To think there are better things...

(18 Posts)
MerylPeril Sun 09-Oct-16 16:10:40

To do with your time than shopping...

Waiting for the 'it's none of your business comments'grin

I have a friend, 2 children, single, doesn't work. Don't really know full details of circumstances, she's obviously on benefits of some sort. She never mentions working, or looking for work.

But what she does do is shop - she seems to spend almost all of her time going to town. She can't seem to get back for school end either and is always asking people to get her daughter.
She isn't necessarily buying anything - she has an encyclopaedic knowledge of what's in the shops and is constantly sending me details of toys/clothes DD might be interested in etc

I never go to town. If I am forced to I take a list and get what I need - I do check prices online before I go. It's very rare I need to go though. Children don't need new stuff constantly

She's been to town 4 times this week, to 2 supermarkets and an out of town shopping centre

If I didn't have to ever work I would be finding something else to do with my time - I assume she can't be on sickness as she spends so much time walking about....

I can't believe this is someone's life - she's very nice but it's mind boggling - she will complain how short on time she is to get chores done at home too?

DerekSprechenZeDick Sun 09-Oct-16 16:12:55

Each to their own. Doesn't affect you so leave her be

ayeokthen Sun 09-Oct-16 16:14:01

The only thing about this that would piss me off is if she kept asking me to collect her kid because she wasn't bothering. Other than that, meh.

facepalming Sun 09-Oct-16 16:15:22

Wow I'm glad you are not my friend! You know yabu and it is none of your business how she spends her time.

I think it sounds very sweet that she sends details of things she would think that you and your DD might like

What does it matter to you if she is on benefits? For all you know she might want to be working but her circumstances don't allow.

Maybe she needs an excuse to get out of the house?

You sound jealous that she isn't working -aren't you happy with your life?

SaucyJack Sun 09-Oct-16 16:16:02

She's probably having a nervous breakdown.

Try not to judge.

formerbabe Sun 09-Oct-16 16:16:22

I love shopping...I don't have massive amounts of money to spend but I enjoy all shopping even food shopping.

I personally hate running...I think spending your free time running is madness. I also hate live music, I think going to a gig is a shit way to spend an evening.

Each to their own.

kimlo Sun 09-Oct-16 16:18:07

I know someone like this when they aren't at work.

I have very good reason to suspect its because her home life is really shit, her house is a mess and she doesnt know how to keep herself or her children entertained at home so she spends as little time there as possible. She has also convinced herself that wandering aimlessly around town and eating in pubs is doing something with the kids.

OohhItsNotHoxton Sun 09-Oct-16 16:19:10

Is this a stealth benefits bashing thread? Anyhoo.......She might be handing her CV out or shopping for housebound neighbours. Or just can't bear being home alone. Either way it's not really for you to judge.

HereIAm20 Sun 09-Oct-16 16:24:41

Maybe she is handing in cvs and asking about retail jobs. Maybe she can't face being alone at home all day and needs to be amongst people, even in an anonymous way, to prevent depression. Maybe she needs supportive friends rather than judgmental ones.

CozyAutumn Sun 09-Oct-16 16:25:43

I echo ayeokthen. Not managing her time properly and almost expecting other people to pick her kids up for her would annoy me as well. I imagine it does annoy people tbh. If a friend kept asking me to pick her kid up I would say no.
Maybe recommend after school club to her?

In terms of money etc, people can spend their money how they like whether that is from wages or benefits. But thy shouldn't expect a babysitting service whilst they spend that money.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 09-Oct-16 16:28:27

I find it quite sad. Maybe she just hates being at home.

mrsfuzzy Sun 09-Oct-16 16:28:56

the business with getting people to pick up her dc is a bit off but she might not have a happy home life and needs to be out and about. she might have mental health issues, who knows, something is a miss in her life maybe.
i personally hate window shopping and find clothes shopping sheer hell on earth, but each to their own. let her be though she's okay with what she is doing why should you concern yourself tbh?

CozyAutumn Sun 09-Oct-16 16:42:52

Even if she doesn't have a happy home life, there are parents who aren't single who don't have a happy home life either. A sahp for example might be feeling down so is it ok for them to miss picking their children up from school as well because they are unhappy? Or two parents who are out of work who are both unhappy? Because the sahp or the couple decided to go shopping to cheer themselves up? I have a feeling this is an excuse that will just be made for single mums parents.

MerylPeril Sun 09-Oct-16 16:43:17

No I'm not jealous- I've had periods of not working (by choice) - I've found plenty to do

It's not a stealth benefits bashing, like I said she often doesn't spend anything. I have been on benefits myself at some periods of time - however I stupidly believe that they aren't for forever they are for periods of hardship and difficulty and when you can't get work.

And no - she's not wandering about town handing out CVs - work is something that doesn't seem to be a factor in her life, I don't think she's has ever worked
I think if she was interested in working she would access some of the free training activities there are available and has not shown any interest in where i have ever applied for jobs etc

Obviously it's an activity that is done to fill her days up - fine - it just seems a bit depressing. It obviously gives her some purpose in life.

I think it's the fact she makes out it's necessary and she's 'so busy' but she isn't really. It's not doing something, it's time wasting

girlwithamoonandstaronherhead Sun 09-Oct-16 16:46:40

While it's hard to judge when you don't know circumstances I do find the idea of shopping or going to town without any particular purpose a bit depressing if it's several times a week, and it's not nice for kids. So yaprobablybu but I get what you mean!

Cocklodger Sun 09-Oct-16 16:47:01

''she cant be ill due to the amount of walking around she does''
what?
Do you really think all illnesses prevent you walking (or that they're all physical?)

Didijustgetwinkpointshitcanned Sun 09-Oct-16 16:55:33

YABU. There's always better things to do with your time in the eyes of someone else. There's probably better things to do with your time than to start threads bitching about someone who is your friend grin

MerylPeril Sun 09-Oct-16 16:57:43

I mean there is no physical illness

Maybe she does have mental Heath issues - I've known her 4 years, nothing has ever come up or given me an inclination (esp as we do have a mutual friend who suffers from anxiety/depression - I can't say she's been that sympathetic about her either!)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now