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Invited to a wedding, can't bring DD... :( AIBU to tell her it's her coming too or I won't be there?

(368 Posts)
FireplacePick Wed 12-Oct-16 14:00:56

DD is only 9 months, she's our only child.

I do often leave DD with my mum (when I'm at work for a couple of hours) and I'm fine with it.

DH can't come to the wedding anyway, as he is working away. It's in a different country (the wedding) but not exactly far, but need to go on a plane. It's my best friend, so I'd rather not miss it, she is like my sister. No children are allowed... it clearly says on the invite. There's a massive apology that babies and small children cannot attend. I'm assume a few teens will be there (she has a lot of family that are about 12+). Of course it's her wedding and she can invite who she likes, but I don't think I'm happy to leave DD with my mum for 4 days and nights... 1) not sure it's fair on my mum 2) I don't particularly want to leave her for that long on her own, as she definitely can't settle properly (at night) without me sad

I literally feel so sick.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Wed 12-Oct-16 14:03:37

christ, what part of no babies is it you are struggling with?

no babies means no babies, so spelling this out for you as simply as possible if you won't leave YOUR baby then YOU can't go.


SheldonsSpot Wed 12-Oct-16 14:03:58

When is the wedding and why do you need to go for 4 nights?

GinIsIn Wed 12-Oct-16 14:04:40

If it clearly states no babies then yes, you would BU to insist - if they don't want babies at their wedding they don't want them there.

Unicornsarelovely Wed 12-Oct-16 14:04:53

You can't say that DD will have to go too.

You either say to your friend that you can't make it because you can't leave your DD or you fly your mum over to the wedding with you and she looks after your DD while you are actually at the wedding and then you have a few days together with your mum and DD around the wedding.

FarelyKnuts Wed 12-Oct-16 14:04:57

Surely you decline in that case?

Therealloislane Wed 12-Oct-16 14:05:25


There's always one.

It says no babies.

So don't take your baby.

Or don't make your friend feel guilty for requesting no babies attend.

You did your wedding your way, let her do hers her way.

Figgygal Wed 12-Oct-16 14:05:34

Just say no their wedding their choice since she such a good friend she knows your child exists she's chosen not to include her on the invite she's not invited.

expatinscotland Wed 12-Oct-16 14:05:56

I would just decline. Why on Earth is it 4 nights, though?

ShowMeTheElf Wed 12-Oct-16 14:05:56

If it's not far don't go for 4 days and 4 nights, or take your Mum and baby with you: spend nights with them and days with your friend.

FireplacePick Wed 12-Oct-16 14:06:06

December... Because that's what's booked... There is no way I would be able to do it without staying at least one night anyway.

I'm just really surprised! When she was first born she was all with me about not leaving her.

QueenofallIsee Wed 12-Oct-16 14:06:29

You will have to send your apologies - she wants a child free wedding AND a wedding that requires air travel, if she is a reasonable person she will have to have allowed for the fact that people might be unable/unwilling to leave children for days at a time.

Just FYI, all mine are older but 4 days on the bounce would probably be too much for me to be away except for unavoidable work things! I would not expect DP or family to have a small child for that long.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Wed 12-Oct-16 14:06:49

Why can your dh not have her for some of the time?

andintothefire Wed 12-Oct-16 14:06:55

Can't you take your DD with you and just arrange a babysitter locally for the few hours you are at the actual wedding?

Shakeynf Wed 12-Oct-16 14:07:01

Your reply/rsvp to the bride is sadly I can't attend.
Do not ask can you bring your child - it is on the invite for a reason. I'd say there are more people with small children and that is why it is on the invite to stop people wondering and asking if they can be the exception.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Wed 12-Oct-16 14:07:14

Sorry, just reread op.

Foslady Wed 12-Oct-16 14:07:18

It's an invite - you don't have to go. You've been told no babies/children so you and you only - suck it up. If she really wants you then she'll get back to you when you refuse.

PatrolPaw Wed 12-Oct-16 14:07:35

Are you in the wedding?

2cats2many Wed 12-Oct-16 14:07:47

I don't blame you for feeling that way. It would be different if it was overnight for one night, but 4 days and nights is a lot.

Just call her and explain why you are declining. Tell her that you'd love to be there and you absolutely aren't asking her to change her mind about the no babies rule, but that since your DH is away at the same time, you unfortunately won't be able to come. Send a gift and card through the post.

Mouikey Wed 12-Oct-16 14:08:37

I agree with others about not going as there are obviously others who have children and will have to leave them.

Could your Mum not go with you and share accommodation, look after your little one whilst you're at the wedding and use the rest of the time as a mini holiday with them? You would have paid for your DP if he was not away so no significant extra outlay (as long, of course, if your Mum is happy to go with you!)

JustCallMeKate Wed 12-Oct-16 14:08:53


1. Don't go
2. Leave your child with your mother/another carer and go.

What is it with posters on here who question if they can take their children to CHILD FREE weddings? If an invitation states no children it means No children those words aren't difficult to understand are they? FFS why would anyone say to a bride "I bring my child or don't come" when they've had an invitation stating NO CHILDREN. Christ on a bike angry

FireplacePick Wed 12-Oct-16 14:09:01

The thing is, she wanted me as bridesmaid and I said I couldn't and I was sorry because there would be no one there in the day to look after DD, she then went oh yeah, of course! Like it was obvious she would be able to come in the day...

Jinglebellsandv0dka Wed 12-Oct-16 14:10:02

Can you not go with your mum and ask your mum to baby while your at wedding ?

If not, don't go and don't make her feel guilty either. No every one is wrapped up in children....

FireplacePick Wed 12-Oct-16 14:10:05

There's no need for some of you to be harsh about it. You don't know the previous conversations we have had.

NerrSnerr Wed 12-Oct-16 14:10:23

Do not try and guilt her into invite her by asking, if you don't want to leave her then decline. In this situation I probably would have declined unless it was an extremely close friend, then I would have brought my daughter to the hotel and got a babysitter.

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