To think MIL shouldn't have spoken to my daughter like she did

(121 Posts)
Welshpoolmummy Sat 08-Oct-16 18:50:01

My MIL is either lovely or a complete cow.
Big detached house in the priciest suburbs in my city, grew up with staff, children boarding school, worked until 40 part time.

Me on the other hand, daughter of a labourer. Done well for myself through education. I know she looks down on my side.

On results day, my daughter got a freak result in one subject and As in everything else she wantes to study further at AS.

She phoned her granny from Italy as promised to share news. Granny said she shouldve worked harder, shouldnt have wasted time going to lectures at Oxford. Shouldnt waste time in bed or playing on the computer. Shouldnt have spent her own earned cash on visiting universities. Time to pull her finger out. My daughter told her to f off as she was upset already.

Then when home, lectures on how well her friends grandkids had done as they go to the boarding schools her father and aunt went to.

Granny told her that she might not get into Oxford or a top 10 university but her results werent that bad. angry
When your uncle was at oxford.....

We've decided not to tell granny where she's applied to university. (In fact she's already had an offer from a top 10 wink)

AIBU?

ConvincingLiar Sat 08-Oct-16 18:52:39

Granny sounds like a cow. People do better at private school generally, that's why people will pay for them. She should be proud of how well your daughter has done despite not having such a privileged education.

Littlepeople12345 Sat 08-Oct-16 18:53:09

Tell your DH to have a word. Well done to your dd telling her to fuck off.

MatildaTheCat Sat 08-Oct-16 18:56:35

It's a confusing story. Granny sounds very rude and opinionated. Your dd was very rude to tell her grandmother to fuck off.

As it's October where I live I'm really, really confused about your dd having an offer from a 'top10' uni. confused

So YPABU.

MrsJayy Sat 08-Oct-16 18:56:49

Telling granny to fuck off was rude does she normally swear at people? anyway gran sounds a complete cow and i think you should have a word with her.

Welshpoolmummy Sat 08-Oct-16 19:01:38

Hi thanks for the replies.
Yes the uni in question sent an offer the day after she submitted her UCAS.

She's usually very reserved, I know it was rude, but I think I would've said the same thing given how she was feeling.

LagunaBubbles Sat 08-Oct-16 19:01:40

Your DD told her Gran to F off???

LIZS Sat 08-Oct-16 19:06:19

Your dd was rude even in the face of provocation. I hope she is able to retake that AS to improve her ums otherwise Oxbridge may well not consider her and some won't even look at resits. We do have someone similar in the family who harks back to days long gone at Oxbridge and I wonder how much is embellished through the mists of time. Better to just bite your lip though.

Jengnr Sat 08-Oct-16 19:06:22

I don't think it's unreasonable to tell someone so horrible to fuck off tbh.

rainbowunicorn Sat 08-Oct-16 19:12:11

Why should she not have told her to Fuck off ? Just because she is granny is no reason for OP's daughter to put up with that kind of shite from her.

CombineBananaFister Sat 08-Oct-16 19:14:36

I also don't think it's rude to be rude to some someone back, okay its not taking the highground but manners are a two way thing - you don't deal them, you don't deserve them.
YANBU, what a shitty thing to say to someone who has done well, people do survive who don't make it to Oxbridge you know hmm some even get really good jobs grin

Amelie10 Sat 08-Oct-16 19:20:15

Your daughter was so rude. Do you usually speak to people that way in your family.

Armadillostoes Sat 08-Oct-16 19:23:49

YANBU. I also agree that your poor DD shouldn't be blamed for an angry reaction. If I had put my heart and soul into something and didn't achieve what I hoped, I would be upset too, and might well struggle to keep my temper if spoken to like that.

Welshpoolmummy Sat 08-Oct-16 19:24:29

Amelie.

Please, in context. Infact, her grandfather on that side doesn't flinch at language. He'd probably remark to someone who disapproves "Oh how lower Middle class". He's so lovely compared to her.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sat 08-Oct-16 19:25:08

Sounds like your dd will do well in rl. And all the better for granny being in Italy!!

WeArePregnant11 Sat 08-Oct-16 19:38:43

She sounds like a cow. Of course privately educated people generally get Bretter results. I went to a private school the first few years of my education ( it the U.K., it in Europe) and when I went to a (rather prestigious) state college prep school I really realized that I had a huge advantage compared to the people that came from state schools...

Ad anyhow, it sounds like your daughter is smart, dedicated and will do quite well. smile

WeArePregnant11 Sat 08-Oct-16 19:40:27

*better results. *not in the UK (actually in Switzerland)

that's what I get for not changing my iPad's language setting, I guess smile

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Oct-16 19:40:28

I'm just comparing this to something, which my mother could say to my dd when she's older. TBH I wouldn't have a problem with my dd telling my mother to fuck off if my mother said something equally shit to her. I have a regular desire to tell mother to fuck off as she's a total bitch to me.

KungFuPandaWorksOut Sat 08-Oct-16 19:43:58

I don't get why people are taking offence to your DD telling somebody too fuck off, regardless of who that person is they deserved that reaction. She didn't just randomly ring her up and tell her to fuck off.
Leave your MIL to it, she sounds like nothing would ever be good enough and always be able to give a critique when it isn't needed.

gillybeanz Sat 08-Oct-16 19:47:23

The OP dd is 17 and was provoked beyond reason by someone who should know better , and should encourage, support and praise.
The 17 year old id still learning, the gob shite granny should be a role model.

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 08-Oct-16 20:09:10

Well grandma sounds rather demanding and exacting but I guess she just stated her honest opinion really. I think your dad was horrifically rude to tell her to F off. That could in some families be the end of the relationship..I know I wouldn't tolerate it .
Maybe gran needs to calm down with her expectations and dd needs to stop trying to live up to them and expecting the praise from her.

EweAreHere Sat 08-Oct-16 20:09:11

Well done to your daughter. I'm sure she will be fine.

I wouldn't tell Granny anything after that. And daughter had every right to tell someone so rude and ridiculous to F off.

Welshpoolmummy Sat 08-Oct-16 20:12:14

Sellingyesterdaynews.

I'm sorry but you're being ridiculous. End of a relationship? Nobody can be that precious!

I bloody would expect praise after I work my arse off, from my own gran.

Rochefort Sat 08-Oct-16 20:15:09

What did your dh say about his mother's behaviour towards his daughter?

Benedikte2 Sat 08-Oct-16 20:24:14

Don't understand why but so many people don't/won't praise their family members to their face but tell you how well their friends kids etc have done.
With my DM it was because she thought conceit was a terrible vice so never told me she was proud of my achievements. Years later heard she had told others how well I'd done, but that didn't help my self esteem.
Sounds like your DD has spirit. Good luck to her

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