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To talk to SIL?

(12 Posts)
Soyouare2faced Fri 07-Oct-16 10:29:42

Long story so I'll try my best here.....
A while back SIL DP Told me something he shouldn't have and I was sworn to secrecy, now my DP and I share everything and have no secrets so I wasn't too happy and wish I'd never been told.
Due to other things DP backed away from his family as he didn't like a few things that had gone on (he didn't know what I knew at this point) then his step mum mentioned something during an innocent convo and when we got home DP asked 'I wonder what else they are keeping from me'
So I told him. He wasn't mad at me he was mad with his sister. they were already not speaking at this point.
Time went on and one evening my phone rang and it was SIL ripping into me for telling DP, I never got a word in and the phone was put down, I was so upset that I'd been caught in the crossfire , she thought the reason he wasn't talking was due to what is told him. It wasn't.
A few weeks have passed and she's text DP to say this is all silly etc etc and now I'm just expected to put it all behind me and drink tea and play happy families ?!? AIBU to not visit this weekend with DP???

Lovelylolz Fri 07-Oct-16 10:38:41

YNBU to not visit this weekend, make your excuses or other plans. You will eventually need to put it behind you and play happy families for dp sake.

Soyouare2faced Fri 07-Oct-16 10:43:32

He says I'm now been awkward and causing in problem, she really laid into me and I sat in tears. I've had no apology at all DP said she will apologise to me at her house . So I said 'let me get this right, I've to go out of my way to someone else's house for an apology' she could phone or text me and I've heard nothing.

Lovewineandchocs Fri 07-Oct-16 10:48:38

Tell him you're not being at all awkward, he has every right to visit his SIL if he likes, you aren't giving him grief about it, but you just don't feel like going into the home of someone who spoke to you in that manner and upset you so much.

Lovewineandchocs Fri 07-Oct-16 10:49:09

Sorry, his DSis.

Lovelylolz Fri 07-Oct-16 10:50:09

Why don't you phone her to clear the air before going over as that would make things awkward for everyone there.

MagikarpetRide Fri 07-Oct-16 11:10:31

I'd feel the same as you, she needs to apologise for her actions by coming to you. If she's not willing to even text you then she isn't sorry.

Longlost10 Fri 07-Oct-16 11:27:41

never ever agree to keep a secret from your partner. They shouldn't have asked you to

HeddaGarbled Fri 07-Oct-16 12:21:22

God, they all sound like drama llamas. Don't bother with insisting on an apology - it'll be meaningless anyway. I agree, don't go - they can all pretend they're on Jeremy Kyle together while you live your life like a normal mature adult.

CaptainCabinets Fri 07-Oct-16 13:53:36

I'd be pissed off with you, too. You agreed to keep a secret yet you blabbed to your DP when he didn't actually need to know.

It wasn't your secret to tell, so can you blame SIL for being upset? I think you both have some apologising to do.

Soyouare2faced Fri 07-Oct-16 13:57:27

My problem with it is if I go and she apologises it will bring up the matter, and I then I will say what I think, which she will not like at all. If the initial phone call I had would have been a conversation and not a full on telling off I would probably be more laid back about it all.
Also when this happened I went to see SIL's DP and apologised that it came across that id been gossiping and that wasn't the case, we had a long chat and he also told me some things that had been said so now I can't stand to be around the viciousness

Soyouare2faced Fri 07-Oct-16 13:59:55

Captain , he needed to know it was to do with inheritance (long story) she had no idea I knew! Her DP knew and was meant to keep his mouth shut , and then he told me. I kept quiet for about 2/3 months until something else came out and I had to tell him , otherwise it was all going to come out and he would have known I knew and not told him.

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