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To wonder how the fuck we explain this to our daughters?

(179 Posts)

My DD is two, so oblivious - for now - to this. But how do we explain to girls that their rights, their body and their feelings just don't matter as much to many, many people?

How do we explain that a presidential candidate uses terms like "grab her by the pussy" and boasts about non-consensual sexual encounters, and yet he's still beloved by people across the world?

How do we explain that if she is raped, her rapist's swimming career and education is more important than her dignity, mental health and right to her body?

How do you tell her that if she reports rape - or even reports theft of a handbag, but there's evidence that she has been raped - she could be dragged through the mud, vilified, illegally named, called every name under the sun, put through hell, her rapist will likely never see justice and she'll be branded a "lying slag"?

I'm sorry, I know this is probably one of many similar threads but I don't think I've ever felt quite so angry/despairing. Why are our bodies still just a fucking commodity for men to use and throw away? Why do so many people have such vileness and hatred in their hearts for other people for the crime of having a vagina? Why are people still raising their sons to see women as property, "less than", sub-human. Why do these people still exist?

What a headfuck. I hope something changes in the near future. I have no idea how you even begin explaining that to a girl just starting to realise how the world sees and treats women.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Fri 14-Oct-16 19:16:27

You don't say any of that - why would you? confused

What you can go is is to teach them to be the change the world needs.

FlabulousChic Fri 14-Oct-16 19:16:37

I wish people would stop going on about stuff that happened ten years ago. I don't like him he isn't good enough to be torsident he has no finesse and is a sexist pig. But his comments do come from his past before the presidential race

HenRah Fri 14-Oct-16 19:17:44

Mumsnet has gone down the toilet.


Crisscrosscranky Fri 14-Oct-16 19:18:06

She's two. Focus on teaching her how to count to twenty and dress herself.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Fri 14-Oct-16 19:18:25

It's only a foregone conclusion if you give in and give up.

HubrisComicGhoul Fri 14-Oct-16 19:18:39

We teach them that they have value regardless of the way society views them. We have failed them so far, but if we raise them to be strong women, maybe their generation can change the world.

milkingmachine1 Fri 14-Oct-16 19:18:41

I really don't know the answer to your question but I feel the same way. I have 2 DD's and worry about this. I feel like what with Trump and now the Ched Evans case outcome there is little hope. I feel like our society is regressing and the outlook to the future for girls and boys is very grim.

MsJamieFraser Fri 14-Oct-16 19:21:04

At 2, you don't need to be explaining anything.

Who are you to say some individuals should not exists!!!


WhoKnewSeamus Fri 14-Oct-16 19:21:17

Wow, you only need to look at most of these responses to see how big a problem it really is.
YaNbu OP.

MsJamieFraser Fri 14-Oct-16 19:21:35

hmm stoopid auto correct yabVu

Sgoinneal Fri 14-Oct-16 19:22:17

YANBU OP. We have to show our children where we've gone wrong as a society. It's hard but there has been some progress. It's just not nearly enough.

peachypips Fri 14-Oct-16 19:22:58

I agree with you OP. Can't quite believe some of the comments above. I only have sons, so I will pledge to educate them on how women (and human beings in general) should be treated. I think the only hope is to protect our boys from negative outside influences such as pornography, and constantly talk to boys about what they see in the outside world/media. It shouldn't have to be a girl's responsibility to stop herself being raped or abused in some way.

Lorelei76 Fri 14-Oct-16 19:23:16

OP you tell them the truth and establish neurotic levels of everything when Dealing with a Man.

I daresay someone will call me misandric, but basically teach them to be incredibly suspicious from a very young age. My mum did this to me and I am so glad of it.

Sgoinneal Fri 14-Oct-16 19:23:27

Busy on these threads tonight.

Squirmy65ghyg Fri 14-Oct-16 19:25:48


RumbleMum Fri 14-Oct-16 19:26:25

I understand your despair, OP, and that you're not intending to actually say these things - it's more about how do we prepare our DC for a world that's like this?

I don't know the answer (and don't have a DD) but I'm beginning to talk to DS1(6) in simple terms about the entrenched sexism that's all around us. About how some people believe X, Y and Z but good people know that's wrong. They can grasp the concept that there is injustice in the world at that age and that good people must fight against it.

It will be much, much harder when they're older though. sad

featherpillow Fri 14-Oct-16 19:27:05

I'm confused by some of these responses!


MollyRedskirts Fri 14-Oct-16 19:27:40


I have sons. Too damn right they're being raised to respect women as people.

Nanny0gg Fri 14-Oct-16 19:28:16

I wish people would stop going on about stuff that happened ten years ago. I don't like him he isn't good enough to be president he has no finesse and is a sexist pig. But his comments do come from his past before the presidential race

And you think it's irrelevant and he's changed?

Wow some people can't read - I did quite clearly say my daughter is two so she is oblivious to this for now. I'm not going to sit my toddler down and explain rape culture and misogyny to her. But she's not going to be two and oblivious forever.

Haggisfish Fri 14-Oct-16 19:29:55

Actually isn't it more difficult regarding what to say to our sons? We must ensure these attitudes don't persist-it's hard to break.

I wish people would stop going on about stuff that happened ten years ago.

Yeah, why do we even talk about the war anymore?

Or 9/11?

And we'd better just take history off the curriculum.

Or does it only become boring/irrelevant/"old news" when it's about women's bodies?

DianaMitford Fri 14-Oct-16 19:30:44

For goodness sake! Some people are just determined to be melodramatic.

TheLegendOfBeans Fri 14-Oct-16 19:30:50

I normally keep out of stuff like this but it's EXACTLY because of the stuff the OP is writing about that I felt actually worried when the scan showed my baby was a girl.

I thought I was oblivious to it all but nope. It's all around us.

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