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Splitting the bill

(40 Posts)
temp1234 Sat 08-Oct-16 04:32:42

Name changed for this!
I was out a few weeks ago for a meal with some of the women from DHs family, essentially a girls night out.
We were all drinking except DHs cousin who is pregnant.
When the bill came myself and SIL suggested the cousin only pay for what she had as the alcohol had made the bill very high and she hadn't had any of it.
This was agreed and the bill was paid fine with the rest of us splitting it equally.
MIL later told me her sister (DHs aunt) was furious with me for this suggestion, but not SIL hmm
She is not refusing to come to any family occasion where I am going to be there because of this! We have never rowed, and have always gotten on fine.
Although she is clearly angry she has never brought this up with me at all just seems to rant about me to other members of DHs family. SIL hasn't been targeted by her despite it being her idea too!
Was I unreasonable? Or is she?

Weetabixandtoast Sat 08-Oct-16 04:36:19

She is being totally unreasonable and clearly just looking for an excuse to pick a fight with you!

temp1234 Sat 08-Oct-16 04:44:29

That should be she is now refusing! And she isn't actually fighting with me. She thinks I have no idea! It's others from DHs family who she is badmouthing me to. MIL, FIL, his cousins and BIL! Apparently i can't be trusted and wanted to cause trouble hmm

OwlinaTree Sat 08-Oct-16 04:48:08

Sounds like she was annoyed at having to pay more money out at the meal. Your suggestion was totally reasonable.

RhodaBorrocks Sat 08-Oct-16 04:48:38


I was at after work drinks and dinner last week and those of us who didn't have alcohol or food paid only for what we had had.

I know some people find not just splitting the bill evenly nitpicky, but ime unless you all have food and drinks to the same approx value there's always some joker who doesn't put enough in and someone else has to make up the shortfall.

Was DH's aunt extravagant in the hope that by splitting the bill she'd get a good deal? Or was she quite restrained with the alcohol herself and therefore feels she is making up a shortfall? Either one of those things could piss someone off.

temp1234 Sat 08-Oct-16 04:52:27

No one could have been extravagant. It was 3 courses for a set price which we all had and then 2 for 1 cocktails which we all had the same amount of, except the cousin who had 2 diet cokes. So after the cousin paid her share we all paid the same amount as we had all had the same amount of food/drink. The drinkers did have to pay £15 more each than the cousin due to the amount of alcohol we had

RhodaBorrocks Sat 08-Oct-16 05:01:42

So she is definitely being unreasonable then and was probably hoping for SIL to pick up the excess so she got a good deal. Rude.

And you want to cause trouble? That's some pretty major projecting going on there.

botanically Sat 08-Oct-16 05:09:36

She is most definitely being unreasonable. How bizarre. I hope your MIL told her how ridiculous she's being.

ParForTheCourses Sat 08-Oct-16 05:10:08

Sibu. Is she usually a taker who thinks people should subsidise her?

What is her justification for 'you are causing trouble'? Did Mil and dh family defend you and tell her to stop scrounging?

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Oct-16 05:27:04

Oh, <swoon> what a loss it will be to not have her near you. Do you think you will be able to bear such a grave loss with fortitude? Silly woman that she is. I would just ignore it, however hurtful and however much you wish to defend yourself. She's either miserly and wanted something for nothing or she's jealous and trying to push you out, you being the outsider. If you think she has a lot of influence in the family, I would get your dh to have a strong word with her. Would he do that and would she listen?

zad716 Sat 08-Oct-16 05:51:02

Totally unreasonable. What makes it even more ridiculous is that if there were 5 at the meal (all you've mentioned) and you had split the bill evenly it would have cost the drinkers only £3 less. If there had been more of you the difference would have been even less.

katemess12 Sat 08-Oct-16 05:51:09

I'd be like, "Cool, she's free not to come to anything I'm at and that way I won't have to be around the insufferable cow".

NoahVale Sat 08-Oct-16 06:26:50

She sounds really petty.
She needs to get over it.

Are your surprised by this or does she have form?

Penfold007 Sat 08-Oct-16 06:40:54

Are you sure it was this aunt who complained and not MIL? Sounds like MIL is stirring things.

NoahVale Sat 08-Oct-16 06:49:18

I agree, MIL is stirring, quite unnecessary

ChopsticksandChilliCrab Sat 08-Oct-16 07:06:30

Your mil should have defended you to the aunt, saying that a) everyone paid for what they had and b) if she didn't like it she should have spoken up at the time and secondly she shouldn't have even mentioned the comments to you. She is definitely stirring and doesn't sound very nice.

ViviPru Sat 08-Oct-16 07:06:52

Is the tight Aunt the pregnant cousin's Mum?

somekindofmother Sat 08-Oct-16 07:11:45

i have been the only non drinker at meals and been made to split the bill evenly when 6 £25 bottles of wine have been ordered (group of 8) and imo that's far more U. not sure what aunts problem is. is it that you took it upon urself to organise the paying of the bill when she sees herself as the matriarch and splitting the bill is usually her job maybe?

ZuleikaDobson Sat 08-Oct-16 07:18:14

I hope MIL and the rest of the family have told her she is being ridiculous?

ChorusLine69 Sat 08-Oct-16 07:30:39

I think it was really good of you to suggest this for DHs cousin as she must have been pleased not to have to fund everyone else's boozing - don't understand why anyone would have a problem with that!

temp1234 Sat 08-Oct-16 07:34:39

Yes MIL and rest of family have been defending me. She is not pregnant cousins mum, pregnant cousins mum wasn't there as she was unwell. DH has asked her what her problem is, she says I'm 'not her type of person as she doesn't like trouble causers' DH told her in no uncertain terms to stay away from us and our children. She has however asked MIL about the arrangements for my DDs upcoming birthday party hmm I've told DH she is not invited. Before this meal out I had always got on well with her and we usually had a laugh together.

TerrorAustralis Sat 08-Oct-16 07:34:48

I don't get her gripe. How does she think the bill should have been split? Is her complaint that the non-drinker have paid more? confused

As an aside, your MIL sounds like a shit-stirrer. Are she and her sister usually drama queens?

ViviPru Sat 08-Oct-16 07:41:21

She sounds emotionally unstable. Try not to add fuel to her fire and hopefully it will blow over.

StylishDuck Sat 08-Oct-16 07:49:12

I think you're all being unfair on the MIL. I'd absolutely want to know if someone in DH's family was badmouthing me to the rest of the family. As long as DH and MIL have defended you to her I would just ignore tbh. I agree she sounds emotionally unstable and I wouldn't want my kids around someone like that anyway. You were definitely not BU re the bill OP, but I suspect you knew that already. The fact she was only annoyed at you and not SIL who also suggested it, it sounds like there's something else underlying.

NoahVale Sat 08-Oct-16 07:50:10

thing is op, it wasnt even your idea
can you talk to her and Tell her, it wasnt your idea. but you agreed it was a good idea.

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