To think I'm not a bloody housemaid!(33 Posts)
I know this one has been queried many times before now but I cannot figure if I really am being unreasonable and selfish or whether I'm having the piss taken out of me?!?!
So me and DP jointly own our house, have two DC's, two dogs and two cats. DP is a plumber for a small but successful firm and in all fairness does work hard, leaving the house at 7:15am and although is meant to finish at 5pm some nights it is much more like 7/8pm by the time he gets home.
I also work part time 9:30-2:30 mon-fri. I get the kids up, fed, dressed for school. I do morning school run and afternoon pick up. Get home, walk dogs (pick up poo also from garden as they have access to back garden all day), come home feed cats and dogs. Do the washing up from night before, sweep and clean floors (due to dogs this HAS to be done every day!), I sort dinner out for kids (we normally eat different meals due to him being late home), do the washing up front m night before, sort out any laundry, help kids with their homework and reading, cook our dinner and put the kids to bed!!!!! Plus there are some days they have after school clubs so I obviously take them to those which then makes it even harder to squeeze everything in I need to get done.
Weekends I do any laundry needed, clean the kitchen and bathroom, washing up, clean the floors, pick up dog poo, feed the animals and cook most meals. He will sometimes do odd diy and SHOULD do the weekly food shop (he didn't even manage that last weekend so we've been scraping by on the depths of the freezer food this last week)
He is obviously the higher earner but I pay £650 towards our bills out of my £800 a month wage so not like I don't contribute but he has this idea that because he works so hard and is full time and bringing in more money, he shouldn't have to help? His evenings and weekends are for relaxing .
AIBU to expect a bit more help around the house????
You need to rethink both your financial contribution and how you share the household jobs because at the moment neither sound fair at all.
No. Weekends and evenings should be 50/50 at least. Unless you put your feet up when you're off work and he's working.
Oh I also sort out all school visits, parents evenings, dental and doctors appointments, vets for dogs.
I know he gets tired due to early mornings and long days but it's not like i get home at 3:30pm, get my pj's on and watch telly all night. But I think because I am not "paid" from 2:30pm I don't "work" as hard as him.....
Weekdays the person only working five hours compared to 10/12 hours should do the house stuff. If organised, then there really shouldn't be much left to do at weekends bar cooking and the dishes which should be shared.
Book the shopping online and save time.
Looking after the children and associated admin is just what you do as a parent, it's not work or childcare.
I am a SAHM partially for this sort of reason. You work part time at paid work, then come home and do a full time job so you do one and a half (probably more than a half cannot work it out fully) jobs and he does one. You do more than he does and yet he thinks he does more than you and probably feels that the extra of the weekly shop and irregular diy is doing over and above! The kernel of sense that always comes up on these posts is that you should have equal free time. Your DP is never going to recognize this and free up your time so your only option is to take it! Plan time when you are out "relaxing" or allocate some admin tasks to him and let him sort out. As an aside you are making work for yourself with two dinners- make one and you either eat yours with the children (and wash up) or heat both of the adults up when he gets in.
I agree with Sheldon.
He's doing 11-12 hrs against your 5, so that gives you 6-7 hours every day to get most everything done. If you choose to leave lots ot weekend, then you are having more relaxing time in the week, if you choose to crack on in the week, there needn't be much to do at the weekend.
I agree weekdays in me doing the housework but am I unreasonable in thinking he could listen to the kids read and put them to bed instead of getting in cracking open a can, sitting in his arse and playing on his phone?
Early mornings? I don't call 7.15am early. He is having an easy ride!
I try and look at it from the reverse perspective if I was working full time and I still can't imagine sitting on my bum doing sod all whilst watching him fly around me to get the house in order, MY washing done and OUR children sorted. He just doesn't see it this way.
With regards to cracking on in the week to leave weekends free.... laundry will still need doing, as will the floors throughout downstairs (wood floors and kids/2 huge dogs that malt constantly), we all need feeding and due to the daily chores mentioned in OP the weekends are the only days to really deep clean the bathroom and kitchen (this get a quick wipe over and kept tidy in the week). Bearing in mind I do all driving to parties for the DC's as well.
Well the bills are due more my fault as a few years ago I kicked him out ( that's a whole other thread!) and so all the bills were put in my name and so have just never gotten round to switching some back. This is also because when he paid the majority I always got "I work full time AND I pay for everything" shoved in my face at any argument! Can't win!!
I do all that you mention, plus cut the grass, gardening, putting out bin, in addition to a full time professional job which often involves a 60 hour week. It happens to work for our family. (DH works more hours, is often away and has a big sports hobby )
He's being unreasonable but the animals would drive me mad. Can you keep them outside
I think Sheldon & Backforgood have been a bit harsh.
Looking after children & associated admin is parenting I agree, but shouldn't that be down to both parents equally? Doesn't sound like that is happening for OP. And just because it is part of parenting doesn't mean it's not work too.
It does make sense for majority of housework to fall on you during the week as you are there but it sounds like it should be more equally divided at the weekend.
Getting home at 8 I wouldn't like to be doing anything tbh but the fact he does nothing on a weekend is shocking!
Why on earth are you only keeping £150 out of your own salary? How much does he keep for himself
Dp is a builder. Up and out the house for 6/6.30 am every day. In anytime between 4-6pm. works probably 50% of Saturdays and the occasional sunday.
I am a sahm apart from the Admin for our business.
He does bath for toddler ds half the time, does all the bins and rubbish, will tidy the lou he while I take ds up, cooks on a Saturday night and gets up with ds every Sunday so I can have a lie in.
Agree. Why are you doing two dinners? We haven't got kids yet but if me or my DH is late home and the other is cooking dinner gets left in the oven to be reheated.
Have you talked to him about this? Not helping out at weekends is hugely unfair on you and the kids. You must be exhausted.
You doing the weekday chores seems fair game as he wouldn't fit much in with those hours. I do sympathise with you though as I would struggle to get the daily chores done after kids are back from school . Could he not help with the bedtime routine ( one child each, or do alternate nights?) Sounds like he could do a bit more to help at the weekend. Earnings have nothing to do with it: weekend chores should be shared. (Easier said than done I know as I also do the lion's share of the chores at the weekends).
The first thing that struck me was the pet situation, are they worth picking poo up from the garden every day ew!
Anyway yanbu he should be doing loads more at the weekend
If he was single he'd be doing his own cooking and washing up for a start regardless of how long he worked
I don't think know just because op works less hours she should be doing washing up in the evening while he watches TV or whenever , it's not like she's chilling in the afternoon is it ?
Is it possible to hire a cleaner for 2 hours a week to get the deep cleaning done so you have a bit more free time?
I told DH I didn't want to waste my weekends cleaning and that he either did it or paid for a cleaner. We now have a cleaner (although I appreciate this isn't an option for many).
My DH works similar hours to yours. He manages to help out with housework/cooking at the weekend and helps putting the kids to bed though I do most in the week as I work part time.
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