AIBU to contact his mum??(44 Posts)
So tonight my son has received a bit of a torrent of abuse via whatsapp from a boy he previously went to school with. It started off with him telling him to "F off", followed by nobody likes you, you have no friends, you are adopted-surprised anyone even took you! Tomorrow I'm going to beat you up, you are so gay etc etc etc.
I was sat next to my son on the sofa so I saw every message come through & the replies he sent back (which were very mature I must say
maybe because I was watching! Another boy jumped on the band wagon & joined in the abuse. I could tell my son was really upset, husband done the "manly" bit & said the boy didn't have the guts to beat him up etc etc but I think the damage was already done.
So as not to drip feed; my son has just started secondary school (year 7) in September, he was only 11 in August though. He went to school with the instigator from reception up to year 6 and they were best friends until about March/April of this year..literally in each other's pockets until this point. He made a point of not inviting my son to his party in June but then inviting everybody else & telling him how much fun they had/were having for weeks on end. He pushed my son socially out of all their joint groups & basically made my sons last term at school shit!! So much so, that we celebrated when school finished in July!
Me & my husband believe the boy is jealous because my son passed the 11+ & got the school place they both wanted. I know it sounds ridiculous but his parents were very pushy, he done lots of tuition but ultimately failed very badly, the boy (&his parents) was distraught! The boys didn't have a big row or falling out over anything, it was so bad the school even noticed it. The only thing that ties in time wise is the release of results & school places.
Now as they were such good friends I know his parents & extended family quite well. We have never socialised together though.
They are generally a nice family & I think his mum would be mortified if she knew half of what he's said.. I think the boy can be a bit of a sheep & goes with the flock to "look cool" or "impress" others.
I bit my tongue last term because my husband & son said I would make it worse if I spoke to his mum (& husband thought the boys would get over it & then I'd look like a silly over controlling mum!!!)
Now I am so angry over what's happened this evening, I really want to speak to his mum tomorrow, what should I do??
Unfortunately as they still attend scouts & rugby together simply "blocking" him on social media won't cut it. Would it be unfair to contact her regarding her sons social media use?!
Just as a side note, my son isn't adopted & is generally a really happy confident boy with lots of friends so I think these comments have really hurt him.
Seeing as you know the mother and she seems to be a reasonable woman, I'd speak to her.
Yes, I'd take a print out of the WhatsApp thread and speak to her in a "how can we work together to resolve this" way.
I'd want to know if my son was behaving like that. Hope your son is okay.
You should show her the texts. She would no doubt be utterly mortified.
I'd definitely be speaking to the mum with the phone and messages to show her. Hopefully she is reasonable and deals with it. I wouldn't mention the reason you think it all started though.
What a horrible little shit. Yes I would definitely have a chat with the parent(s).
No! Disagree with everyone else. Don't get sucked into silly stuff between kids. Equip your child to cope and deal. If your child is not adopted, then a comment saying "you are adopted" has no weight. Don't make rubbish more important than it is.
If you're worried, talk to the school.
If a child's talking rubbish, don't buy into it - be the grown up, and teach your child to be the same!
I agree with ImissGranny. Keep the excellent communications open with your son and equip him as you have done to deal with this. The only thing I might do is at rugby and scouts maybe you could just let the leaders/ coaches know in a private conversation to look out for any bullying there. If those activities are a different mix of children the bully might not be so
confident and it's an opportunity for your son to act unfazed if he can carry that off. I also don't think he should reply to any messages. In my experience parents getting involved usually makes things worse. Do monitor carefully though as obviously there comes a point where intervention is necessary.
I would also tell her. I'd want to know if my child did something like that. Poor DS and I agree it sounds like jealousy!
If you think she is likely to want to stop it then I'd tell her. I agree it's almost certainly jealousy but I wouldn't mention that to the Mum! I'd also mention it to the scout leader so he can avoid pairing them up and keep an eye out for subtle bullying.
Hugs to your ds it's horrid being bullied especially if they were friends as it seems more of a betrayal then.
Don't get sucked into silly stuff between kids.
This is not silly stuff. This is very nasty, very deliberate online bullying. The affects of which can be long lasting and seriously damaging to the mental health of the victim.
OP of course tell the mother. And I don't think you need to be softly softly about it either. From what you say your DS has nothing to apologise for.
I would send her a screen shot of the messages, tell the Mum your DS is very upset and you hope she agrees this is unacceptable and not to be repeated.
Block the boy, make sure Scouts/Rugby know there's an issue which needs carefully monitoring, keep a diary of any further altercations and go to the police as soon as there's another threat of assault.
Shocking. I'd definitely follow up. I'd also tell your son that they boy sounds like a jealous psycho. Hopefully, you can talk it through with your son so he can understand the emotional side of it better - might help him not take it personally. He could also have a think if he wants to carry on even speaking to the boy.
So his mother. I wouldnt tell her. I'd take that phone to the police.
They threatened to beat him up. 10 is the age of criminal responsibility. If they want to behave like grown ups thinking they are tough they should expect to be treated like grown ups and deal with the consequences.
I would normally be inclined to say just sit on your hands, offer support to DS and let kids be kids and get over it. But it's clear this is much worse than a childish fall out, and is now bullying. I'm actually at posters who wouldn't take this further.
I would speak to the mum. If you don't get the desired response from her, or it continues/gets worse then I would go with Queens suggestion and visit your local police station. Poor DS.
Cant speak for her obviously, but I would want to know if one of my lot had done this, and I would go fucking ballistic.
So yes, tell her. It wont stop until there are consequences, bullies rely on silence.
Id screen grab them and send them to her. If that was my son I would want to know
Definitely show her what her son has been doing. That's cyber bullying so should be taken seriously. I'd want to know if it was my son.
I also agree with showing school as they are also required to address bullying between pupils. Anti bullying week is in November and they should have a strong policy in place.
Why on earth did you sit and let him reply to any of it? You should have taken the phone, screen shot the messages and sent/contacted him mum, absolutely -but no way would I have responded and "fed the monster". That is what bullies want -a response, however rational and reasoned. Your poor son, I hope this gets resolved.
I think you should take screenshots and show her. Do it all very gently and explain that you've reached the point that you needed to let her know, want to work together bla bla. Don't go in all guns blazing.
I would also let the rugby coach and scout leader aware of the situation so they can monitor what is going on and keep an eye out for any nastiness.
It's not 'silly stuff between kids' at all. Bullying like this can have far reaching affects. If my child was the perpetrator I would absolutely want to know.
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