Naughty spot? Best way to use it?

(42 Posts)
cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:10:38

We have started to use the naughty spot idea for our son who is 2 and it seems to be doing the trick. I did wonder this morning am I using it correctly or too much?

If he does something we have asked him not to do, say tip his beaker up, he gets told he is going on the naughty spot because we have told him not to tip his beaker up and he can stay there for a few minutes. Same with anything else he does that we have asked him not to do, throw, hit, kick etc. If he does an immediate action, as above, he gets put onto the naughty spot with an explanation.

If he is doing something which is constant/continuous, say refusing to brush his teeth, climbing to stand in his high chair, whining/crying for no apparent reason etc, e gets told that he needs to stop X behaviour (and why if applicable) and if not, he will be put on the naughty spot. If he continues after this warning he is put on the naughty spot.

He stays there for around a minute and we go in, explain again why he was placed there and ask for a hug.

The warnings seem to work most of the time and when he is put on the spot, it definitely does work in snapping him out of whatever behaviour he was doing.

This morning he refused on 4 occassions to brush his teeth when asked. he was warned each time he would be placed on the naughty spot and didnt brush his teeth so was on there 4 times in the space of around 10 minutes.

Am I using it in the best way?

cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:12:48

PS. When he is asked for a hug after he has been in the naughty spot, I immediately change the tone to being fun saying something like "C'mon, lets go play/watch ...."

MyPeriodFeatures Wed 12-Oct-16 12:16:13

I call ours 'the thinking step'

It's more to have a stop than apiniahment. I usually say briefly exactly what I want her to think about then when it's done we move onto domething positive. A helping mummy task is good because she feels grown up and we reconnect

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 12:16:23

I do it the "supernanny way"

They get one warning to stop the behaviour. If not, I take them by the hand and sit them on the spot.

Get down to their level and tell them why they are in the spot. Then it's a minute per year of their age. So 2 mins for 2 year old

If they move, I take them by the hand, no words, no eye contact and sit them down again and restart the time.

Once time is up, I get down to their level again and repeat why they was there. They say sorry, we have a cuddle and kiss and then it's forgotten about. Time out and bad behaviour done.

We rarely use time out spot now. Dd has completely changed her behaviour

Supernan5 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:16:34

I would recommend a warning first so he has time to change his behaviour. " stop doing that. If you do it again you will sit on the naughty spot". Then when he's had his time out make sure you point out it's his behaviour that's naughty and not him. " that was a naughty thing to do" rather than "you're a naughty boy". 😁

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 12-Oct-16 12:17:03

It sounds like you are using it too much.

I also don't like the term 'naughty spot', you are just labelling them as naughty and they will catch on to this. I never used this method.

If he is climbing and you ask him to get down and he doesn't, take him down with a firm "I asked you to stop climbing", if he doesn't do his teeth, you say " you do your teeth nicely or I will do it" and don't be overly nice (obviously not ram it down their throat but I was more vigorous than DD) or use the tactic we used last night. DS (8) is crap at doing his teeth properly. I've been telling him they will rot, he still makes a half arsed attempt. I showed him what will happen to his teeth if he doesn't look after them. He didn't like it at all (they were extreme but I'm fed up of it). He doesn't want me to show him again. If he is tipping his cup up or anything like that, take it away.

Sticking him on the naughty spot for every minor thing will fast make it lose its effectiveness. Use a time out space for hitting etc.

CupofTeaTime Wed 12-Oct-16 12:17:15

If it's working for you that's great, however from your description i would say you are overusing it. I use the 'naughty step' for my son who is 4 when he does something like hitting or kicking but I've never used it for whining or what I would call minor things. I suppose you run the risk of overusing it for minor things so when he does something you deem very naughty it's not going to have the same affect.

Supernan5 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:17:28

Sorry Soubriquet. Crossed post. 😂

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 12-Oct-16 12:18:43

* you may not want to use our tactic on a 2 year old btw. grin

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 12:21:17

I do agree you're using it too much though

You shouldn't punish for whinging and crying. Even if it's for no reason.

Just ignore it and he will stop eventually.

Brushing teeth is non negotiable and if you have to pin him down to do it, so be it.

We use the naughty step if she's done something like hitting, or doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing.

Like hitting her brother, hitting the cat and hitting me

cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:24:00

Thabnks all.

I use it in the way Soubriquet has explained it. We do give warnings.

I did wonder are we using it too much. Is it ok to warn for things and not follow through if the behaviour (like whinging) stops?

So just use it for kicking etc?

HarryPottersMagicWand My husband brushed them instead. And boy, he didnt like that!

vimtoqueen1 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:24:09

Given his age and the amount of times you are having to use it I would say it isn't working.
Through our adoption we were advised to use time in's instead of time outs and naughty steps.
it might not be for you and its bloody hard work with my two year daughter who is very "spirited"
www.positiveparentingconnection.net/time-out-vs-time-in-whats-the-difference/

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 12:24:57

If they stop after warning, no need to punish. The behaviour has changed

cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:28:45

Thank you all. I must say, it has worked well so far but this morning it struck me we might use it too much.

vimto Thats a very interesting concept. My son is just starting to get his words together so couldnt express to me how/why he feels that way but I can most certainly explain to him about it.

splendide Wed 12-Oct-16 12:31:57

I wouldn't punish crying for no reason - he feels sad, he feels sad. Why is that naughty?

cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:33:26

splendide I suppose its not for no reason but just whingy and whiney, we've tried all we can and yet he carries on. I can see why this could be the wrong approach though

cjt110 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:33:33

splendide I suppose its not for no reason but just whingy and whiney, we've tried all we can and yet he carries on. I can see why this could be the wrong approach though

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 12:36:13

Remember at 2 he is still very young

We didn't start naughty step until 3 with dd so she could understand where she was going wrong and learn from her behaviour

splendide Wed 12-Oct-16 12:36:56

I totally get why it's annoying - my DS does it too - but I just think it's probably not fair to say that it's naughty to feel a certain way. Not saying it's easy though!

HeCantBeSerious Wed 12-Oct-16 12:48:31

Makes no difference what you call it, it does the same thing. It may modify behaviour, but read up on what it actually teaches kids.

HeCantBeSerious Wed 12-Oct-16 12:49:29

Yes yes Vimeo

HeCantBeSerious Wed 12-Oct-16 12:49:51

*vimto

HeCantBeSerious Wed 12-Oct-16 12:50:42

And definitely don't start punishing him for feelings!

HeCantBeSerious Wed 12-Oct-16 12:53:56

(I find it really disturbing, actually. Like parents that spank their children then ask them to give them a hug/thank them/say they only did it because they love them.

Rewarding the positive is far more effective than exclusion and punishment. Especially with such a young, barely verbal child.)

corythatwas Wed 12-Oct-16 12:58:05

At 2 he won't really be able to understand when he is being whiney and whingey and when he is genuinely and reasonably upset even adults struggle with this from time to time . You can start teaching him to tell the difference, but it hardly seems fair to punish him for a distinction he is unable to make.

I agree with pp that if you are going to use a thinking spot, it is best not to overuse it. For us, it worked best as a last resort. And that really goes for any punishment ime.

With a 2yo it should be possible to distract and work around them at least some of the time. If he stands up in his high-chair, could you just gently and firmly sit him down and then start talking about something else to distract him? For brushing his teeth, could you hold him and distract him? That way, the "spot" would be reserved for really serious or completely out of control behaviour. At the moment, you may be sending the message that all behaviour which gets on your nerves is equally serious.

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