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To be hurt that he said this?

(8 Posts)
Dramallamamama Wed 12-Oct-16 18:22:15

I have been with my husband for 12 years, since our children were between 4 and 6. We've never treated each others children as if they weren't pet of or family and we've all always got along as well as a family of 7 can haha.

My 2 sons, step daughter and step son are all in relationship. I get on brilliantly with and adore all of them apart from stepsons girlfriend. She really is not the nicest of girls and at times I find it hard to be around her. I've always tried to be nice to her and welcome her into our home as I understand she could very well be around for a long time.

This evening DD told me the girlfriend has cottoned on that I don't like her much and DSS told her it's only because he isn't my real son and she should just ignore it because I'll never feel the same about her as I do my 2 sons girlfriends.

For some reason this really hurt me. He knows my reasons for not being a fan and I've always tried to be nice to her. But not only that but I've always treated my step children as though they were my own so to me it seems like a real punch in the face that he's making out like I'll never like his girlfriends because he isn't my real son. It's also not like I've only ever liked my sons girlfriends and never his, my younger son used to see a vile girl that I ended up banning from our house and DSSs ex girlfriend was lovely and we got on really well.

DH says I'm just being sensitive but I can't help but feel sad sad AIBU?

pocketsaviour Wed 12-Oct-16 18:24:52

Don't you think he probably said that to her as a face-saving exercise rather than saying "Yeah, she doesn't like you because you smoke/drink/swear/listen to Justin Bieber"?

corythatwas Wed 12-Oct-16 18:27:30

He is a young lad who is in love and feels loyal to his girlfriend. Much easier for him to lay the blame on the safe parent-figure who has always been there for him, than to admit either to himself or to her that she has her unattractive traits.

Arfarfanarf Wed 12-Oct-16 18:28:12

That is veey hurtful.

Do you think he said it because he was trying to make her feel better and couldnt think of anything remotely sane or sensible? Not thinking about how hurtful it is. Just as it it's not you it's me thing?

Im not excusing it but maybe it was just stupidity? Not how he actually thinks?

Do you want to talk to him about it? Tell him that it hurt you?

Smrendell Wed 12-Oct-16 18:28:15

Maybe he is just embarrassed by the real reason you don't like her?

When I was a teen one of my exs mum turned on me one day out of the blue when we used to get on amazing before. He told me all sorts of reasons that weren't true. The real reason was his older brothers girlfriend had over heard a conversation I had with a friend where I wasn't being the nicest and repeated it to his brother who then told him mum but made it sound worse. He told me he kept lying because he didn't want me to be upset with the real reason. If he kept lying to me their is a chance that I could keep trying and eventually get back in her good books but if I knew the truth I'd have made things worse by disliking his brother and his girlfriend and trying to convince his mum that it wasn't how t seemed.

Dramallamamama Wed 12-Oct-16 18:30:18

Thanks for the replies guys. I hadn't thought of it in that way.

I do want to talk to him but at the same time I don't want to make him feel uncomfy about it all. confused

charlybs Wed 12-Oct-16 18:37:54

Talk to him - but maybe just make it about what he said rather than the whole thing. I think if you hear he's said something about you not loving him as much as his siblings it should be addressed. I think he'd appreciate it, even if he's very awkward at the time.

Hermanfromguesswho Wed 12-Oct-16 18:38:38

He's hardly going to say to her 'my step mum doesn't like you because you're a bitch'. It's a really handy excuse for him to give her to stop her getting hurt (and he obviously cares about her if she is his long term girlfriend). Maybe he's even trying to convince himself that it's true as why would he want to believe that the girl he loves is too unpleasant to be liked by his step mum?

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