AIBU? Kids party etiquette

[Partypooper4]

DS is having his first ever birthday party this year, he will be turning 4. We are having it at local softplay straight after nursery at 12. I was only going to invite the children from his room at nursery (6/7 kids) and pay for them to have lunch and play. That's it. Will be cake and party bags. It's on a Thursday. We don't have tons of money to throw at a party but he really wants one.

One of my close friends has massively lost her shit with me saying how dare I not invite her daughter (aged 2) I backtracked and said I hadn't sent invites out yet. But AIBU? She won't be able to come anyway as both parents work on a Thursday. My two DDs aren't coming as I've sourced childcare specifically so I can concentrate on DS. She's saying she's invited us to all her little girls parties (big extravagant events) he's 4 though and will be with his friendship group. She's also said why would I do it on a Thursday but my view is it's a lot quieter at soft play so not so overwhelming also cheaper. Grandparents are on holiday and his dad can't get the day off work.

I've never ever thrown a kids birthday party before so I'm not sure on etiquette here. His friends that are in school aren't coming but their mums haven't taken offence.

I pointed out that I did invite them to his birthday meal with close family and friends but she's ignoring that.

What should I do? Send an invite just to keep her calm or stand my ground? We don't see her little girl that often really (maybe once a month for an hour)

[blackteaplease]

YANBU if you want to have a small party with your ds2 nursery friends then that's fine, your friend is being very unreasonable.

[longdiling]

Hell no, don't reward her unreasonable and bratty behaviour by giving her an invite. She sounds like the kind of 'friend' you can afford to lose. Your party plans sound perfectly reasonable and an ideal way of treating the birthday boy without breaking the bank.

[Jenijena]

I had birthday parties (cake and playing at our house) at 2,3 and 4. 4 is definitely when it stops being 'any child you know' and starts being 'children the birthday boy wants to see'. It sounds lovely. Yanbu.

[KoalaDownUnder]

How do so many people on here have such rude and unpleasant adult 'friends'?!

YANBU.

[pipsqueak25]

yanbu and i would reconsider if she is actually a 'friend' to be behaving in such a childish manner [having said that some kids would behave better].

[LyndaNotLinda]

What Koala said. The only thing you should be reconsidering is your friendship.

[CookieLady]

Don't change your plans. Rude cow.

[DinosaursRoar]

Agree that 4 is when it stops being "children of my friends" and moves to "children my child is friends with". If hers are 2 she's probably still in the earlier stage.

You are inviting just his pre-school friends, this is not a general party.

I'd distance myself if I was you, she sounds hard work.

[BigGreenOlives]

Why don't you tell her the softplay party is for his nursery friends & that you're having a tea for friends & family. How does she even know about the other event?

[lazyb0nes]

YANBU!

[Ginsodden]

God, even if I was offended I could never throw a strop like that and make someone feel shit for their decision. I'll never understand those that do. I'd smile and say enjoy and keep my sulking to myself. Social rejection (perceived) is painful though so she may be having a fight reaction. Still, that's her stuff not yours. YANBU.

[Goingtobeawesome]

it's like how you should treat a bully. Don't give in. You're doing noting wrong. She's acting worse than a two year old.

[Bringmewineandcake]

I think your plan sounds great! Ignore her, and carry on as you were.

[OnGoldenPond]

But she is being invited to his main party, this is just a small affair for a few of his own playmates!

Her DC would not enjoy it as all the others are older and know each other, and you both knew it's at a time she can't make anyway, what would be the point of an invite??

She IBU and very childish.

Stick to your plans, it sounds llovely.

[Strikingclock]

Good lord no. The last time I looked it is common politeness for hosts to offer invitations to whomsoever they wish, for invitees to be grateful and to accept or decline the invitation, and those not invited (for whatever reason) to put up and shut up.

It's not that sort of party anyway if you're own dds aren't coming.

Your "friend" will find this situation occurs more frequently as children get older (different get togethers for different friendship groups ie ballet \scouts\school). It-s not always possible to invite everyone every year, so she may as well get used to it now.

This is a very different scenario to inviting a whole class and leaving one or two "unpopular" or "difficult" children out, which is a horrible thing to do.

Stick to your guns op!

[blueturtle6]

I have a lot to learn I thought it was only first birthdays were everyone got invited! 4 is definitely about the birthday boy and your idea sounds lovely

[DailyMailFuckRightOff]

Your plan sounds great - don't give in to the 'friend' who is actually just trying to get her own way by having tantrums. It will set a precedent for her expecting her own way for other things.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Do not cave in she is being massively unreasonable.

Thank heavens my friends have their heads screwed on.

Once they hit school or pre school it becomes very difficult to include all the old friends as well as the school friends as with pay per head and limited space style armies you can fill up the spots with siblings and the friends alone before you even hit the school friend list.

We usually just meet up at some point fir a get together or a picnic instead and invite the school/pre school friends.

[TheFuckitBuckit]

No yanbu! Carry on with your original plan. At 4 it's about your ds and his friends, like you said your dds won't be attending so why does her 2 year old trump your own children?
She has been invited to the birthday meal so not excluded.

Don't send her an invite, just tell her it's a small gathering for your ds's actual friends and you will see her at the meal.

Stand your ground!

[Partypooper4]

V glad that you all seem to be in agreement with me.

It really is just a small thing and we really can't afford anything big. He keeps telling me "I don't want presents Mummy, just a party with my friends from pre-school" based on that I have spent slightly less on gifts and put money towards this party. It's about him and I hate that she has made it about her and her daughter when her daughter won't give two hoots.

[fc301]

Wow you're all very restrained - I'd tell her to feck right off - outrageous behaviour!
She is not a 'close' friend.
Close friends are people you can rely on always, they understand you and they've got your back ...errr....

[WeAllHaveWings]

have you checked with the softplay you are allowed to bring your own food (cake & candles) and serve it?

[f83mx]

^YANBU. Stand your ground and have a serious word with your 'mate' as well.

[Partypooper4]

I am paying for a play and lunch £6.50 per head and unlimited juice. They said the cake wasn't a problem, I haven't paid for one of their "party rooms" as it's quiet through the week anyway and a very large soft play centre x

[SpookyPotato]

Your party sounds perfect and probably the kind of thing I'd have for DS- quiet, small, personal! I don't get the need for these over the top stress fests. You also sound like someone who doesn't think the world should stop for a birthday and don't expect your family to come etc. It sounds perfect, ignore the drama queen.