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AIBU to not want dp to come on holiday?

(39 Posts)
WillWorkForMoney Sun 09-Oct-16 17:24:06

Earlier in the year my nan paid for me, dp and our dc to go on holiday abroad. (She came too) In the lead up to the holiday dp moaned about the location, date, having to save spends up. While we were there he moaned about the fact we couldn't go out exploring much due to nan not being as fit as us (she's 84!) He didn't like sitting next to the pool (preferred the beach which we did 3 out of the 7 days) even though the kids loved the pool and their new inflatables (1st time abroad) Then whinged that we wanted to visit a theme park and wasn't going to come until 30 mins before we left. Then more moaning when home about all of the above.
Nan has very kindly offered to take me and the girls away next year again. Same place. But she doesn't really want dp to come (and I'm not sure if I do tbh)
Would it be unreasonable to go? Baring in mind if he had the choice, he would come. (Can't afford to go away on our own)

midsomermurderess Sun 09-Oct-16 17:28:11

It clearly wasn't for him so no, leave him at home. He sounds like a complete baby anyway.

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 09-Oct-16 17:29:32

I don't think you're out of order. Tell him you are going with your Nan, but he's not invited as he hated it so much last year. And spoiled it for everyone else. If he objects then an apology to Nan and a promise not to whine is in order.

If he wants a different sort of holi#day he can book and pay for it.

prettywhiteguitar Sun 09-Oct-16 17:30:51

No YANU he acted like a dick and is now not invited again. Simples

msrisotto Sun 09-Oct-16 17:32:21

YANBU. He clearly didn't enjoy it so you're doing him a favour by the sound of it.

IfartInYourGeneralDirection Sun 09-Oct-16 17:32:49

Go without and enjoy your time with your nan

TaliDiNozzo Sun 09-Oct-16 17:34:43

YANBU. Your DP acted like a complete twat, why should your nan pay out for him when he is incapable of behaving like an adult?!

ijustwannadance Sun 09-Oct-16 17:36:37

Let him stay at home and whinge on his own.

WillWorkForMoney Sun 09-Oct-16 17:36:47

Thing is, he'll make me feel guilty that I'm taking money from family funds for spending money. Saving it up does skint us a bit but it's (just) manageable. He'll be thinking why should he suffer when he's not coming?

WillWorkForMoney Sun 09-Oct-16 17:38:47

It wasn't constant moaning. But I was so embarrassed when me, nan and kids were all down by the pool and he was sitting in the room sulking because we weren't going to the beach again.

Euphemia Sun 09-Oct-16 17:38:52

YANBU! What a twat.

Euphemia Sun 09-Oct-16 17:40:06

If he goes, more family money is spent and you all have a worse time. No-brainer.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Sun 09-Oct-16 17:41:03


He sounds incredibly selfish and hard work. I'd focus on that if he starts the guilt tripping.

I couldn't be with some one like that!

WillWorkForMoney Sun 09-Oct-16 17:44:14

If I'm honest Jinglebells, I've started distancing myself from him, and I doubt we'll last much longer. He's just so negative about everything. It's draining.

Nydj Sun 09-Oct-16 17:47:24

Does he never spend money on himself that could have otherwise been spent on the family? If so, then the holiday spending money is no different.

edwinbear Sun 09-Oct-16 17:47:27

YANBU he tried to spoil everyone's holiday the minute it wasn't all about him. I'm not surprised your nan doesn't want to take him again. Go without him, you'll all have a much better time.

stitchglitched Sun 09-Oct-16 17:47:30

YANBU. I imagine it can't have been easy for your Nan to tell you she doesn't want him to come so his behaviour must have been really hurtful. If he starts moaning about spending money and lack of benefit to him, tell him it is for his children and to stop being such a selfish arse.

Zeeandra Sun 09-Oct-16 17:47:46

* me, nan and kids were all down by the pool and he was sitting in the room sulking because we weren't going to the beach again*

That's just plain disrespectful to be honest. If someone pays for you to go on holiday with them they presumably would like your company. If it's not your idea of a good time tough. You either suck it up and make the best of it by participating in whatever the majority want to do or you stay home.

Also if you have kids you use the time to play with the kids and have that time together. Sulking in the room is childish and disrespectful. I wouldn't want to pay for someone who treated my gift like that either.

You may find your nan treats you to some spends. I imagine she'd rather do that than pay for someone who moans and sulks and hides when they don't get their own way to come with you.

WankersHacksandThieves Sun 09-Oct-16 17:52:00

Is he 6? If he wanted to go to the beach, why didn't he just go on his own?

My DS2 is 15 - when we went away he wanted to go for a walk rather than the pool so he went for a walk and joined us later. No moaning, no drama etc.

I'd go without or tell him if he comes he is free to go and do his own thing.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Sun 09-Oct-16 17:53:22

Go for it then op, don't turn this opportunity down.

You can have a relaxing holiday - no moaning and plenty of laughs!

Jinglebellsandv0dka Sun 09-Oct-16 17:53:48

And good in your nan for saying something!

pipsqueak25 Sun 09-Oct-16 17:54:27

enjoy you hols with your dc and your lovely nan, then think about the long term status and start planning for that with your dcs and stbexh.

WankersHacksandThieves Sun 09-Oct-16 17:54:38

...and I don't mean going to the beach in a sulk. He could have simply said. "I fancy the beach for a bit today, does anyone want to join me or are you all happier with the pool?" then when you say you fancy staying by the pool, he could have said "well if you all don't mind then, I'm going to head down for a swim in the sea, I'll come back in a couple of hours and take the kids for an ice-cream ok?"

Euphemia Sun 09-Oct-16 17:55:13

I'm on holiday right now with my mum (73) and DD (14). Lots of compromise, no moaning!

We don't each want to do the same thing all the time, but we appreciate that each of us deserves a nice holiday.

QOD Sun 09-Oct-16 18:00:09

I go at least once a year with my mum and kid and once a year just me and mum.
Dh has anxiety and it comes out pretty much as you've described!
Too hot too cold wrong clothes wrong people doesn't like this that or the other

We are going away for a long weekend this year ... god help me

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