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So fed up..

(18 Posts)
Hatade16 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:12:44

I'm a mum to three. Youngest is 11 weeks, oldest is 8. Dp works long shifts, sometimes 12 hours + 2 hours traveling.
He's the better cook, and knows what he likes. So he does most of the cooking unless he's not here in the evening. He also does the online food shopping.

I look after the children, do all night feeds and 95% of feeds/nappies. I do the cleaning, but he somehow thinks he does most of it 🙄 As he washes up.

I do the hoovering,polishing,clothes etc.

I do go out to two baby groups every week.

He's making out I don't do anything and I'm just going out socialising all the time 😒🙄

It's really starting to get me down. I had extremely bad postnantal depression with my first two which meant I didn't enjoy them or have any memories. I never left my bed!

so I'm trying to enjoy dd. But I'm sick of being made to feel lazy! I'm so exhausted, yes my dcs bedroom is abit messy. And yes there is sometimes a pair of jeans on the bathroom floor. But does this really mean I don't do much? 😪 I'm sick of him throwing it in my face that he works and pays the bills while I stay at home 😪

SheldonCRules Mon 10-Oct-16 21:20:26

TBH if I was the only worker so shouldering the entire financial responsibility, did the cooking, shopping and washing up yet came hone to a messy house I'd feel cross as well.

Hovering and night feeds isn't much if you are honest.

Hatade16 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:22:26

Who said my house was messy? It isn't.

Topseyt Mon 10-Oct-16 21:23:00

It doesn't mean at all that you do nothing.

It does mean that he is clueless about how much work is actually involved in looking after babies and very young children.

Added to that, you also had PND.

Does he ever look after the children to give you some time out?

Hatade16 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:24:55

No iv never been away more than 5 mins from my youngest since she was born. I can't even have a relaxing shower/bath because she's so clingy sad

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife Mon 10-Oct-16 21:26:02

Wtf Sheldon? The OPs youngest is 11 Weeks Old!!

OP does he ever look after them all on his own? Might be worth a try to help him understand

Topseyt Mon 10-Oct-16 21:27:55

Sheldon, she said the kids' rooms were messy, not the rest of the house. She does all other housework etc. Read the post.

Mine are teenagers and their rooms are bombarded.. I just shut the doors.

RandomMess Mon 10-Oct-16 21:28:06

He is being unreasonable, the early days with 3 DC when one is a clingy young baby are very very time consuming.

The laundry alone takes hours if you add it all up. Not to mention the brain fog of broken sleep.


PurplePidjin Mon 10-Oct-16 21:28:26

Has he ever had to do all of it at once, like you do, or do you always have at least one child with you? It sounds like he has a warped view of how things are split. Can you write down every single task you do in one day to show him, with timings etc? Or leave him one weekend day with all 3 kids plus a pike of laundry to deal with? (I couldn't have left my kids at 11 weeks for more than an hour so that might not be practical)

Hatade16 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:31:04

It's the main thing that's causes arguements in the house ATM. I get that he works hard but he doesn't seem to realise how exhausting it is. Dd2 never leaves my side. Even if I sit down for 10 mins she wants to be hold/talked too etc she won't just entertain herself yet lol

PinkyOfPie Mon 10-Oct-16 21:32:30

You're not doing nothing, you're raising the children. You've done it through serious depression and have a tiny baby to look after, don't beat yourself up.

Sometimes I think men just don't get it. They think we stay at home on maternity leave and watch crappy TV all day. After DD I went back to work at 9 months and to save on childcare DH looked after her a full day a week. It wasn't until he was having her alone for full days that he started to say "God I didn't realise how exhausting this is I didn't realise you did so much" 🙄 It seemed all he needed was a day or two in my shoes!

As good it is of him to do cooking and shopping, he needs to remember you had PND and be a lot more sensitive towards you at this stage. And he also has hands and can pick a pair of jeans up

Phoenix76 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:33:25

YADNBU!! I think you're amazing. I'm mum to two DDs, one is 3 & the other 7 months. I'm currently on mat leave and never worked so bloody hard in my life. You should be proud of everything you do & us mums should be giving each other hugs & encouragement.OP you're a star xxx

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Mon 10-Oct-16 21:36:12

He is being entirely unreasonable. Your youngest is only 11 weeks old, I think he should be doing more to help and support you.
I don't really know what to suggest in terms of getting him to see things from your perspective, hopefully someone will be along with advise soon. flowers and cake for you Op.

Topseyt Mon 10-Oct-16 21:38:12

I think he needs a little more first hand experience of caring for the children.

Doesn't sound like he will readily accept that challenge though, as it would turn his assertion that you do nothing all day on its head.

ThinkPinkStink Mon 10-Oct-16 21:41:02

I've been waiting to use this...

UpLighter Mon 10-Oct-16 21:48:12

Ha that's well funny! smile

EllsTeeth Mon 10-Oct-16 22:39:13

That's hilarious ThinkPink grin Although in this house apparently we're not rich because I don't earn as much as him (in my part time job) and the house isn't clean/ tidy enough because I don't do enough on my "days off" (with 2 small children). So it's ALL my fault!! It's the same the world over OP, women (usually it is women) are under appreciated and men (yes it is usually men) don't understand just how much work it is to look after a house and children. I was sick a couple of weekends ago and, to prove a point, my husband cooked a full roast dinner and cleaned the house while looking after our 2 small boys. He was fit to drop at the end of the (one) day but he said "I don't know what the fuss is about its EASY". Grrrrrrrrrr.....!!

RainbowBriteRules Mon 10-Oct-16 22:44:00

YANBU. I only have two DC but can imagine that three including a young baby is extremely hard work. He is being massively unreasonable flowers.

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