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To ask DPs parents to release his funds?

(116 Posts)
melibu84 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:29:42

My partner and I are desperately trying to move, but have had issues with referencing twice, with lettings agents.

On a normal year, our annual income is £45k, more than enough to rent a 2 or 3 bed place in kent.

Currently, I am on maternity leave and my partner is still on probation at his new job. His annual salary is £20k.

The first time we saw a place we liked, the lettings agency said we would need a guarantor because he is on probation OR pay 6 months rent in advance.

My partner has the rent money, but it is being held by his parents. It is part of an inheritance he received. His dad refused to give him the money.

The same thing is happening again with another place that we both love. It's close to a train station, so I can commute to London, close to his family and friends in kent, even includes access to a gym.

We can't stay where we are. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister and it's getting a bit cramped (3 adults, 1 baby, 2 cats!). Plus, my mum will be moving in with my sister. She is undergoing dialysis, and is very ill, and the flat is better for her than where she is currently living, as there are no stairs and there is lift access.

AIBU to tell him and his parents that this is not a one off situation, that if we want to move we will need them to front the 6 months rent? We can pay back into it easily. I'm worried that this will keep happening and it will take ages to move!

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 11-Oct-16 12:34:18

For clarity is this an inheritance from someone who has already died or an inheritance his dad has promised him?
If it's the former, why has his dad got it at all?

acasualobserver Tue 11-Oct-16 12:35:51

What is the nature of this inheritance? He hasn't received it if his father still has it. What reason does the father give for not handing it over?

SheldonsSpot Tue 11-Oct-16 12:36:11

Who is twn inheritance from? How old is your DP? Is the inheritance held in trust?

Whitney168 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:36:24

Perhaps his dad doesn't think that rent is a suitable way to spend an inheritance? I know i wouldn't.

I guess it depends on where the inheritance comes from/why it is his money and if so why his Dad has control over it?

melibu84 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:37:39

It was from his grandmother, who died when he was a kid. It was being held in a trust until recently, and then because we had DS, he asked for it to be released. We were hoping to buy, but my credit rating needs some work, so now we're planning to do it in 2- 3 years. As he is a bit of a spendaholic, he asked his dad to hold onto it for now so he woudn't spend it.

BanjoPier Tue 11-Oct-16 12:37:59

His dad refused to give him the money.

You need to expand on this bit ^^

So his dad said, "no" and your partner hung up the phone without asking why?

What was the reason for "no"? Does he have a history of being a compulsive gambler/pisser of money up against a wall? Is it being held in trust until he is 30? Are they legally allowed to deny access to the money or are the saying no in his "best interests" (as they see them)?

NerrSnerr Tue 11-Oct-16 12:38:31

If it's inherence that has been left to your husband how is it even in their bank account?

Floralnomad Tue 11-Oct-16 12:38:55

If this is an inheritance that was left for him by a GP or such like then of course he should have it , why has his dad even got it , was it supposed to be kept until he reached a certain age ? I'd be a bit concerned that it's already been spent. Why would you need to pay it back ?

BanjoPier Tue 11-Oct-16 12:38:58


Lunar1 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:39:07

Are you sure they still have it?

melibu84 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:41:59

He had a long discussion with his dad about it, and his dad said no because what if you lose your job after the 6 months, when they'll want to do referencing again. At that point, though, I will at least be back at work and will be earning enough to cover all the rent.

Yes, they still have it. His parents are not rich, but very comfortable. They would not spend it.

As I said, he asked his dad to hold it for him so that he wouldn't just spend it.

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 11-Oct-16 12:42:17

So it is his money. I can see his father might think rent is money wasted and want to keep it all for property buying but it isn't actually up to him.
You say you can rebuild the defecit but won't your partner just spend it? Can you put it in an account with a notice period for withdrawal?

DCITennison Tue 11-Oct-16 12:42:27

I think there's something you're not being told here.

redskytonight Tue 11-Oct-16 12:45:35

TBH if our DP has asked his parents to look after the money in case he spends it, I'd be worried that you won't "save" the rent money over the 6 months, and you'll get there and find the money is gone.
Sounds like you and DP both need to make (and agree to) a budget.
Inheritance money aside, can his parents not be your guarantors?

ClopySow Tue 11-Oct-16 12:45:46

All sounds pretty suspect

SheldonsSpot Tue 11-Oct-16 12:46:33

I too think there something you're not being told here.

Have you been involved in any of these conversations with his parents.

You haven't answered - is the money held in trust?

I wouldn't be too keen to hand over 6 months rent to a spendaholic and his partner whose credit rating "needs some work" either tbh.

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 11-Oct-16 12:48:31

Either is has spent it or "borrowed it" and that's why he doesn't want your dh to have it. Your oh needs to go to him and be more assertive, it's his money and he wants it, it should be simple enough, his father is being unreasonable

Floralnomad Tue 11-Oct-16 12:48:32

Very odd , do his parents not like you ? As pp said can't they just be the guarantor instead ?

MatildaTheCat Tue 11-Oct-16 12:49:06

Unless the money is in a trust fund with restrictions such as no access until age 30, which sounds as if this is not the case then FIL is completely wrong. He may feel he is right and protecting dh against a bad decision but the money is legally his and he wishes to use it.

I suggest you visit FIL if that is feasible or otherwise draft an email and state very firmly that you wish for the full amount to be returned and as of now you, as a couple, will control your own finances. Provide your bank details and ask that it is transferred within 48 hours ( or as soon as possible depending on where the money is).

Thank him for his concern and for keeping the money safe but be crystal clear that the money should now be returned in its entirety.

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 11-Oct-16 12:49:20

If the money has been released and he simply asked his dad to hold onto it then it is none of his dads business what it is spent on now, it is your husbands money. If all is exactly as you say he should demand it back.

melibu84 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:50:28

We wouldn't "save" the rent money, we would pay back into it each month as if we're paying the rent. We weren't going to ask for all of it, as we wouldn't need all of it for the 6 months rent. He has about £13k, and the rent is 875 per month.

His parents don't earn enough to be guarantors as they have both been ill. We have told the need to be on 31.5k. (his mum has mental health issues and his father recently went into remission from cancer).

We can't buy because my credit rating is shot, something which I feel bad about every day sad His is near perfect (900-something out of 1000). We will need to rent for at least a couple of years.

user1476140278 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:50:41

I suspect they're keeping it to ensure he's got enough for a deposit.....and perhaps he knows this too. If you can't get a rent deposit together, the local authority will help you to get a private rental. But with your income, you should be able to save 6 months rent quite quickly.

BaronessEllaSaturday Tue 11-Oct-16 12:51:13

Did he ask his dad to hold onto it until you were in a position to buy so you could use it as a deposit?

elodie2000 Tue 11-Oct-16 12:52:01

So the money will stay in DPs parent's account until when? What is it for if not to spend & help builds comfortable life? Do they want it to be spent on a deposit for a house rather than a landlord?
I can understand them objecting to him using savings not income for rent. But...If your DH pays the monthly rent (out of his income) back into this savings account, at the end of the 6 months, he will not have actually spent any money from this inheritance.

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