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aibu to be pissed off with (former) BFF

(9 Posts)
Morporkia Tue 11-Oct-16 15:37:19

so this year has been a bit of a mare..started off with my DD needing major surgery, swiftly followed by the whole household coming down with flu, then my DH's chronic condition flaring up badly, resulting in a life-changing side effect :'( throughout all of this, I was emotionally supporting my BFF who was going through some kind of weird mid-life crisis. 3 times since january she has announced her intention to up-sticks and move somewhere random, i helped her research areas and find suitable accommodation, even went on a road-trip with her to a random village 4 hours (each way) journey from our home town...only for her to change her mind, wasting a holding deposit that i told her not to pay unless she was 100% (she ignored my advice). then all of a sudden she finds the love of her life and within 3 months...YES 3 MONTHS! has got married and moved to the other side of the country. when i tentatively broached the subject about it being SO FUCKING IMPULSIVE AND WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?? she shut me down completely, saying it was her life and that i didnt want her to be happy for my own selfish reasons.....i didn't want to lose her friendship, so i just kept my mouth shut about the whole thing...nodded and smiled, etc....even though i had all sorts of shit going on at home I arranged and paid for her hen night, leaving do and was matron of honour at her wedding, paying for my own bridesmaid dress etc...i know this sounds petty but i was a bit peeved that she didn't get her new husband to thank me when he made his speech.... anyway, since she left i have received 1 text message (to thank me for the welcome to your new home apckage i sent her) and 1 message on fb to tell me how happy her and the new husband are...no mention of the kids...she didn't even send my DD a card for a milestone birthday. just a happy birthday on her fb wall. i feel really let down and abandoned by her. rant over, go about your day...lol...but really...am i BU? and petty? or am i right to feel used and hurt?

FinnegansCake Tue 11-Oct-16 15:49:31

YANBU, she sounds self-centred, and doesn't give the impression she values your friendship.

You sound like a lovely friend, I understand why you feel used and hurt, I would too in your shoes.

Don't be in a hurry to be lovely and sympathetic when the shine wears off her new man and she realises she's cut herself off from everyone!

myownprivateidaho Tue 11-Oct-16 15:52:43

Sounds like she has her own issues tbh. But I think that ditching a longstanding friend for minimal contact during the honeymoon period of a new marriage would be a bit hasty. Just wait and see how it pans out I guess.

FinnegansCake Tue 11-Oct-16 16:09:41

It sounds like an uneven sort of friendship OP, as you talk about all the things you have done for her but don't mention your friend giving you support through what sounds like a difficult time for you.

Lots of people have issues of various kinds/go through a mid-life crisis, but they don't neglect their friends. You certainly didn't neglect your friend, despite having plenty to cope with in your own life.

Maybe it's time to put this friendship on the backburner for a while. Your friend is busy with her new life right now, it may take her a while to appreciate that there are no friends like old friends!

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 11-Oct-16 16:17:14

NO, you are not the unreasonable one, she is. My Bf sounds similar to yours, she too is very self centred. I'd just be happy, if on one occassion, she could say "How are you doing ?"but No, it's always about her, she never asks me about my kids, work, or, anything to do with my life really. Anyway, I'm in a funny mood at the moment, so I'm leaving her to get on with it all.

She also never remembers to send Birthday cards, you just receive a Facebook post. As petty, as this maybe, I've started doing the same to her, I don't go out of my way to get a card, write it, post it, she can't be arsed, so neither can I.Her excuse is, she's been working, Umh, Birthdays are yearly, you do receive some notice of the date, you just can't be arsed to get your act together because it's not important, in their eyes.

Morporkia Tue 11-Oct-16 16:21:53

no, she wasn't very supportive or sympathetic when it came to my family, but if i rang her to say i had a migraine/toothache/was ill, she would bring me painkillers and sometimes soup or cake!...it was as if i was her friend, so she would only give a shit about me, bollox to the rest of them. i would invite her round but cos she had kids and was on her own, she would always say it was easier for me to go to her house... i know she didn't dislike my DH, and respected his opinion on issues that came up...in fact she was more likely to take his advice over mine a lot of the time....although DH always said he thought she was a bit odd...

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 11-Oct-16 16:32:30

Well, she sounds like she's better than mine at the moment then. At least she shows some care about your well being.Shes probably just that wrapped up in her love bubble at the moment. I'd put money on it, she'll pop up again, probably when it's burst though.

Morporkia Tue 11-Oct-16 16:35:25

well she'll have a long way to pop...she has moved over 400 miles away and has no income of her own....

tofutti Tue 11-Oct-16 16:37:46

duck her

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