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DC passed grammar test how about a well done?

(149 Posts)
monkeytree Mon 10-Oct-16 16:46:44

It really seems that we live in a culture where it is not the done thing to congratulate or praise those who do well.

My dd has passed for grammar school despite only be considered average at school, no heavy, intense tutoring just support from me and her dad yet she has gone on to pass the grammar test with flying colours. Some of the children considered to be top performers did not pass. I know it is hard on the child if they don't pass but other than my two closest friends there has not been a well done uttered by another parent. Dd has been scolded by another parent about talking about it and neither her teacher or headmaster have offered words of congratulation to her. Another girl in dd's class (obviously this had come from the parent) had said dd only passed because she got extra marks being the youngest in the class. Why can't people be civil and at least say well done? Feel annoyed with school because they have left dd in the middle sets and not helped her to progress. I know it doesn't really matter to anyone else that my dd has worked hard and gained a place at grammar but we don't seem to live in a culture which celebrates anyone else's success. Obviously, I've spoilt my dd rotten for doing so well and I am so proud of her as she is proud of herself and that's the main thing.

user1471517900 Mon 10-Oct-16 16:50:43

Well done to her. Always impressive to know about full stops and paragraphs.

Hamsolo Mon 10-Oct-16 16:52:15

Well done to your dd. The problem is, I guess, that there may have been some very upset children today, (possibly some very upset parents!) so maybe the teachers wanted to keep a lid on it in class? All that matters really is that you've let her know you're proud of her.

HereIAm20 Mon 10-Oct-16 16:52:49

Well done to Monkeytree's daughter.

Ignore the jealous ones. Some computerised scores are tested according to their actual age but if she is 11 months younger and her reading age is a year above what it should be so be it. It doesn't mean she got extra just that their kid might not be ahead of their age.

Worry not about what her current school are doing for her. Focus on the good things to come for her at her next school and I hope she flies high! If you are worried that the school might not have her up to scratch for when she starts just get a couple of workbooks from WH Smith for her KS (assume KS2 or early KS3) so that she can approach her next school with confidence.

Good for her (and for you too - you allowed to be a proud mum!)

HereIAm20 Mon 10-Oct-16 16:54:07

oops - missed a word - you ARE allowed to be a proud Mum

BertrandRussell Mon 10-Oct-16 16:54:29

"It really seems that we live in a culture where it is not the done thing to congratulate or praise those who do well."

It may not be that- it's just that there will be others in the class upset because they didn''t pass.

BertrandRussell Mon 10-Oct-16 16:56:09

And I have been in classes where there has been some pretty nasty behaviour in both directions..... most schools try to keep 11+ day as low key as possible.

VladmirsPoutine Mon 10-Oct-16 16:57:46

Isn't it also a bit of an English thing? I recall never being highly praised for my achievements - it was as though of course that was expected of me iyswim? That said, nothing wrong with a 'well done' the trick is to keep it all in balance. I recall my SIL once going OTT because my nephew had put the milk back in the fridge.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Mon 10-Oct-16 17:00:19

If being the youngest in the class gave an unfair advantage then grammar school classes would be absolutely packed with kids with July and August birthdays and you would think someone would have noticed by now!
Congratulations to your dd.

MarianneSolong Mon 10-Oct-16 17:00:30

My daughter passed - it was years ago. I remember writing a letter of complaint to the school, because one of the teachers had addressed the whole class praising the children who had got grammar school places.

I thought this was a rubbish thing to do.
- Many of the class hadn't wanted to apply.
- Some kids had applied but not got in.
- Some kids had got in because they'd parents had paid for years of tutoring, so it was as much a reflection on the tutoring as the kids

Most important it wasn't really anything to do with the school.. It was a distraction from the general business of Year 6.

I got a letter back from the Head, acknowledging that they were proud of all the children''s achievements. And there was a lovely end of year assembly celebrating their life at the school and looking at all the different schools they were going onto. (I'm in a big city, so the children scattered rather.)

RaggyDoll1 Mon 10-Oct-16 17:01:12

well done!

sandyholme Mon 10-Oct-16 17:01:49

Well done your DD ....

LyndaNotLinda Mon 10-Oct-16 17:01:56

If your friends said well done, isn't that enough?

That's great for your DD but I think you're extrapolating rather a lot in terms of general celebration of success.

How does everyone else know who passed and who didn't?

acasualobserver Mon 10-Oct-16 17:20:10

Just enjoy your daughter's success. So many people seem to want find something to feel pissed off about.

BertrandRussell Mon 10-Oct-16 17:30:56

"How does everyone else know who passed and who didn't?"

Don't understand.......

fishonabicycle Mon 10-Oct-16 17:35:12

They kept it fairly low key at my son's school too - I think it is to not rub it in too much to those who have failed. There were a few who were in tears about it and I know my boy would have been upset in the same circumstances.

noblegiraffe Mon 10-Oct-16 17:40:35

If it's not anything she has worked towards then a well done might feel like simply a well done for being clever, a bit like well done for having nice hair or something. I can see why it might feel a bit weird to make a big thing of it, especially if other kids are upset about not passing.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Mon 10-Oct-16 17:48:20

Sounds like the teachers are trying to be tactful to those who are gutted they failed. Surely it's enough for your dd she passed and has you spoiling her rotten and your closest friends saying well done. Why does she need lots of people congratulating her? I passed back in the 80s and my parents were pleased and so was I and that was it. Didn't occur to me to think my teachers and other parents should congratulate me.

2StripedSocks Mon 10-Oct-16 17:55:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dixiechickonhols Mon 10-Oct-16 17:57:50

Well done to your dc. Luckily Not my experience at all today. Congratulations from parents on yard. Headteacher gave them a card. Congratulations from teachers. Some of the children brought chocolates in for class to share.

R2G Mon 10-Oct-16 17:58:05

I don't get why you want all the other parents to day well done.
Likewise, the mum saying about your DD being young should mind her own.
Well done to her but I think you and close friends is enough - it should be limited as a discussion at school I think. It's not nice for others who did not pass or were not capable of sitting.
I thought this thread was going to be about close family not saying congrats.

OddBoots Mon 10-Oct-16 17:59:38

It is always a but odd when talking about secondary school even if there isn't an exam involved, everyone seems quite sensitive about where their child is going so I imagine the 11+ makes that even more sensitive.

Well done to your dd on passing.

latedecember1963 Mon 10-Oct-16 17:59:54

Well done to her and to you for giving her a supportive learning environment. Unfortunately some people don't like it when others succeed, especially if they perceive their family members are more superior. My ds2 was never part of the in-crowd at primary school but kept his head down and tried hard. I've endured several patronising comments over the years. When he got a string of As at GCSE we were openly blanked at the certificate presentation by the same parents who had been happy to sneer about him previously. Hopefully things will settle down at hour dd's school, she'll enjoy a fab year knowing she has exciting times ahead next September. Yes it's hard when you or yours don't get what they might deserve, but don't let jealously on the part of others spoil your's and your dd's sense of achievement.

myownprivateidaho Mon 10-Oct-16 18:01:47

I don't really see why other kids' parents would be complimenting your kids. Isn't it a bit off to talk about each others' marks in general? I did well in school but can't remember anyone's parent congratulating me! It's not a thing.

mycatstares Mon 10-Oct-16 18:05:38

Congratulations to your ddstar.

^ I recall my SIL once going OTT because my nephew had put the milk back in the fridge ^.

That made me chuckle Poutinegrin

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