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Sport-mad husband -- is this normal?

(19 Posts)
user1476293103 Wed 12-Oct-16 18:28:40

I have a husband who goes to football all day Saturdays (10am-8pm), Boxing Day and any other day of the week there's a match.
He also does marathons and trains 90 mins 2 or 3 nights a week.
When he's not doing that, he's often reading the sports in the paper. On top, he usually goes out with his friends once a week.

I totally get that he has to have his own hobbies and interests and don't want to suffocate him. But at the same time, I feel like I don't have a moment to spare to even read the newspaper as I'm so busy running around doing things: ferrying children, washing, ironing, cooking and my own full-time job.

I've tried setting up a chores list for help around the house, but my husband just got angry and says he's at his limits and has no time to spare. (He commutes to London and doesn't get home til after 8pm).
I feel depressed and can't sleep most nights as I feel disrespected and unloved and like I'm just not that important. Then, I wonder if I'm being unfair or unreasonable.

Like he stayed out overnight for a work do, and didn't call or even text. Then, when I told him that made me feel upset, he said: "I can't believe we're even having a discussion about this".

I'm so unhappy I'm thinking about leaving. Is there anything I can do to save our marriage?

capricorn12 Wed 12-Oct-16 18:39:34

I don't think you have much of a marriage to save by the sounds of it, sorry but he is taking the piss! Where is the balance here? When do you get to do anything you want to? If he thinks he's at his limits, how on earth does he think you feel?
As for him having no spare time , all the time he does his marathon training and football watching is spare time and staying out all night without a call or text is just not on. he would be getting his marching orders from me I'm afraid.

MoreGilmoreGirls Wed 12-Oct-16 18:40:04

He does not sound very invested in you or his kids. Does he do anything with you as a family? Does he do anything nice for you? I'd be very depressed if I was in your shoes.

Have you had a serious talk with him? Sat him down and told him how unappreciated you feel? Would he go to counselling?

I can't say if you can save your marriage it sounds like it's up to him to decide if he wants to change.

NapQueen Wed 12-Oct-16 18:41:25

Oh my god he sounds like he is taking you for a ride.

If you feel it's worth saving you need to be out whenever he isn't. Every Sunday, all the weekends he isn't out. Every single one. No discussion and no prepping what he may need. Just walk out the door.

TequilaBlockingBird Wed 12-Oct-16 18:41:40

Was he like this before kids, did you have to do all the house stuff then?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Wed 12-Oct-16 18:42:22

He sounds like he is a selfish arse who has checked out of your marriage.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 12-Oct-16 18:44:49

No this isn't normal. My DH isn't sports mad but I know plenty who are and none of them behave like this. This is some friction (cycling and fishing seen the worst for this) and moaning from the wives at times but the husbands do their share as well.

Sausagerollers Wed 12-Oct-16 18:48:43

This is your life and he clearly has no intention of changing; why would he? He has a fantastic deal.
If you are happy with this being your life for the next 40-60 years (having someone who sees sport/games/his friends as more important than you, and you racing round after him) then stay. If you want someone who treats you with respect and as an equal then leave.

By leaving one of two things will happen:
1) he'll realise what an are he's been and you can negotiate your terms of the relationship from scratch again, or
2) you no longer have to cook and clean aftr him as well as getting 50% of the week where he has 100% responsibility for the kids and you get to rest/do a hobby/go out with friends.

Either way it sounds better than whatyou have at the moment.
Pack him a bag and tell him to fuck off!

Spookybitch Wed 12-Oct-16 18:52:27

When's your leisure time?

AnyFucker Wed 12-Oct-16 18:52:45

Save your marriage ? What marriage ?

mum2Bomg Wed 12-Oct-16 18:53:58

Well, that sounds shite for you xxx

FlabulousChic Wed 12-Oct-16 18:56:05

Sounds like you're the unpaid help. He is living the life of a single man but getting sex, clean clothes and is dinner on tap. When you have a family you cut down in the hobbies. Do you get time alone?

RosaRosaRose Wed 12-Oct-16 19:01:33

He'll have plenty to keep him busy when you leave the marriage, then (and you should). Looking for a new place will give him an extra activity to go on with. Sorry you're going through this. You deserve better.

Marzipants Wed 12-Oct-16 19:01:52

DH used to be like this, before we had kids. Sorry OP, he sounds like a dick.

Snapandcrackle Wed 12-Oct-16 19:02:45

Very selfish
His sports is spare time. Where is yours?
Asking him to leave can only improve the situation

deathandtaxes123 Wed 12-Oct-16 19:06:18

Are you married to Vassos on Radio 2?

DirtyDancing Wed 12-Oct-16 19:07:51

Why is he out 10-8 when a football match is 90 minutes. Even if he played and then went for a pint afterwards I would expect him back for lunchtime so the rest of the Saturday is family time. Sunday he could do say 1-2 hours training AM or PM depending on family arrangements and then I'd probably allow one evening a week. Max

Over and above that I would say he's got other priorities than his family and you might be better off on your own.

FullTimeYummy Wed 12-Oct-16 19:11:24

Your marriage sounds shit, although in the guy's defence if he's leaving early and not getting home until 8pm on weekdays, his life isn't a picnic either.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 12-Oct-16 19:20:26

I also have a Sports Mad DH.

Before we had DS he was captain of our local football team and cricket team so was out on a weekend, dependent on what sport he was playing, and also had training 2-3 weeks. He also played Rugby at times, was a regular gym-goer and also went to watch the football team he supported when they were playing.

However, following the birth of DS he handed in his captaincy badge of the football and cricket and only played for them maybe once a month, he altered his gym time so he went before work instead of afterwards and he also really cut back on playing Rugby.

DS is 2.5 years old and DH's sport will still always come second to spending time with me and DS. He tends to watch our local football/rugby team on a Saturday but is gone for a maximum of 4 hours so God knows why your DH is away for 10??

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