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Night out

(11 Posts)
IWokeUpLikeThisHonest Sun 09-Oct-16 21:08:04

Not sure whether I should have been posting this in relationships. DH and I have been difficulties due to him having depression.
I am trying to be sympathetic, but god it's hard. 😔 Anyway we are fortunate that my parents can have our DC every week for one night. They pick them up, they stay and they bring them back. However, DH works shifts and is not often available for these evenings. This is leaving me feeling lonely and despite several conversations about how important this is to me DH is making no effort to prioritise this at all. I really feel it would help us get on better if we just had this dedicated time together. I feel like he makes lots of excuses but does next to nothing resolve it. I have made lots of suggestions about how we could resolve this including asking my parents to swap days etc. He is making me feel like this is all a major inconvenience AIBU to be upset?

SummerSazz Sun 09-Oct-16 21:12:26

If he's working, go out with friends. If he's not on shift go out with him. His shift patterns may change......

blueturtle6 Sun 09-Oct-16 21:12:27

Yanbu, but perhaps he wants to spend time off with the kids? Or if depressed doesn't want to be bothered to go out.
If problem one plan a family movie night. If problem two plan a dinner date at home? Eg get dressed up, nice dinner and candles?

SummerSazz Sun 09-Oct-16 21:13:21

And yanbu to be upset (assuming he has some control over his shifts). Actions speak louder than words Imo hence advice above.

IWokeUpLikeThisHonest Sun 09-Oct-16 21:22:54

I just feel like it's always up to me to organise nights out or nights in. Often on these nights off we don't go out but it's a chance to spend time off being with each other, time for intimacy etc. He could ask at work to show willing, he only recently told me that the particular evening is problematic at work. He says it's not possible to have two set nights a week, he picks up DD the other afternoon. His shifts change all the time and my whole social life with others revolves round what his shifts are. I feel desperate to have some freedom to spend social time with adults without it always being so difficult.

HeddaGarbled Sun 09-Oct-16 21:43:33

I too would suggest using your free evening to see friends. You need some time off from all this to enjoy yourself and, as you say, spend some social time with adults.

IWokeUpLikeThisHonest Mon 10-Oct-16 00:12:47

Following discussing this earlier he has taken him self off to sleep in the spare room without explaining at all. I now can't sleep and just feel so upset 😢 I just wanted to spend time with him. I literally have no idea where I'm going wrong

steff13 Mon 10-Oct-16 01:52:22

I'm not 100% sure I understand.

Your parents take your children one night week, but your husband can't go out with you because of work, is that correct?

If so, I think you're being unreasonable, unless he chooses his shifts.

Ldnmum2015 Mon 10-Oct-16 02:05:37

Could be he finds it awkward to change shifts at work, some places can be persuasive if you know what I mean, but sulking in the spare room is a little over the top, do you think there is something else going on? I agree with others, use this time to catch up with your mates so at least you are refreshed, having a partner suffering from depression can take its toll on any relationship

IWokeUpLikeThisHonest Mon 10-Oct-16 08:13:32

I think for me it's more about the fact that he doesn't feel this is a priority. With outing myself he could make applications to have two evenings off a week but doesn't want to. Even if it got turned down I'd feel like he tried, but it feels like he doesn't even care about spending time with me. I spend a lot of my weekends on my own because of his work, but if I arrange stuff he makes me feel guilty for spending money or leaving him out. I don't feel like I can ask myself over to friends houses on the night off every week but I really don't have the money to do stuff every week either. We have had this in the past when it was more of a priority and we didn't always go out but we did spend uninterrupted time together. Previously when I organised stuff to do he made me feel like I should cancel (his hours can change up to two weeks before the date) as otherwise he'd be on his own.

steff13 Mon 10-Oct-16 08:30:33

He can't work 7 nights a week, though. It's not right for him to make you feel bad about going out.

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