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AIBU?

To get so upset about wasted expressed milk

56 replies

TheChineseChicken · 09/10/2016 17:18

I have spent quite a bit of time building a stash of expressed milk in our freezer. We don't have a lot of success getting DD to take a bottle but try every now and then.

On several occasions recently I have returned from a brief outing from the house to find DH has used yet another of the bags of milk to try to feed DD 'because she seemed a bit hungry' only for DD to reject it and the entire lot of milk to be poured away. Even though I was a maximum of 15 minutes away from being able to feed myself.

We now need only have 2 bags of milk left and the thought of having to express it all again is just too much. It's made me feel utterly fed up and tired of all of it. I find motherhood and mat leave hard and things like this just tip me over the edge.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Report

Coulddowithanap · 09/10/2016 17:24

It's totally understandable feeling how you do.

How about freezing it in smaller portions?

I once cried as I had dropped a bottle of expressed milk that had taken ages to express and it slipped out my hands when changing the lid, I lost the lot (probably around 6oz).

TheChineseChicken · 09/10/2016 17:29

We had a selection of amounts in bags but all the small ones had been used trying to get DD comfortable using the bottle.

I was having a really nice Sunday but have had to come and hide in our room for a bit of space. TBH this is probably just a symptom of me struggling with things quite a bit. I'm finding looking after DD a lot harder than I expected.

OP posts:

1hamwich4 · 09/10/2016 17:30

I've been there. DH once took all of our stash without checking it was securely closed. At least half was wasted, but what really hurt was how casual he was about it. Hours and hours of boring expressing for his benefit alone and he apparently didn't give a shit.

allegretto · 09/10/2016 17:31

I think only women who have expressed can really appreciate how precious every drop is OP!

TheChineseChicken · 09/10/2016 17:35

I think that's the issue - our DPs just can't understand why it's a problem. Expressing isn't necessarily difficult but it's boring and the last thing I want to be doing with my spare time.

And the response of 'I thought I was helping' is particularly frustrating.

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/10/2016 17:38

YANBU but have you tried mam bottles

AnnaT45 · 09/10/2016 17:38

My freezer broke a day before we were due to go away to a wedding. DD refused formula so we couldn't go. I remember having a huge cry about it at the time. Please don't feel bad. Motherhood is incredibly overwhelming especially if you're BF as it's so hard to get a break. How old is your baby? I found things got much easier around a year, thank goodness as I was two months pregnant!

AnnaT45 · 09/10/2016 17:39

Oh yes to Mam bottles! They were the only ones DD would take. I also find a lot of men assume baby is hungry when they cry!

poppopp · 09/10/2016 17:40

YANBU, expressing is fucking boring and its soul destroying seeing your milk get chucked. I gave up trying to get my dd to take a bottle in the end for this reason.

BaronessBomburst · 09/10/2016 17:41

I built up a supply of BM in the freezer which never, ever got used. I tried making some of it into porridge when weaning but ultimately it just went down the sink.
In an emergency you could always use formula if you find expressing hard. I kept a few ready made cartons in the cupboard but guess what? They eventually went down the sink too.
Do you need/ want to give bottles?
How old is your DD?

ALongTimeComing · 09/10/2016 17:41

How old is your child? You might not even be needing to replenish the stash.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 09/10/2016 17:43

When ds1 was a baby, I had to go into work for half a day when he was about a month old. There was expressed milk in the fridge, and a couple of small bags in the freezer.

MIL and dh (ex) we looking after him, and couldn't work out how to defrost the frozen milk (we didn't have a microwave), so just left it out on the side. When I got home the milk had been poured into the cats bowl!!! I was so upset and angry.

They just didn't seem to get what the problem was (no wonder we split up).

So you have my sympathy

BaronessBomburst · 09/10/2016 17:44

And yes, it took months before I could actually bring myself to empty the freezer. I think DS was about 3 by then.

septembersunshine · 09/10/2016 17:44

I feel for you op. My baby is 6 weeks and we are mixed feeding. I express 3 times a day and it's hard work. Every drop is precious. I think your dh is just trying to settle dd and he is eliminating a major cause of crying; hunger. I don't think your over reacting. It's so hard looking after a baby but it does get easier. Soon feeding will be replaced by other issues and with babies goal posts constantly shift so just try to relax and do your best with the expressing but don't let it break you...better times are close by!

TheChineseChicken · 09/10/2016 17:50

Thanks everyone for the encouraging replies. Glad it's not just me! DD is 15 weeks and I am on the verge of giving up trying with bottles as it's not worth the hassle.

Actually MAM bottles are the only ones she will occasionally take but thanks for the suggestion.

Notso I can't believe your milk ended up in the cat's bowl!! How depressing

OP posts:

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 09/10/2016 17:51

The cleaner turned off our freezer when we were away - leading me to have to throw away 15 bags or so of ebm. Baby wasn't breast feeding any more but it was kept for when he was ill and we could offer breast milk. :(

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 09/10/2016 17:59

YANBU!! No practical advice but feeling your pain 're expressing!

ParadiseCity · 09/10/2016 18:01

I'd have gone fucking nuts. My youngest is 10 years old and I have only just thrown away 2 bottles of EBM as the wholeading new motherhood expressing thing is SO hard. It had been kept in the freezer in case of emergency and then I didn't have the heart to throw it as I knew how hard it was to produce!!!
I remember having a power cut and only my mum-friend could understand the immediate thought of 'OMG the ebm' - she dropped everything and rushed round with a cool box and put it in her freezer.
OP it is hard with a baby but you are truly doing a fantastic job.

BaronessBomburst · 09/10/2016 18:02

I'd give up on the bottles; maybe try a Dody cup?
You'll be weaning soon anyway!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/10/2016 18:05

Oh god! The time I dropped 140ml of breastmilk on the floor as I went to put the lid on.

I mopped up crying the whole time with Dh saying "no point in crying over spilt milk". It was vaguely amusing the first time. By the 137th I was comsidering divorce.

I eventually reconciled myself to it all by thinking about it as calories and comparing to a really unpleasant form of exercise. (If I remember right 100ml of breastmilk = 140 calls = walking up 70 flights of steps. That is a f@ck of a lot of steps!)

Scentofwater · 09/10/2016 18:05

Not all men don't care! As my DD couldn't latch properly and I was messed up from sepsis and a horrible EMCS my DH ended up helping collect the droplets of colostrum I was desperately trying to express. I couldn't use both arms properly because of the Iv line so he had to be the one holding the tiny syringe! Then it took four weeks of pumping before her tongue tie was diagnosed so he was bottle feeding her while I pumped and he saw the rediculous battle I had to pump enough. If he hadn't had to do that though I don't know if he would understand. Bless him he bought me lactation cookies to help.

Dd was cup fed by the midwives for a few days and the amount that wasted dribbling down her chin was awful to watch.

BaronessBomburst · 09/10/2016 18:06

[[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bickiepegs-DCR-Doidy-Cup-Red/dp/B000RBE6Q6?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21]]

I saw these recommended on a thread years ago and we bought one for DS. They were fab.

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GertrudeBelle · 09/10/2016 18:06

I feel your pain - that stuff is like liquid gold!

FireflyGirl · 09/10/2016 18:07

Mine was knocked over in the fridge and leaked. I sobbed. Possibly also linked to the fact the reason I was having to express was because DS went on nursing strike.

Pumping is soul-destroying, and I agree with pp - anyone who hasn't done it doesn't understand! I ended up giving up after 7 weeks and DS went onto formula.

I don't think your DH was 'wrong' though - 15 mins is a long time with a screaming baby who might just need feeding. I personally would have given her the milk when she was next hungry rather than waste it.

If you're going to express again, I'd freeze it in lots of smaller amounts.

BaronessBomburst · 09/10/2016 18:08

[[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bickiepegs-DCR-Doidy-Cup-Red/dp/B000RBE6Q6?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21]]

Link fail, sorry!

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