Is this normal? Me having to organise everything

(11 Posts)
Lighthouseturquoise Fri 14-Oct-16 14:45:04

So there's me, dh and two dc.

I feel like I have to organise all of our activities.

Dh gets x amount of holiday and I actually organise when he's going to take time off. This might make me sound bossy or controlling but I do to work it around the school holidays, birthdays etc, dh works really hard and would just forget to take any time off at all. He also works for a small company so is limited when he can take holiday so if I didn't remind him he wouldn't be allowed. He has been known pre dc to just lose holiday.

He's got a week off soon and I'd like to go on a trip and do a few things but again I have to come up with the ideas. He knows I want to go away but never mentions it.

Same with birthdays, Christmas, holidays, everything really.

Sometimes it makes me feel a bit insecure as though he doesn't want to do things as a family, but he's always quite happy to go along with my ideas.

He organises other things like meeting his own friends, or doing jobs for his family but has even started to run everything by me or do I think he should do this on such and such a date.

Is this typical of most marriages?

Grumpyoldblonde Fri 14-Oct-16 15:20:34

I would say yes it's pretty typical, but that doesn't mean it's Ok. Do you organise all the birthday parties and Christmas too? All the dental appointments?
I have slowly handed over responsibility for certain things, in a non bossy way, "will you make child a dentist appointment while I make the lunch?" or "please take a look online for hotels in xxx area, while I sort this wash out" whatever.
I've also had to say in the past "you've shown zero interest in the new carpet/holiday/finances whatever" so you have forfeited your right to have an opinion, in other words, if you leave it all to me I'll make the decisions that suit me or I like the best.

Msqueen33 Fri 14-Oct-16 15:22:03

My husband is the same. When it comes to weekends he'll say "oh what do you want to do?" It drives me crazy like he can't be bothered to think of anything and doesn't want to do anything with us.

PeppasNanna Fri 14-Oct-16 15:25:44

How do you respect a partner thats so lazy?
I literally hate my dp because of this!

seagreengirl Fri 14-Oct-16 15:29:58

Same here sad

Lighthouseturquoise Fri 14-Oct-16 15:43:33

I definitely organise birthday parties and dental appointments and so on. To be fair I've always worked part time so it makes sense for me to. It might be nice for him to show some interest in our holidays and leisure activities.

I don't know, I mean he's not that lazy, works hard, does his bit round the house, does most of the driving, loads the car for holidays, he just doesn't come up with any ideas.

It just occurred to me he's off half term but he will just ask me next week what we are doing all week!

Lighthouseturquoise Fri 14-Oct-16 15:45:17

He always asks me what we at doing each weekend.

HarmlessChap Fri 14-Oct-16 15:57:12

I use to try organising things but no longer bother. While DW says she wants me to organise things the reality is she wants me to organise them as she would have done them and generally ends up getting massively critical then taking over and changing everything.

I also run things past her as she makes plans well in advance and I get told rather than consulted.

Lighthouseturquoise Fri 14-Oct-16 16:05:03

Perhaps that's how my dh feels!

mamabluestar Fri 14-Oct-16 16:09:26

Same here and it drives me mad. I agree with pp about respect, it has honestly chipped away at our marriage. The kids are becoming more aware of it and wont go to him for help with planning anything. But then I find myself trying to organise bonding time for them because I know what it's like to have a shit dad.

I'm not to treat him like a child though!!

Wrinklytights Fri 14-Oct-16 16:17:07

I organise holidays/Christmas etc as I enjoy planning stuff and accept that I am a bit of a control freak and would be like the PP's DW and want my DH to do things like I would. However, DH usually plans weekend activities as the DC and I are more happy chilling out at home so as he's the one who wants to do stuff, he organises it. I'd say overall we have a very fair balance of who does what esp as I only work very P/T and he has quite a demanding job.

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