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SIL strikes again!!! AIBU????

(47 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Fri 07-Oct-16 11:26:05

Ok so some of you may remember a thread a did a few months ago about my SIL who wouldn't look after my DD for 10 minutes when I had an overlap time that I needed to leave for an interview by my DB wouldn't be home just yet after all the free childcare I provided them.
I came away from the thread after everyone's really helpful responses knowing that the way to go forward was to continue to look after my nieces but ONLY if it was to help my DB as we continuously help each other out when needed.

Soooo back to today. DB has gone away for a few days with work, he rang me with 2/3 requests to help my SIL with the kids whilst he was gone (school pickups/drop offs) I declined all and said she works out leave when it's for things for her so I'm sure she can do it for her children... every single Friday I pick my younger niece up from school with my DD, they literally look forward to it all week; we have our rituals that we do and we always have a lovely time together, then my DB picks his eldest up when school finishes then gets DN from me.

I spoke to SIL this morning about what the plan was for today (what time would she be picking DN up) seems that she got me confused with the local taxi service and assumed I would be dropping her home later, no I said, I can't do this tonight I have DH family coming for dinner and I won't have time. So she has now decided that she may aswell pick DN up from school then when she finishes if she has to go out to get her anyway.

I 100% know that this is totally fair enough if she wants to but AIBU to think she is just a selfish cow. My DD will be so upset now as she thinks her friend is coming to play and the only reason she isn't now is because my SIL has decided literally an hour before than this is no longer "convenient".

rookiemere Fri 07-Oct-16 11:32:14

I remember your previous thread, but on this occasion I'm afraid YABU.
Her DH has gone away, she isn't able to pick up her DD from yours, so it's easier for her to pick her up from school. Can't see what the problem is. Yes your DD misses playing with her for one afternoon, but it's hardly the end of the world.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Fri 07-Oct-16 11:33:39

I don't think either of you are being more (or less) unreasonable than the other.

I agree with what you're doing, but you must have realised there would be a knock on effect. I wouldn't want DS to be going round to someone's house if I felt they were being arsey and awkward (which is what your SIL is probably thinking), especially if it was then going to be a pain in the ass for me to pick him up later.

Fanfeck Fri 07-Oct-16 11:35:09

This time YABU but I see why

SheldonsSpot Fri 07-Oct-16 11:36:34


bakedappleflavour Fri 07-Oct-16 11:36:44

Er yabu

AyeAmarok Fri 07-Oct-16 11:40:18


I get that there's a backstory, but on this occasion her arrangements make sense.

Arfarfanarf Fri 07-Oct-16 11:40:46

tbh I think you either want to pass the message or you don't.

Did you ever tell her why you wouldn't be helping her out any more?

If she wants to pick her up from school that's fine. Be ok with that.

Perhaps it is cut her nose off to spite her face because she has to leave even earlier than she would if she was to collect from yours afterwards.

SpaceUnicorn Fri 07-Oct-16 11:43:05

Yes your DD misses playing with her for one afternoon, but it's hardly the end of the world.


I remember your previous thread too, and I think this goes deeper than the convenience of otherwise of arrangements, reciprocal childcare, etc.

You come across as having a strong dislike of your SIL (which she's doubtless picked up on), and you're sounding a bit petty here.

rollonthesummer Fri 07-Oct-16 11:46:59

Why do you pick her child up on a Friday if she's home to do it?

Did you ever tell her you were annoyed before?

diddl Fri 07-Oct-16 11:48:09

Selfish cow for picking both kids up from school at the same time?

If the cousins see each other every week then one missed one hardly matters, does it?

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 07-Oct-16 11:52:25

Her youngest DD finishes 4hours earlier than her oldest so it isn't picking them up at the same time.

She works at home sometimes so was at home today.

I will say that I was BU then. Fully able to accept that.

Soubriquet Fri 07-Oct-16 11:52:54

Yes yabu

Why would she do two trips when she can do the one?

LucyLot Fri 07-Oct-16 11:56:18

I don't think YABU she sounds awful and I'm glad you're not letting her walk all over you

diddl Fri 07-Oct-16 11:58:13

Ah, my mistake.

So she has to turn out twice either way?

Where are you compared to the school & why do you have your neice every Friday?

SpaceUnicorn Fri 07-Oct-16 11:58:33

I will say that I was BU then. Fully able to accept that.

Ah, fair play to you, OP. It's not often that we get that on AIBU. smile

I think you maybe do need to tackle the issue with your SIL though - the previous event is still bugging you and it's colouring your reactions. Don't let it fester, find a way to let it go (or have it out, though that's probably not a great idea!)

NeedABanner Fri 07-Oct-16 11:59:05

diddl. She's not picking them up at the same time. The little one finishes at lunchtime & plays with cousin until her Dad picks the older one up then the little one from the OP.

Trying. I remember your other thread. Your SIL is BU as she could easily do what your brother does, but let her cut her nose off to spite her face. Do something nice with DD. I expect you'll get a lot of YABU from people who didn't read your other thread and from people who don't have people like this in their lives. They're used to reasonable & nice people, so don't see the constant low level shitty behaviour.

NeedABanner Fri 07-Oct-16 11:59:25

Cross posted...sorry

GoofyTheHero Fri 07-Oct-16 11:59:45

Soubriquet I think she'll still be doing two trips as younger DD finishes earlier than older one. So it's a case of the SIL saying if she's got to pick her daughter up anyway she'll do it from her nursery rather than OP's house.
OP it's just one week and your DD will be fine so in that respect YABU. Have any open, honest, grown upconversations taken place between you, DB and SIL? It all seems a bit petty (on all sides!).
Not sure this particular incident is worth getting stressed about.

BaronessEllaSaturday Fri 07-Oct-16 12:00:58

She isn't putting you out it just means you have one less child for a few hours, ok your dd will be disappointed but as you stated you have your niece for child care reasons rather than a play date and today the childcare isn't wanted. Without knowing exactly what was discussed and agreed between your DB and his wife there is no way of knowing who is unreasonable.

Saltedcaramel2016 Fri 07-Oct-16 12:01:20

YANBU - it sounds like she is being awkward, why should you drop her back? Don't get all the YABUs here!

NeedABanner Fri 07-Oct-16 12:03:09

Given she wouldn't let DD sit & wait at her house for 10mins previously because she 'WORKS from home - don't you understand that' I suspect she'll regret acting in haste thus afternoon. She was probably trying to guilt you into taking her DD home later. Ignore.


DinosaursRoar Fri 07-Oct-16 12:05:05

Agree sounds like she's cutting off her nose to spite her face. Perhaps she expects that your DD enjoys playing with DN so much you'll say "oh of course I'll fit in with you". She's making life harder for herself, let her. It's one week.

Explain to DD - "oh, because Uncle X is away, DN isn't coming to play today as she's spending the afternoon with Aunty Y." can you arrange for a different friend to come over this week? I'd also try to not make it every week you have DN so it's not automatic for your DD, can you invite other friends over some weeks?

Jinglebellsandv0dka Fri 07-Oct-16 12:06:49


She has to take responsibility for her own children. It's that simple.

Don't waver on this as it will just start all over again. She really does still think you are there for her benefit. Do something fun with your dd instead

icanteven Fri 07-Oct-16 12:07:46


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