty cow.

BowieFan Mon 17-Oct-16 09:47:41

I did say, "Excuse me, do you think I love my children any less just because I didn't give birth to them?" and she said "I'm sure you love them, but you don't love them the same way you would do if they were actually yours" At that point I was close to unleashing hell on her, so I just walked away.

ayeokthen Mon 17-Oct-16 09:48:01

Not, not no. I apologise for the fairly crude explanation, it just pisses me off when people bang on about "real" family, "half" this and "step" that. We are a family, biology doesn't come into it, but love and commitment to each other does.

ayeokthen Mon 17-Oct-16 09:48:48

BowieFan well done for walking away, I probably would have lost my rag and done something I shouldn't have!

HerSpookyFattyness Mon 17-Oct-16 09:49:03

Ffs. They are yours! Nasty bitch.

drspouse Mon 17-Oct-16 09:50:42

I am very thankful that your kids have you for a mother and not someone like her who perceives them as somehow less important.

This. And well done for responding. I really hate it when people say this but I'm going to say it anyway... I feel a bit sorry for her children.

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