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To want to 'settle down'

(8 Posts)
Oatsinajar Mon 10-Oct-16 14:38:33

DH and I are married and have young children. Our DS is to start primary school next year too.

We have been moving across the country since we have been together, mainly due to DH's work. I am really tired of moving around, and just want to settle down. We've currently been offered an excellent package to move abroad but I feel like saying no (it'd be for 4-5 years). DH doesn't fully understand why I feel so strongly about settling down. I just want a house, a car, and be part of a nice community, make friends and the children can make life long friends too. AIBU to want to 'settle down'? Am I being boring? And why does settling down bother me so much?

myownprivateidaho Mon 10-Oct-16 14:41:03

Sounds like the moving is exciting for him as he has career challenges, but as a SAHP you're doing the same household duties wherever you are, but in a place where you don't know anyone and don't have a comfortable living situation.

BestZebbie Mon 10-Oct-16 14:44:53

5 years is a long time, could you settle there and both be satisfied?

Oatsinajar Mon 10-Oct-16 14:50:35

Best, no we can't settle there as we want to move back to England.

Myown, you have summarised it well.

CeciliaMiddleton Mon 10-Oct-16 14:53:13

Perfectly reasonable. Your happiness is just as important as his happiness. I hope you can find something that works for you both.

myownprivateidaho Mon 10-Oct-16 14:57:00

Well, in that case I think that you should put your foot down. No, you're not being boring, there's nothing boring about wanting to be part of a community where you know people and can do other things! And he can find challenges in his work in England, I'm sure. I guess the only caveat is that if you think you might just be nervous about the move but actually once you're there find it personally enriching. Five years is enough time to integrate into a community and meet people etc. But you shouldn't feel pressure or like you're being boring for saying no. As Cecilia says, your happiness is as important as his.

SolomanDaisy Mon 10-Oct-16 15:25:21

I think you're at a stage where its natural to want to settle down. Kids starting school is the time for that because they get more settled with friends and you all become part of the school community. We're living abroad and now DS has started school it is harder to imagine going back to the UK because I can see how disruptive it will be for him and we are becoming part of the community here. I don't think you'd be unreasonable to say no to going abroad. Where would you be? Would there be a language barrier too?

zoebarnes Mon 10-Oct-16 16:33:25

Did you move around a lot as a kid op? I did. And whilst it was exciting at times, and has given me a variety of life experience, it made me very certain that I want my kids to have roots in one place.

It's not that I wouldn't consider moving if it was necessary for career etc, just that I really wanted to be part of a local community and my children to feel like they 'come from' somewhere.

How you feel is entirely valid, and so is your dh's position. However the joy of marriage and family is that one of you is going to have to compromise. I'd sit down and talk it through to see who is going to do the compromising (although I'd make sure the kids wellbeing and happiness is at the forefront of the conversation).

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