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To want to call my nephew and tear him a new one?

(193 Posts)
Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:25:02

Okay, a bit of background to illustrate why I'm so angry.

My younger sister was married with 2 DC, until her husband left her for OW.
He was also spending the mortgage money on OW which resulted in my sister and her children almost becoming homeless.

Fast forward a few years, and my sister now has the mortgage under control, having worked every hour she could to support her children, who have never gone without anything.

Had a phonecall this evening as apparently she can't pay her bills as there is no money in her account. Further investigation has shown that her 17 year old son has taken the money without permission. She is totally devastated and feels utterly betrayed. He's away at the moment but will be back tomorrow.

Our mother was in tears about this too, as we all thought that he was a decent kid. We really don't know how to proceed. Does my sister involve the police or punish him in some other way?

It's such a difficult one sad

jammyjay Tue 11-Oct-16 22:32:46

I too would be devastated. He definitely needs to be dealt with but I would hold off on calling the police until he's back and your sister can talk to him. There might be a reason he's done this - although it'd have to be a bloody good one, hear his side before you rip him a new one deal with him.
I hope it all goes well flowers

Dontpanicpyke Tue 11-Oct-16 22:34:18

How did he take money out of her account?

northernmonkey1010 Tue 11-Oct-16 22:34:29

Call the police fuck the thieving twat you don't steal from your own mother!

Huppopapa Tue 11-Oct-16 22:37:45

He'd be prosecuted as a juvenile. Next to no penalty, career fukt.
What he has done is betray his mother in the most painful way. He needs to pay it back and to be left in no doubt of what a louse he has been. I think you should (if poss) turn up unexpectedly and tell him exactly what he needs to hear, including perhaps the threat of getting the law on im (albeit I wouldn't bother). He has a whole lot of paying back to do to his mother and not just the money.

Peanutandphoenix Tue 11-Oct-16 22:38:33

Call the police the thieving little shit bag needs to be dealt with and maybe a visit from the boys in blue will make him think twice about doing it again.

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:39:23

Dontpanic it looks like he's used her card online and has been destroying her bank statements. She thinks he may have also used her card to take cash out when she's been at work. He had the PIN number as she's trusted him to take money out before.

Dontpanicpyke Tue 11-Oct-16 22:39:43

Don't be silly northern no one would call the police without actually talking to their child first and fuck the theiving twat nice. hmm

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:42:46

What we've suggested is that to recoup some of the money immediately, she should take his games consoles and all of his games, and sell them at Cex. I had a look online and there's one not too far from them.

Dontpanicpyke Tue 11-Oct-16 22:43:47

Ok of course it's serious but she needs to hear what's gone on.

Gambling maybe? Who knows. If he's used her card and she's told him the details (and my kids know mine no fault there) there's no redress from the bank.

Horrible situation. Does she know where he is? Do you think he's gone away as he knows he's found out?

Dontpanicpyke Tue 11-Oct-16 22:45:52

Yes to selling the games but my worry would be where has he gone? He's still only 17.

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:47:27

Peanut and northern my immediate reaction was to scare then crap out of him with the police, but we've decided to give him a chance to explain himself first.

Also, our other sister is going to be there when he gets back tomorrow, and she's way scarier than any member of the police force wink

She was fit to be tied when she found out.

Optimist3 Tue 11-Oct-16 22:47:27

She needs to recoup all the cash by selling his items immediately. He needs to owe her the rest.

Yes and do tear a strip of him.

contact the pastoral care at his school. Explain the situation and ask them to talk things through with him and how a criminal record would ruin his career.

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:50:20

Dontpanic He's gone on a trip to Spain to stay with family.

A trip that she paid for hmm

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Tue 11-Oct-16 22:52:22

So how long has this been going on for? It's not just one instance of taking money? How often does she check her bank balance and when did she realise - after he went away?
I'm just asking (not victim blaming before anyone starts!) to get a clear picture - did he take the money for this trip away or has it been a longer term thing?
I check my statement on my banking app on my phone at least a couple of times a week but that's because I get paid by clients at different times, so I can understand someone maybe not checking for a month until the next paper statement arrives. Esp if it's a savings account rather than a current account.
I hope you can be there for her - are you close? Geographically I mean, to be able to help her talk to him. I can understand the anger, what a horrible betrayal. Obv need to find out why- is he paying off drugs/debt/other problems (and couldn't think of another way out of situation, is he being threatened by someone?) or just partying it up/buying crap online (throw the book at him).

rumpelstiltskin43 Tue 11-Oct-16 22:53:25

Will the sale of his things be enough to pay for what he has stolen?

Booboopidoo Tue 11-Oct-16 22:54:08

Have the bank given her details of what sort of transactions he's made online? I'm also wondering about gambling as a pp mentioned so your sis needs to know which companies the payments were made to and whether they indicate an addiction. Consequences need to be severe regardless, definitely yes to selling his consoles and games and any other luxuries he owns to recoup some money but I would want to at least speak to him before considering whether to involve the police.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Tue 11-Oct-16 22:54:49

X post with OP about the trip to Spain - sorry didn't see that detail as I was typing my post - at least he's not run away.

2kids2dogsnosense Tue 11-Oct-16 22:55:09

Your poor sister!

I can only imagine how distraught she must feel thatches child, for whom she has worked so hard and sacrificed so much, has betrayed her so horribly.

Did he expect that she would never find out? Or did he not care?

ohtheholidays Tue 11-Oct-16 22:56:03

I agree with you she should sell what ever she can of his!

Does he have a job at all OP?If he does she wants to take as much of his wages as she can each time he gets paid untill he's paid her back and if I was her I'd tell him she was getting the Police involved even if she doesn't let the little git sweat for a while!

Your poor Sister it sounds like she's gone through so much and through no fault of her own,I hope her son feels disgusted with himself and never try's to pull a stunt like this again flowers

Scarydinosaurs Tue 11-Oct-16 22:56:13

Would the police care if she handed over PIN?

northernmonkey1010 Tue 11-Oct-16 22:56:24

Is this a vast amount that could affect your sister paying her mortgage?

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 11-Oct-16 22:58:00

Onenerf I live in another part of the country but was due to visit soon. Unfortunately I lost my job so was unable to go.

I'm like you, I regularly check my online account, but my sister hasn't set one up and tends to rely on her paper statements. This has been going on since before the trip. I did wonder if he's into drugs, but it looks more like he's drinking with his friends. My sister buys all his clothes, consoles and games etc, so he doesn't go without.

SarcasmMode Tue 11-Oct-16 22:58:01

He sounds like he's taking after his father.

Sell his consoles and games and no fun trips until he gets a job and pays her back.

gettingtherequickly Tue 11-Oct-16 22:58:23

You should never hand over your pin, I doubt the bank would reimburse in this situation.

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