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My sister's ex is having a baby....

(25 Posts)
polarbearlover Thu 13-Oct-16 21:50:28

Am I being unreasonable, MN?
My sister won't post about this.
She has raised her daughter (age 5) with very little support for the last 4 years. She & my niece are amazing.
Her ex (bit of a player) got together with a woman two years ago. He's just announced they're having a baby.
My sister is ok about it. (I think) but the ex & his family are all posting on FB/raving about how my niece is gonna have a little sister or brother! They live two hours away from my sister & niece, his girlfriend has met my sister once & was rude to her... Half sister or brother, yes.
Isn't it going to confuse my niece that this baby is going to be her 'sister or brother' when she hardly sees them all & the baby is nothing to do with her mum? Or am I just being a pedantic twat?

Owllady Thu 13-Oct-16 21:54:51

I think conducting this kind of thing out on Facebook is awful
If your sisters ex doesn't support his first daughter, of course it's horrible fir your sister and your niece

deathandtaxes123 Thu 13-Oct-16 21:55:54

I don't think you're being pedantic and I can absolutely see why you're annoyed/upset but she's his daughter too so I guess they can post it.

You know it bollocks if they hardly see your niece but you need to rise above it and be positive for your niece. It's not the baby's fault so just be positive with her about it.

I don't think she'll be confused if it's explained to her properly and with as little bias as possible. Stick to the facts and tell her what's happening. I'm a big fan of being honest with children.

No matter how much of dick he/she is just be serene and rise above it smile and scream inwardly!

John4703 Thu 13-Oct-16 21:59:00

I feel for your sis. She needs to protect her daughter from all of this and make sure that she knows that she is loved and matters to her mum.
(Why do people post such rubbish on Facebook?)

Starlight2345 Thu 13-Oct-16 22:00:19

The FB thing won't affect niece..

It will affect your sister though..

She would be better blocking or at least unfollowing so she can't see.

BarbarianMum Thu 13-Oct-16 22:01:38

No it won't confuse her, why would it? Honestly, lots of people have half siblings that they see regularly/occasionally/never. Just tell her but keep it low key.

JenLindleyShitMom Thu 13-Oct-16 22:07:00

Ok you and your sister need to block him and his family/partner on FB. You aren't doing yourselves any good by checking what is being posted.

Secondly, a 5 year old is perfectly able to understand that their sibling has a different mum but same dad. She will be fine.

MammaTJ Thu 13-Oct-16 22:26:56

When I married the father of a 9 year old, then got pregnant, the girls mother kept saying our baby would 'only be a half sibling', which she then repeated to me. I told her that neither of them is half a person and strictly speaking, yes, they would be half siblings, but I preferred to think of them as siblings.

I think it would be very damaging to your niece to keep pushing the 'half' thing for your own ends. A 5 year old is very well able to understand that they are siblings with one parent in common.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 13-Oct-16 22:34:28

The FB issue won't, thankfully, fall under your niece's radar. If she very rarely sees her father, the news that she now has a baby brother or sister will probably be best coming from your sister once the baby arrives safely.
I'm sure your sister will find the best way of breaking the news in an appropriate way.

However, I can completely see why you & your sister are upset and/or annoyed at these posts. I can only recommend blocking and unfollowing the couple concerned, together with any family members involved. If they ask why, tell them.

pikesy Fri 14-Oct-16 01:14:36

My children both have siblings on their dads' sides of the family. They're their brothers or their sisters. Any name with 'half' in it suggests huge resentment: half caste, half blood. I know it must be difficult for your sister, but much easier in the long term. If your sister had another child, would he/she be referred to as a half sibling?

CaptainCabinets Fri 14-Oct-16 01:37:14

The word 'half' is so small but so hurtful in this context. My siblings are all biologically 'half' but I would never refer to them as such, nor allow anyone else to.

What would be confusing for your niece is her auntie having a problem with her gaining a new sibling and trying to dilute their relationship with that nasty little word.

So yes, you're being -a dickhead- unreasonable.

CaptainCabinets Fri 14-Oct-16 01:38:49

^ meant to be a strikethrough, obviously.

GreatFuckability Fri 14-Oct-16 01:49:24

I have 'full', 'half' and step siblings. To us we are all siblings. That distinction between people is just unnecessary as far as I'm concerned.

pikesy Fri 14-Oct-16 02:20:19

I also have "half" siblings and would never think of them that way. Unfortunately, your sister and her partner didn't stay together, and that's sad for those three as a family. It took a while for me to accept my daughters brother and sister, but they're close, they're lovely children and my daughter is happy. It is difficult when they're first born though, and you're the mum who's not involved. I understand, but there are no halves

Atenco Fri 14-Oct-16 05:29:23

Well my dd has a half-sibling, like your neice will have. Not the end of the world, but I do think siblings who grow up together are not the same as siblings that only meet occasionally.

GreatFuckability Fri 14-Oct-16 07:03:55

Different in what way, atenco? They may not be as close as they might be living together, but then I'm not especially close to my sibling I lived with and am very close to one of my 'half'-siblings and a step-sibling who I generally only saw once a month growing up.

Redken24 Fri 14-Oct-16 07:42:23

agree so much with all the pp - stop with the half! the kids shouldnt be raised with these titles so nip it in the bud

TheNaze73 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:14:33

They sound horrendous playing this all out on FB. It really does appeal to the lowest common denominators in society.

Do agree with most posters, the word 'half' is not needed

polarbearlover Fri 14-Oct-16 08:18:29

Thanks everyone
Feel like it's just me being an idiot ( my sister is being v cool about it)
She is such a great mum. Im also slightly worried about my niece wanting to go & live with with them when the baby comes along so that they can play happy families (they are loaded. Sis lives in a council flat)
I'm being OTT aren't i ?

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Fri 14-Oct-16 08:22:11

I have 2 step children and a ds so they are technically 'half' siblings and from the day we told the kids I was pregnant their mum started saying things like "the baby is only your half sibling" "he's not your real brother" dsd (18) has always been of the opinion he us her brother and the fact they have different mums doesn't matter, Ds (18 months) adores her and they have a brilliant relationship, sadly dss (13) is of the opinion his mum is right and that being a half brother somehow makes him less important and basically ignores ds to the point ds doesn't bother with him at all. You need to teach your niece that they are siblings and that's what's important not focus on the fact they have different mothers.

SaucyJack Fri 14-Oct-16 08:29:28

What does your niece think?

She may be very pleased about the baby. Lots of children are to get a baby sibling- even if it is a half, and they don't live together. Obv. some aren't.

I just think it's important to remember that the baby isn't the one who's done anything wrong. It's nice to be positive about a new life in the world.

BombayBonsai Fri 14-Oct-16 08:30:11

I have to say if my ex had a baby I wouldn't class that child to be a sibling. DD doesn't see her Dad at all though and doesn't recognise him when we have literally been within touching distance. She wouldn't have any kind of relationship with the child which would be sad.

I honestly don't know how/when I would explain to DD about that. It's a very difficult situation. If she is going to see them at some point then I think your sister has to use the term sibling and unfortunately she'll also need to be the one who comforts her child when he she gets upset/confused about the situation.

I hate parents who as good as dispose of one child and yet go on to have more. The heartache the cause they will never understand sad

Manumission Fri 14-Oct-16 08:35:09

You think?

It's probably fair.

Manumission Fri 14-Oct-16 08:35:29

Sorry, wrong thread blush

polarbearlover Fri 14-Oct-16 18:35:13

Thank you everyone. Just spoke to my sister about this thread & she laughed at me for posting. Oops.
Her ex is what I would call a Disney Dad & pops up when he feels like it (buying extravagant presents for my niece & plastering photos & stuff all over FB)
My DH & him are FB friends btw, not my sister or me because I think he's a nob.

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