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To think this is VERY weird behaviour?

(226 Posts)
fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:20:32


I apologise in advance as this is a MIL and partly FIL thread!! I just have to get this of my chest!!

I'm so sick of feeling like there are 4 people in my marriage sad

Basically, MIL FaceTimes consistently everyday whilst my DH makes tea (he cooks most meals, I do majority of housekeeping as I'm rubbish at cooking). She literally is propped up in the kitchen watching him make tea, then she wants to speak to my DD, so all in all about a 30min video call, this is EVERYDAY and can often sometimes be more than once! It doesn't matter where we are either, we can be in Tesco and she'll FaceTime and then we will say 'we're just shopping at the moment' but she'll be like 'there's wifi isn't there'?! An example of this was the other day, we were waiting for a taxi and she FaceTimed, the taxi arrived, DH said he had to go because the taxi was here, she said 'you can still speak whilst your in a taxi'?! Well NO, no we cannot, we would like to run our errands in peace (or at least I would)! DH doesn't see a problem with this level of daily communication.... AIBU?

Then there is the CONSTANT asking for my DD to stay overnight.... my DD is 4 and has just started school... now, I wouldn't have a problem with this BUT we live 100 miles away and we DONT drive so basically, if anything happened to my daughter I have NO way of getting there and even if I did find a way, it would take an hour and a half to do so (3 hours and £80 later on a train) and at 4 years old, I'm just not keen on that idea.... plus when she did used to have her when we lived in the same town she did not follow any of my instructions in regards to DD.... I'm not comfortable with it at all quite frankly and so I have said no, maybe when she's a little older etc.... but because my DH doesn't have a problem with her going (which is fine, he's entitled to his own opinion) she deliberately talks to him when I'm not there, piling on the pressure, making plans behind my back which I just think is so so rude and sneaky. I'd say she starts banging on about it at least once a month and this has been for at least a year now hmmit's bad enough that she won't take no for an answer but he sneakiness is just not on.... AIBU?

Then, I found out, when I was at the height of a previous mental illness (severe anxiety) and was actually having a panic attack, she was talking to DH and instead of offering support for him and me, you know like 'if you need to talk' or 'if you need to have an hour to yourself' blah blah blah... well instead of that, she basically was talking to him about maybe leaving me?! Bearing in mind we've been together for 6 years, happily married AND i stood by him through two separate addictions?! During which she was nowhere to be seen! In fact, she chucked him out?! So to find this out I was massively upset, disgusted rather... AIBU?

And to top everything off DH FIL rings MULTIPLE times a day?! Yes, multiple! On an average day he'll ring around 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm (this is a FaceTime call) and sometimes 10pm.... basically, he asks the same thing in each of these phone calls and it goes as follows -

What's the weather like?
What have you had for tea?
What are you having for tea?
Have you been out?
Are you going out?
How much did that cost?
Where's DGD?
Put DGD on?
What time were you up?

AIBU to think his level of contact each and everyday is excessive and unhealthy? AIBU to feel like I don't want DH parents to know the ins and outs of our daily life? AIBU to want some privacy? Especially when shopping, getting in a car, walking around town or eating my tea?! My husband doesn't see a problem with it which has in turn caused problems between us recently, in fact, we had a blazing row about his mum on Friday blush we hardly ever row but when we do, it tends to be about this same situation... I have gone from absolutely loving his mum to still loving her but resenting her and not enjoying time spent with her knowing what she has said and knowing what that she will try and pressure me in regards to DD....

AIBU to just want a glass of wine?!

Goodness, I feel so so ashamed for feeling like this, the guilt is eating me up but I'm just so fed up confused of course, I love them all but blimey, they are driving me NUTS!!

Musicaltheatremum Sun 16-Oct-16 21:25:00

Goodness, that's so much contact. I actually haven't spoken to my parents for over 2 weeks as they have been on holiday but usually it is a once a weeks on the phone. My parents are 80 and 84 though so not used to technology. My daughter texts most days and phones me more than I phone her my son gives me q couple of texts a week. That level of contact is far to much, almost obsessive.

NicknameUsed Sun 16-Oct-16 21:25:10

It does sound rather excessive. However, you mentioned your husband's addictions so I think they are worried about their son.

Why do you have your mobile data n when out? Just switch it off and they can't contact you.

DesignedForLife Sun 16-Oct-16 21:28:41

YANBU! Sounds like they need some time consuming hobbies to distract themselves

Costacoffeeplease Sun 16-Oct-16 21:29:51

Yes it's a lot of contact, but you also sound slightly hysterical, and as with most of these mil threads, you have a husband problem if he won't stand up to his parents.

ageingrunner Sun 16-Oct-16 21:32:00

It sounds very intrusive and boring and it would drive me round the twist if my own parents did it, never mind someone else's.
I hate FaceTime anyway, but that level of contact is too much.

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:32:05

Nicknameused - no it's not that as he doesn't currently have an addiction, this was years ago, when we first met..... and yeah, I wish DH would turn his data off but he doesn't see my problem... he says 'they aren't ringing you so I don't see how it affects you' but it does! Massively! I can always hear them whilst I'm going about my daily life!! Oh and his dad persists too so if you don't answer he just keeps on phoning sad

abbsismyhero Sun 16-Oct-16 21:33:03

Accidentally activate flight mode

Mute your phone too

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:33:26

Costacoffeeplease - you are bang on the money, I am hysterical... this has been going on for 6 years!!! When we used to live in the same town as them his dad would be at our door EVERY morning too confused

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:33:55

Abbsismyhero - brilliant idea grin

myusernamewastaken Sun 16-Oct-16 21:39:15

This is very very intrusive and would drive me ex mil used to ring at dinner times and disturb our evening meal despite me saying id just dished up....i used to pull the phone socket out of the wall so that our landline didnt ring...i only pulled it out slightly so dh never noticed...

pinkblink Sun 16-Oct-16 21:40:28

Sheesh hmm that's a lot of contact! It's nice that they want to be part of your lives with them living so far away, but I can imagine it gets a bit much

donkir Sun 16-Oct-16 21:42:04

It is quite excessive.
My df lives an hour and a half away but he face times everyday sometimes several times a day. It can be slightly annoying but I know he misses his dgs I have 2 ds and my df was nearer when my eldest was little.
On the other side though fil hasn't seen or spoken to the youngest dgs since Jan this year which pisses me off.

Maudlinmaud Sun 16-Oct-16 21:47:11

Op this would drive any sane person round the bend. Have your wine and take on board the pp suggestion of turning on flight mode.

DownWithThisSortaThing Sun 16-Oct-16 21:47:29

Yeah I would agree with you OP that that amount of contact is insane.
A FaceTime a couple of times a week is fine, several everyday is too much. You need to have your own life as a family.

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:51:49

Thank you everyone! It's nice to see I wasn't going crazy as I'm sometimes made to feel like I'm the one in the wrong in this whole situation and I have at times doubted myself so this thread has helped me see that it is excessive shock

Downwiththissortathing - yes, that's exactly how I feel, I just want to get on with my own family life

StrawberryLime Sun 16-Oct-16 21:52:17

Mute your phone and say you didn't hear it. Seriously. Nothing wrong with keeping in contact, but that much is enough to drive anyone insane.

PoldarksBreeches Sun 16-Oct-16 21:52:30

Hahaha that's fucking insane. You poor poor woman.

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:53:26

Strawberrylime - the problem is they tend to ring DH phone sad

nannybeach Sun 16-Oct-16 21:53:44

Sounds EXACTLY like my MIL, would never take no or I am busy whatever for an answer, sometimes, I would be off for a GP/hospital appointment, going to work, BUT it was ME who got the calls, had the problem OH just didnt answer her. She would ring when I was in bed after a night shift, late at night, when we were in bed, I would answer, thinking it must be something bad/someone has had an accident for someone to ring this late, say "I was in bed", she would say "well, you are up now". Unfortunately, the phone we had then you couldnt turn off the ringing tone.

228agreenend Sun 16-Oct-16 21:54:40

That's a lot of contact, but by responding to her face timing, you have enabled/encouraged her behaviour.

You need to put in some boundaries. Maybe allow the conversation during the meal preparation, but ignore the other calls, or reply with a cheery ''we'll chat tonight' and then end the call. She is effectively stalking you.

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:54:52

Oh my days nannybeach!!!! I feel your pain angry

fruitysmoothie Sun 16-Oct-16 21:56:06

228 it's my DH who answers all the time sad if I had it my way I would do what you say!

ageingrunner Sun 16-Oct-16 21:57:43

It's like having them constantly peering through a window at you 😫

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:57:58

Perhaps ask your DH if he'd prefer to move back in with his parents so they can natter all day long. Jeez that would drive me up the wall and round the bend.

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