Am I being a precious brat?

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

We are going on holiday next week for one week. My birthday is on one of the days.
I had planned for the three of us (DH and DD) to do something for my birthday.
I've since found out my sister and her family are coming to the same holiday spot for two days.
One of these days is my birthday. Now we are meant to be doing things with them on both days. I like my sister but she is never on time for things and we have to wait around for her and her family to go anywhere and I always end up looking like an uptight misery when I want to make the most of our time away. She always laughs off her lateness saying she is "laid back".

I know I'm being a precious idiot but I really wanted to do the planned activity on my actual birthday. We have now changed it to another day.

What I would really like to do is just say no I want to do things with my husband and daughter on my birthday but I know I will look like a mardy cow.

Also it's taking up two days of our holiday and I'd really just like to spend time just the three of us. We rarely get the chance to all be together what with school/work etc.

I don't know what I want to actually ask now. After writing it all out I know I look like a knob...
If I'd known they were going this week I would have picked a different week for holiday tbh.

[SpuriouserAndSpuriouser]

Any chance you could do the activity you had planned on your birthday during the day, and arrange to meet your sister and her family in the evening for a nice meal? I actually think your sister is being really rude, gatecrashing your holiday and pressuring you to change plans.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

Because they are in the same place as us so we would see them there and would be really obvious we were there ikywim? It's a small resort with lodges so we would see them around the place. Would be awkward not to speak to them if you see what I mean.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I know I'm being a precious idiot but I really wanted to do the planned activity on my actual birthday. We have now changed it to another day. Why? You could just have said you were busy with your family.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

We could do it during the day but when I said I'd made plans she said "Oh it's a shame as we're only up for two days". She has a way of making me look like a stick in the mud

[Heratnumber7]

I think grown ups don't usually mind if their birthday celebration isn't actually on their birthday. But you don't have to meet your relatives if you don't want to. Say the activity is already booked and you can't change it.

If they want to meet you anyway, another time, say you'll be at such and such a place at such and such a time. Give them 5 mins to be Kate then crack on without them. They can catch up with you when they eventually get there.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

I know MrsPratchett. I don't know why I'm such a push over with her. I need to get a grip but hate people think I'm being uptight which is very difficult when she is all "Oh I'm so laid back".

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

I did wonder if I was being a baby Heratnumber. Fully prepared to accept that.

[Pineapplemilkshake]

I'd be pissed off too. SIL and BIL booked the same holiday resort as us though it only overlapped for a couple of days - we ended up having to spend time with them even though we never see them otherwise. I think holiday time is do precious when DC are young.

I've also just found out that a different SIL is having her baby's christening on my birthday. She is absolutely lovely and doesn't mind that I will have other plans. Obviously DP will still be attending, but I will be doing something with my DC instead. But DP and his family can't understand why I, an atheist, am not spending my birthday travelling 200 miles to go to a church service!

[Dozer]

YABU and martyrish for agreeing to change your plans and then resenting it: either change them and roll with it, and do the activity another day, or stick with your plans and just see your sister for one day.

[DinosaursRoar]

Go back to her - sorry, x day we are busy, can't change the plans after all but happy to see you on y day.

Just because she's decided she wants to go to the same place on your birthday, doesn't mean you have to drop your plans to spend with her.

[DinosaursRoar]

Go back to her - sorry, x day we are busy, can't change the plans after all but happy to see you on y day.

Just because she's decided she wants to go to the same place on your birthday, doesn't mean you have to drop your plans to spend with her.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

TBH if I knew that when we arranged to do something that they would be there when we agreed it wouldn't be so stressful.
For example if I said oh let's meet for breakfast at the main hotel for 9.30 they wouldn't show up until about 10.15. It's like this with everything. I can't stand lateness. I just think it's rude. But whenever they are late it's brushed off because they are so "laid back" and I'm uptight.

[Dozer]

Who do you mean by "people"? Your sister (who sounds inconsiderate)? your DH?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I need to get a grip but hate people think I'm being uptight which is very difficult when she is all "Oh I'm so laid back". The difference between confident people and people who aren't is owning your shit. So you're uptight? So what? Rock that uptightness

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

Dozer. I haven't said to anyone IRL that I resented it. Just on here.
Just you know when you have an idea for something and it doesn't end up happening, I just feel disappointed. I'm not very good at expressing what I mean.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

People is my sister and BIL. Dh doesn't think I'm uptight. He doesn't like the lateness either.

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

Oh dear maybe I am uptight! I can't help it though. I like to be on time for things. It stresses me out to be late.

[Dozer]

Yes, but it's still U - to yourself! Sounds like your sister is rude (late, being dismissive when you complain about this), and takes up your time waiting around for her, so be kind to yourself and set some boundaries, rather than passively complying and being pissed off.

[Sandsnake]

I'd be just like you - I'd resent the unexpected 'company' on holiday but worry about saying that I wanted to do my own thing on my birthday. You should though. Birthday just you, DH and DD and then the other day with them. If your sister's family are only there for two days then I'm surprised they don't want at least one of those to themselves anyway (although some people seem to always need to be with others on holidays, which I just don't get at all!).

[PurplePidjin]

Lateness is rude, when it's by that much, she just doesn't think your time is important

Tell her you'll be at (eg) the zoo at 9:30 and she should find you there when she's ready. Meeting for lunch at 12:30 and she rocks up at 1? Sorry, sis, kids were hungry so we ate. Catch us up at the pool when you're ready though.

Basically, waste her time back

[TempNickNameForThisPost]

That's good advice Dozer. What can I say without sounding like a dick? This is what I find difficult so I usually just don't say anything!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Late people are saying that their time is more important than yours. Why can't you act like your needs are important too? She has no issues with it. Just ask for what you want. It's liberating!