A woman has shouted at dd

[lightsandresistance]

Dd is 13 and has aspergers and other sen. She is very quiet, has social anxiety and really struggles with people.
She is usually pretty accurate at recalling events.

Dd has just started catching the bus alone. This is a HUGE deal for her. I was walking to school with her till mid year eight because she wouldn't go alone.

She has been really enjoying the freedom of the bus but a couple of days ago she was sat on the bus playing on her phone when a lady dropped something. Dd looked up and looked at her to see what the noise was. She also looked to check she herself hadn't dropped something.

The woman who had dropped something really layed into her shouting at her for looking at her. I don't know what was said but dd ended up really shook up.

I told dd to ignore her but dd is now obsessed about this woman. Apparently dd now thinks she glared at her this morning.

I have no idea what to do. There is no other bus which will get her there in time and dd is now terrified of this woman. I don't know whether to pop on the bus with her one day and speak to her but i don't know how she will react and then dd is stuck on that bus with her daily.

[RedHelenB]

Maybe the woman has special needs like your dd has?

Cant she sit away from her?

[RiverTam]

Sounds like that woman might have social problems of her own? So maybe explain that like DD, she's not entirely comfortable bring out and about.

Just a guess.

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

I think it's a good idea to pop into the bus one or two times just to get an idea of the woman if she's a regular.

What about the drivers? Do they vary much? Could you chat to one on the journey? See if they could be mindful of the situation?

Such a shame for your DD to regress in confidence after such a big step.

[DoItTooJulia]

Is it a public bus?

Could she catch an earlier one?

I hope your dd is ok

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

If she reacted like that to your DD glancing at her then, like PP said its likely she has MH issues or additional needs herself. Esp if she was glaring at your DD more than a day afterwards!

By all means catch the bus with your DD but i wouldn't confront the woman.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Oh and dont rely on the bus driver - in our area they would chuck your DD and the woman off the bus

[MrsJayy]

Not great for your Dd that poor kid go with her for a few days just for reassurance

[lightsandresistance]

There isn't an earlier bus. It is the first one out from where we live. The next one would get her there too late for school.

The woman has got on the bus daily this week. It is possibly that she has been there all along.

Dd gets on first and the woman isn't on until later in the journey and dd is sitting in those single seats right at the front as she feels safer there and cannot bare people sitting next to her.

I have raised to dd that the lady might have SN or MH issues.

Yes a public bus, major bus firm so im guessing the bus drivers change regularly.

It is so blooming tough.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I agree, good idea for you to take the bus a couple of times with your DD to see if this woman is actually glaring at her. Probably best not to confront her at all, just in case - but it might stop her trying to intimidate your DD (if that's what she's doing) if you're there.

And yes, if it's the same bus driver every day (don't know if it's an urban or country route) then it might be worth mentioning it to them too.

[Peach9876]

I'd say similar to PP but also add that maybe the woman was having a bad day. Surely DD has had days before where she was got upset and reacted OTT to situations, we all have them. If DD is able to talk about these experiences and relate them to this woman it might help.
I'd imagine if it's a case of this woman snapped (which is totally wrong, who the hell shouts at a child for looking at them!) then I wonder if the woman feels uncomfortable herself and doesn't know how to react to DD or if she isn't actually doing more than glancing but due to DD anxiety (which is understandable) DD is reading more into it than is there. My sister has social anxiety and HATES going somewhere on her own and hates buses etc. She is the same, if someone so much as glances at her she feels they are scowling or judging.

[CozyAutumn]

Your poor DD Hope she's ok

[TaintedAngel]

I second The suggestion of also catching the bus at meant once with DD but not "with" her. That way the woman will have no idea you are with your DD and you can quietly observe the situation and your DD will have a bit more reassurance that you are there on hand to check out the situation for her. Hope your DD is ok and it doesn't put her off doing her school journey alone!

[TaintedAngel]

Excuse the random words that auto correct decided to chuck in to my post

[Gatehouse77]

I'd go alongside her for a couple of mornings but not with her, to observe this lady objectively.
Hopefully, it will turn out to be a grumpy lady who is rubbish in the mornings.

[Italiangreyhound]

Your poor dd, hope she will feel fine soon.

Go with her as soon as you are able. Watch the situation and if you sense a problem speak to the woman. Just be really polite and see what happens.

Just reassure your dd, lots of people have issues and get upset for no reason, it is about them and it is best to ignore them.

[Bountybarsyuk]

I would not have a word with this woman yourself. It is highly unusual behaviour to shout at someone on the bus. Grumpy normal people or people having a bad day don't shout at others on buses, my dd takes the bus all the time and she would be very upset if someone shouted at her. Everyone minds their own business and doesn't speak in the main.

I think you probably do have to get on the bus with her if you can, even just for a day. This woman may indeed have problems and may indeed be glaring at your dd. I don't think this is regular or everyday at all. Your poor dd.

[gillybeanz]

I wouldn't ask the bus driver, most round here don't speak very good English anyway. I asked if one went past a certain local landmark, he said "ask passenger". It's not their job to do anything but drive.

I'd accompany her for a while and get her to point out the woman, maybe then you could speak to her, just in general and gauge what she is like from just being friendly.
At least then you can explain to dd why she might be the way she is, be it rudeness or mh issues.

[BorpBorpBorp]

Would it help your DD to wear headphones, even if she doesn't have music on, as a kind of barrier between her and the woman? It might help the woman feel like your DD isn't interested in her too.

[ppeatfruit]

Just a thought, does your dd sit in the specified seats for 'elderly or infirm' people? Maybe the unpleasant woman was annoyed about that.

What a shame for your dd though. Good idea to wear headphones. Also for you to go with her and sit to observe.

[PterodactylToenails]

I would also get on the bus with my daughter and would probably have the very strong urge to ask the woman why the f**k she shouted at my daughter?

[Ginkypig]

It must be hard for your dd. my dd sounds a lot like yours (although she's in hers 20's now)and once the connection had been made its very difficult to break it!

To be honest as tough as it is right now it's a good lesson for your dd to learn about the world. if you can use it as a way to teach your dd that somtimes people can be horrible for no reason even though it's wrong and unfair.
your dd is absolutely not to blame but that doesn't mean she should give in to it. Your dd has every right to be on that bus and hold her head up high, people like that are in the world and none of us can change it but they don't rule it!
Does that make sense op?

[Janey50]

Sorry OP,my sympathies to you and your DD. I think your best bet would be to accompany her for a few days,just to reassure her. I wouldn't recommend confronting this woman,as in my experience,it usually makes things worse. I have come to the conclusion over the last couple of years that there are some seriously unpleasant people around,who just seem to be waiting for an opportunity to start getting angry with someone about something/anything. Unfortunately,these people seem to target the more vulnerable amongst us. You can bet anything you like that she wouldn't have ranted at a 6 foot 4 inch seventeen stone bloke,like she did at your DD. Hope your DD recovers OK from this unpleasant incident.