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Ghosting and benching

(16 Posts)
Jaspall Tue 11-Oct-16 12:46:45

Does anyone else find it bloody annoying when you text a friend to ask if they want to meet up and they don't reply? It doesnt take a second and I find it rude that you're left to assume you've been 'ghosted' or even worse 'benched' Grrr!

TheNaze73 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:51:35

Depends how many times they've done it. As the saying goes "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

DoloresVanCartier Tue 11-Oct-16 12:52:03

I do that a little bit, I have MH issues so sometimes I just can't engage with people at all. Could there be a reason for not replying?

BestZebbie Tue 11-Oct-16 12:54:29

I find it rude that people assume that I will always want to or be able to break off what I am doing to check my phone and send a reply, as if their text is guaranteed to be more important to me than what I have actually arranged to be doing in that moment. :-)

Tokelau Tue 11-Oct-16 12:58:39

I don't have my phone on me at all times, so if I get a text I might not reply until hours later, or even the next day. I do always reply eventually though.

coffeetasteslikeshit Tue 11-Oct-16 13:01:36

I'd check they received it before getting annoyed. Me and a friend regularly don't receive each others texts for some reason.

If they are receiving them then I'd take the hint!

FleurThomas Tue 11-Oct-16 13:02:09

YANBU. My colleagues (who at the time I considered friends) would do this to me a lot when I didn't drive. For instance we'd make plans then I'd text to double-check beforehand & get ignored. It was common to then see statuses on on fb about how they'd all gone together and 'shared the driving' but it was blatantly obvious they'd all brought their own cars.

Later found out that the colleagues didn't really think much of me. They were talking behind my back, spreading rumours about me, and some of the guys in the group didn't think I was 'good looking enough to be seen in public' with. It was awful & my MH definitely improved when I cut the bastards out of my life.

wigglesrock Tue 11-Oct-16 13:02:29

I find it more annoying if a friend took it so personally that I mightn't be able or want to reply to them at the moment they insist on. I don't have my phone on at all times, I don't look at it at all if I'm driving, I don't carry it with me if I'm upstairs in the house for example, I don't hear it beep if I'm shopping, I don't get text reception in some places. All of these examples would occur to me first as to a reason someone mightn't reply to a text. I think it's slightly egotistical to assume it's deliberate.

CupofTeaTime Tue 11-Oct-16 13:02:57

The worst is when they read the message (you get the notification or see on FB messenger that they have read it) and still don't answer! Or like my bil regularly does, texts me first to just chat 'hey how are you etc' so we message back and forth and every single time eventually he will read my last message and just not answer. Conversation over. Drives me nuts

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom Tue 11-Oct-16 13:22:56

I am terrible for this - if I don't reply immediately chances are I will forget about it for ages and then remember in a panic. Or I reply in my head but not IRL. If the message isn't a simple yes or no answer, or just chit chat, and I have to check diary, arrangements with DH etc then that will delay a response too, and make it more likely I will forget to reply.

Sometimes I don't respond because I'm feeling overwhelmed by life and can't face it. 99.9% never the case that I don't like the person who's sent the message.

That said, I don't think YABU to feel miffed that someone hasn't replied. But don't automatically think you've been snubbed.

idontlikealdi Tue 11-Oct-16 13:26:01

What on earth is benching?

I have no desie to be in contact with people 24/7 so reply when I feel like.

Jaspall Tue 11-Oct-16 13:26:37

Thanks for the messages guys. I guess my point is that I don't care If it takes a day or two to reply - just fucking reply!

Jaspall Tue 11-Oct-16 13:28:31


Benching is when you do reply to a friend but keep them 'benched', I.e. Like 'yeah we must meet up' but don't actually make any effort to say when or where.

BreconBeBuggered Tue 11-Oct-16 13:35:18

I reply when it's convenient too. Could be any number of reasons I don't give an instant response: driving, phone still in bag, out of range, dtd, hands deep in flour, asleep, in a meeting, having a smear test, giving blood, to name some recent examples. I probably haven't even seen the message.

I'd never heard of benching before either, but it sounds annoying.

FlyingElbows Tue 11-Oct-16 13:37:38

This is what I hate about mobile phones and social media. People now have 24/7 instant access to each other's lives and some people seem to really struggle with boundaries and it encourages neediness. Just because you send a text does not mean the recipient is sitting doing nothing waiting for the phone to ping! It is fantastically narcissistic (and I hate how that term is used with such throwaway frequency on mn) to expect people to prioritise you just because you think you're important. People have lives. Back off. My phone is on silent all the time, I'll reply, or not, when it's convenient for me to do so.

Jaspall Tue 11-Oct-16 14:02:32

Sorry you're missing my point. Even if they reply with 'sorry I'm too busy' I don't care how long it takes. The fact that they dont reply at all winds me up.

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