to think my dd isnt overweight?

[marvelousdcomics]

So, my DD (14) has suffered ED's. Latest one was binge eating which was traumatising for her. Went to GP appointment yesterday (we do monthly just to check how she is), he weighed her. After, when dd wasn't in the room, he told me she is overweight???? She has put a bit of weight on obviously, due to the binging and everything, but she doesn't look overweight at all. Yes, shes gained a bit of fat but not so much that she looks 'fat'. I will not be telling her anything that was said while she wasn't there, I just want her to be happy and healthy. Is weighing yourself even accurate? She was 5'3" and 127lbs by the way. She really doesn't look fat, actually quite slim.

[Newfore72]

I wouldn't take this to heart.

It is likely the doctor has seen the increase from last month, knows the problem and is giving you a bit of a heads up to keep an eye on what food you are preparing etc without her ever having to know about the discussion.

She is not overweight on those measures.

[ProfessorPreciseaBug]

Put on a few pounds and do nothing. Then just another pound or so because she is feeling upset. Then another couple doesn't make any difference.

By now she has an eating disorder and can't do much for herself... Are you really helping her future if she goesfrom just a bit overweight to fully obese?

[NoahVale]

presumably the doctor told you for a reason?
are you both getting help for the ED?

[NicknameUsed]

According to the NHS BMI checker she is at the upper end of the healthy BMI scale.

[marvelousdcomics]

Thanks newfore. I didn't think she sounded overweight but GP said she was. I do prepare healthy meals, and she has struggled this week but we are trying to improve it.

Noah, GP said try to cut her food intake a bit. It isn't that easy, she has an ED and has struggled before with anorexia. My plan is just to introduce more healthy foods, don't buy as much junk, exercise more and just support her when she needs it.

[NoahVale]

is she under CAMHS?

[NoahVale]

surely you want less emphasis on food?
i might be wrong

[marvelousdcomics]

Noah, she is yes. We don't want as much emphasis on food, which is why the changes I mentioned are subtle ones. What I don't want to be doing is reducing her intake quite a bit, which she would be sure to notice and then be upset about. Its really hard going through this, people think its just a general case if eating too much because she wants to, when its an ED and shes really upset about it and she cant help herself.

[MrsMook]

I'm an inch smaller and about the same weight. It is comfortably within the range of healthy on adult BMI, and at 14, she could be at her adult height already, or have more growing to do.

With an ED, I'd have thought that establishing healthy patterns of diet and exercise would be far more important than micromanaging small gains and losses.

[marvelousdcomics]

Thank you MrsMook, that is really reassuring. Her predicted height is about 5'5", and she is still growing.
That's my point. The GP is always focused in her weight, not her health and that's what bothers me. Thank you for the reply

[Kennington]

I would go with what the doc says. Unless she is extremely sporty and has a lot of muscle mass he is going to be correct.
good luck getting help for her.

[Northernlurker]

I think your GP gave you very bad advice. The last thing she needs, as a recovering anorexic, is to be to,s there is something wrong with her shape. Obviously the binge eating is a concern but you don't want her to swing the other way and start starving herself. I would make very minimal, subtle changes and see how things go.

[booellesmum]

Far more important to help her manage her feelings and coping strategies than her weight. The weight gain/loss is just a symptom of the bigger picture. If you only focus on her weight she is likely to continue to yo-yo between anorexia and binging.
I hope your GP is helping you with her mental health as well.
I wish you all the best.

[LobsterQuadrille]

Good grief, at her age and recovering from an ED the absolute last thing she should be doing is focussing on her weight. The subtle changes that you make sound great. In my experience if you've had an ED, it's a bit like being an alcoholic even after many years of recovery and it's always at the back of your mind and a chance remark regarding weight can trigger a reaction. To be fair to your GP, it was a private conversation and just a heads up as a PP said to be aware of what food you have in the home - junk doesn't serve any purpose other than an emotional one (IME again) so we've never had it and just not had the whole food/reward thing. I had eating issues as a teen and was determined that my DD wouldn't, and she doesn't.

Good luck.

[marvelousdcomics]

Thank you both northern and booelles. That's what I want to focus on too. DD knows shes gained weight and I've found her writing a couple of times her 'goal weight' of 70lbs. She also keeps saving on her phone calendar 'lose weight', so she's clearly stuck in trying to not eat then binge.

CAMHS helps focus on her mental health more. She self harms too, and this is improving slightly. I do just want her to be happy, not worry about her weight.

Thank you so much for all responses so far

[marvelousdcomics]

Thank you Lobster, we don't buy much junk anyway, but I'm trying to buy little/hardly any from now on. She was never a skinny child, just quite slim (about 79th centile) so she isn't supposed to be thin anyway. Shes feeling okay this morning which is good

[Olympiathequeen]

At least the dr said this out of her earshot. I'd just ignore it as she doesn't sound overweight.

[JoJoSM2]

Your gp sounds like a bit of an idiot when they suggest cutting her food intake. If she doesn't eat enough at mealtimes, she'll be even more likely that binge... She needs to be back in therapy - her problem is with her mind and not her weight. You should speak to a professional but my gut feeling would be that trying to control her food intake, change what she eats etc will inflame the problem.

[Thefitfatty]

She isn't overweight. She has a BMI of 22.5, which is well within the healthy range. And given that she is 14 she may be getting ready for a growth spurt, which could explain an increased appetite and weight gain.

If your GP is aware of her problems with ED's, than I'm not sure what he/she is playing at. Don't do anything but continue to focus on healthy eating patterns and healthy exercise patterns. And maybe find a new GP.

[ihatethecold]

You sound like a very caring mum to your dd.
I would completely ignore the Dr's comments, you can see if a child is overweight and at her height she isn't.

[Pluto30]

The GP sounds like a daft one.

She's not overweight. She's within the healthy weight range. More importantly, all, or almost all, 14 year olds have a bit of puppy fat, and they haven't reached their height potential yet. I'm very thin now, but at 14/15, I was much "chubbier". The combination of height increasing, hormones settling down, and routine from high school etc. causes weight to drop off.

I think you should continue to encourage healthy but not restrictive eating. It's fine to have treats, as long as the majority of your diet is healthy and nutritious. Healthy, moderate exercise is important too. I know that personally I don't do well in a gym environment, because I can get obsessive about weight etc. But I love going for a walk or bike ride etc. Exercise doesn't have to be strenuous, just something to get her out and moving, and get her head clear.

[FleurThomas]

If GP knows about the eating disorder he probably wants you to keep an eye on it (discretely) before she starts to do something about it. A bmi of 22 is approaching the upper end of normal which whilst nor a problem now, might make her overweight as she gets older. Girls (who've started their period) don't tend to grow 2-3 inches between 14-18, so I do think you're being a tad unrealistic that she'll get taller as she gets older.

Having said that, however, I don't think you should mention this to her. Instead just manage it at home by substituting high cal for low cal food.

[marvelousdcomics]

Hi Jojo, we have a CAMHS appointment next Saturday. She is getting better. She doesn't binge as much, and she's happier and healthier overall I think. Thank you.

Thefitfatty, thank you for that. It is really reassuring. When I look at her, she actually looks relatively slim. She has quite a bit of muscle due to playing sports and doesn't actually have that much fat that I can see. Yes, I think I'll request another GP. Thank you

ihatethecold thank you!

[NoahVale]

is your dd aware of her weight?
are you meant to throw the scales away?

[marvelousdcomics]

Thank you Pluto, your response was very reassuring. She is planning to join more sports clubs and she loves running so she wants to do that more often (when its not raining!). We are also working to become healthier as a family altogether, so things will begin to improve