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Dh wants to name our firstborn after his beloved godmother BUT

(112 Posts)
Snuzzlewumpet Wed 12-Oct-16 14:34:29

-she has the same name as his ex gf! hmm Even though it's a nice name I'm not happy about it. He's quite insistent, it's a cultural thing. I'm not bu am I?

Goingtobeawesome Wed 12-Oct-16 14:35:04


What culture?

ByeByeLilSebastian Wed 12-Oct-16 14:35:52

Nah you're not.
It has to be a name you both want.

PipersPiping Wed 12-Oct-16 14:37:23

Could you compromise and have it as a middle name? Or is it a no go for you altogether? If so you need to explain this and stick to your guns.

myownprivateidaho Wed 12-Oct-16 14:37:34

I think you have to agree on a name for sure. What about having this one as a middle name?

KarmaNoMore Wed 12-Oct-16 14:38:23

My exH's ex had the name I always ALWAYS said I would use if I had a daughter. I knew it wouldn't be in use anymore the moment he told me her name.

I'm sure people would immediately assume that he still carries a torch for his ex.

Shallishanti Wed 12-Oct-16 14:38:40

is there a different spelling available or a shortening

EveOnline2016 Wed 12-Oct-16 14:39:52

I would never name a child of mine a name I wasn't comfortable using daily.

Seeing as he is your DH he could technically register the birth without you if he feel so strongly though, so communicate and get a decision done before the birth

KarmaNoMore Wed 12-Oct-16 14:40:07

If it is a cultural thing, I assume it may be in another language, could you find a nice translation for that name?

melibu84 Wed 12-Oct-16 14:40:17

I would say insist it is the middle name. If he doesn't get why your uncomfortable using the name as the first name, ask him how he would feel if you named one of your kids after one of YOUR exes :D

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 14:42:42


You need to come to an agreement

It's both of your baby and he can't insist for "cultural" reasons

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst Wed 12-Oct-16 14:43:17

I don't think YABU, and cultural thing or not, the name needs to be something you're both happy with.

pipsqueak25 Wed 12-Oct-16 14:46:25

middle name if it had to be used, sorry but i'm going to stick my head on the block [with hard hat firmly in place] grin and say.... this is what happens when people marry /have dc with different cultures, there is no big deal but you will always get this sort of thing happening.

MaximumVolume Wed 12-Oct-16 14:49:23

One of my children has the name of one of my exes (from our late teens). It's a nice name & DH was pretty insistent he really liked it. Also it was very much a fun relationship rather than a "we'll be together forever" thing.

He's a friend on FB & I do wonder whether he's noticed occasionally (mainly when I go to type DS's name and it tries to tag ex!) & feel a bit cringe!

NKFell Wed 12-Oct-16 14:55:29

I'm exactly the same as you Max ! My FB tries to tag my school boyfriend blush

It very much depends how you feel op- I don't see it as a big deal and your DH obviously doesn't see it as a big deal but if it is for you then it's unfair of him to dismiss your concerns.

SugarMiceInTheRain Wed 12-Oct-16 14:55:49

You both need to be happy with the name.

That said, one of my favourite names for a boy happened to be the name of my ex (well, we dated for a couple of months!) but I didn't really associate the name with him. I gave DH the final decision between that and another name I liked - he chose the other name, which was fine by me.

Peach9876 Wed 12-Oct-16 15:08:57

I think it depends on your ex's relationship. No way would I want my child to be named after his ex. They were together for a year or so and it was his first girlfriend that the family got to know. Plus lots of history, lies and issues between us (stuff he did and things he said). So no chance.
I'm also the jealous type, one of my many issues. So it would bug me, depending on the situation.
If it was just one of many flings or something I don't think I'd mind as much, but if it's a serious ex that everyone knows about and remembers, then hell no!

DP and I don't have kids, and it's not a definate we will try. But we are having naming issues already! He wants something for a girl that is so super close (so same shortened) as my nephew (DS son) and niece (DB daughter, but he had no choice in name). So I don't want to, even though it's a lovely name. I want to name a son after my Grandad, but my DP HATES the name and any shortenings or changes etc.

MitzyLeFrouf Wed 12-Oct-16 15:09:51


If you don't like the name you can veto it. No parent should be pressurised into agreeing to a name.

expatinscotland Wed 12-Oct-16 15:12:03

You both need to be comfortable with the name. He can insist all he wants, but he's living in this culture now, where one person cannot just do what they want unilaterally in a case like this.

Dontpanicpyke Wed 12-Oct-16 15:12:15

You both need to agree on your child's name. That's it op. Culture be buggered.

Snuzzlewumpet Wed 12-Oct-16 15:15:53

Apparently he made a promise to her hmm my mil agrees with him too.

Happybunny19 Wed 12-Oct-16 15:16:26

No. Regardless of it being his ex's name, if you don't both agree on a name it can't be used. Cultural or not you need to be happy with your choice of name for your child.

scallopsrgreat Wed 12-Oct-16 15:18:12

Well he had no right to make that promise. I'm thinking there may be other issues here.

Dontpanicpyke Wed 12-Oct-16 15:20:30

Well he shouldn't have and that's all.

MulberryBush12 Wed 12-Oct-16 15:21:02

He shouldn't have made such a promise and his mother should mind her own business.
This is a decision for 2 people only (baby's parents) to agree on.
Your OH is being ridiculous.

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