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AIBU?

To consider relocating 150 miles away

16 replies

Mooey89 · 14/10/2016 11:32

DP is not from here. He is from a small city 150 miles away. We both love it there.

Where we currently live (south coast) is very deprived, high crime rate, bad schools (accords the city). We can just about afford a reasonable house in an ok part.

Proposed city has very low crime rate, great schools, better wages for our in demand jobs. Housing much much cheaper.

DS is 3.5 and not yet in school.

He sees his (abusive) father eow.

We are seriously considering the move, DS though would then have to stay overnight at his fathers perhaps once a month in order to continue contact due to dustabxe.

It's a huge move but would greatly improve our quality of life.

AIbU??

OP posts:

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Lovewineandchocs · 14/10/2016 11:35

If he can still keep the same level of contact with his father, I don't see why you wouldn't move. It sounds much better than where you currently live. Do you think your ex will have a problem with it?

Didiusfalco · 14/10/2016 11:37

It sounds like a no brainer if your quality of life will improve that much. What's the city?

Mooey89 · 14/10/2016 11:38

His father will hit the roof.

City is Norwich.

OP posts:

BugPlaster · 14/10/2016 11:44

Do it. As long as your son won't be at risk on those visits to his father?

Ifounddory · 14/10/2016 11:47

Do it. As long as your son won't be at risk on those visits to his father?

This. You just need also to be prepared to do more running with visits as you moved. I think the move would be very beneficial to you though by the sounds of it. A good father would respect this.

Mooey89 · 14/10/2016 11:48

He would have to be staying at Grannies house with ExH visiting, rather than staying at dad's.

Contact with Dad is never going to be great. That is a big worry for me. Currently risk is managed because he only goes during the day for short periods.

OP posts:

Lovewineandchocs · 14/10/2016 12:05

Is there a court order in place for contact? Why will he hit the roof?

tinyterrors · 14/10/2016 12:05

As long as you can keep ds safe during contact, and also do all the travel involved, then I say go. You can get a better house, have more money coming in and have better schools, it's a no brainer.

Mooey89 · 14/10/2016 12:12

He will hit the roof because he can. He is the most unreasonable person in the world.

No court order.

OP posts:

Lovewineandchocs · 14/10/2016 12:21

If he wants to stop you, he'll have to go to court. Your DS will have the same level of contact if you move, albeit you'll have to do a bit more running to facilitate it. Can he go to his dad's for short periods while you visit other friends, for example? Given that contact can remain more or less the same, I wouldn't factor your ex's disapproval into your decision. Is the plan for you and your DP to get jobs in Norwich first?

pinkdelight · 14/10/2016 12:21

How long have you been with DP? Is it a stable, happy long-term relationship? Sorry, don't wish to sound like an interfering bore, but you say your DC is only 3 and the father was abusive, and sometimes these patterns can repeat themselves, so before you up sticks and throw your lot in with DP in his home town, it's worth taking stock. Have you lived together as a family already?

Just on the abuse front, presumably you don't mean your ex is abusive to your DC, or he wouldn't be able to see him unsupervised anyway?

Lovewineandchocs · 14/10/2016 12:22

BTW I don't think he would be able to stop you going if it can be shown that it's the best thing for your DS.

Believeitornot · 14/10/2016 12:24

If his father is abusive, why does he have contact? Do you worry about your ds?

And who suggested moving to Norwich? Was it a joint decision?

madgingermunchkin · 14/10/2016 12:29

Do it.

And secretly hope that the abusive arse loses interest as it's too much effort so your DS is free

Mooey89 · 14/10/2016 12:32

Been with DP for a year, but worked together for much longer.

Both social workers.
Lived together for 6 months, very stable, very happy.

DS has contact still because ex is abusive to me rather than him, so I am trying to keep up a relationship whilst minimising the risk of harm.

Good idea about visiting friends actually - I could even stay with my mum one weekend a month and deposit DS for contact for a few hours sat and then few hours sun.

Feeling more and more like this could work!

OP posts:

Lovewineandchocs · 14/10/2016 12:44

Go for it! Good luck

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