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To think it's unacceptable for friend to open things in my house?

(38 Posts)
user1470271524 Thu 06-Oct-16 20:52:48

I have a friend who makes herself very at home at my house. I love having friends over for dinner/coffee and love for them to "feel at home" but my other friends seem to deal with the normal human boundaries fine unlike her.

She has in the past ripped open a perfume still in it's sealed packaging and sprayed it on. I was shocked but she acted like it was nothing. She had no idea if that perfume was okay to open, it could have been a gift for someone else, or about to be returned and it's rude in general to be open something the owner hasn't themselves surely?

If she comes over and I go to the bathroom/upstairs she makes herself really at home and starts going through the house "exploring" almost, really having a good look through things in a way that's less than appropriate, looking at and picking things up from places that are out of the way, helping herself to nice treats she finds (again that are still sealed) and eating them.

She once opened and started eating treat packs for a work event that were put away on a shelf in another room entirely along with work related things.

Of course someone helping themselves to normal food in my house is not an issue & I always lay on lots of snacks for people, too much most say, and they can help themselves to normal drinks and food around the kitchen, but surely if you see something put away properly (not out in the open) and a little special/specific you don't go out of the way to help yourself to it.

It's got to the stage where i'm afraid to leave her unattended in my house in fear of finding her with something else ripped open, looking at something private or chewing away at a gift I got for someone. I have to really go out of my way to hide private things like letters and work stuff more than anyone should have to, and last time even hid an expensive small box of chocolates I got as a gift before she arrived, which felt really childish and ridiculous, but damn it i already prepared lots of treats and tea for her & should be able to keep some things for myself!

She also invites herself over without making sure it's okay. Either just turning up herself without warning, or changing the plan for a group of us going out to saying she just want to hang out at mine instead.

I invite them to my house all the time but that's on my terms, this kind of behaviour and forcing things on me on the spot is extremely frustrating. Sometimes i'm just not in the mood to host, my house might be out of sorts, I might not have anything to offer them, my partner might be home and doesn't want to be kicked out of the only living room or I want to get out myself - a number of reasons I shouldn't have to justify myself! I put her off enough times with reasons like my husband's working in the living room or i'm already out, but can't keep doing that all the time.

Recently she did this when she knew I was at my parents house for lunch and turned up there which was SO weird and obviously completely disturbed our time together!

She doesn't act creepy when she's doing all this, she just finds it completely normal to breezily act like this and seems to think it's fine for her to do this at her friends and that's how friends act type of thing. Oddly enough I am completely convinced she would find it annoying if I did the same to her though as she keeps very obvious boundaries between friends and her family/home life, but I/we wouldn't want to behave this way to prove a point back to her and I don't think she would get it still.

Not really looking for advice as I know people would say to have a word with her or distance myself from her, but she's not a bad friend apart from these habits, just need to vent and ask i'm not being unreasonable for this getting on my nerves?!

Leeds2 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:10:47

No help, but it would drive me crazy!

This is going to sound odd, but does she have lots of sisters? One of my friends does something similar and when I quizzed her she was hugely apologetic, said this is how she is with her sisters and she does it with her closest female friends without really realising she's doing something inappropriate.

panad317 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:15:23

YANBU. She's rude.

HighwayDragon1 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:15:38

What do you say when you catch her doing this shit?

RhiWrites Thu 06-Oct-16 21:15:56

She seems to have no sense of boundaries at all.

Have you ever tried talking to her about it?

That or buy a very large dildo and write her name on it.

DonaldStott Thu 06-Oct-16 21:21:18

Have you ever asked her to stop doing these things. If someone, even someone extremely close, unsealed a bottle of my perfume, I would be like 'erm excuse me, what are you doing?'!!!!

ijustwannadance Thu 06-Oct-16 21:21:33

Just bloody tell her to stop it! If you need to leave the room tell her not to go through your things as it's very rude and if she does open something new like chocs or perfume, tell her they were a gift for someone and make her replace them!

MrsExpo Thu 06-Oct-16 21:23:04

This is the creepiest thing I've heard for a long time. This woman needs to be excluded from your life until she learns proper boundaries and how to respect them. To turn up at your parents house uninvited because she knew you were there ..... Eek!!!! This isn't friendship. She stalking you and harassing you and if I were you I'd tell here she's no longer welcome in your home and your life unless or until she learns normal social boundaries. Give her the elbow ASAP...... YANBU .....

dustarr73 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:26:11

Just dont have her over.I would not be able for that,how come you havent lost your shit is beyond me.

If she turns up,dont open the door.
Really its that easy

icanthavepityforsnakes Thu 06-Oct-16 21:28:50

Some people are just cheeky as fuck and will be until told otherwise

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Thu 06-Oct-16 21:31:06

How do you react to this? I can't see how anyone would feel this was normal behaviour! I'd tell her where to stick her sticky fingers if it were a friend of mine!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:32:08

Download some info on being a kleptomamiac and send them to her?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Thu 06-Oct-16 21:33:57

For some reason your description of your friend made me think of the character Daisy from 'Not Going Out'.

And no YANBU, quite frankly it's odd and I'd honestly hate having her round, she sounds like a toddler - having to hide precious things and constantly being on edge/having to be on your guard! At best I'd say it's probably because she feels that comfortable with you/in your home/wearing your perfume... grin

On a side note, I'd unleash seven circles of hell on anyone who dares come into my home and helps themselves to my chocolates!

OhMrsQ Thu 06-Oct-16 21:36:55

I had this friend who would come over and do one of the following:

"Hi, how are you? I need a dump" and proceed straight to my bathroom.

Or, if I then said I wasn't around long as was going out:

"Oh, I'll just stay at yours and nap on your bed while you're gone"

Very, very odd. She was a relatively new friend, and I unfriended her sharpish. For reasons other than the above

LagunaBubbles Thu 06-Oct-16 21:37:40

Come on, you need to say something to her otherwise how does she know shes annoying/upsetting you? Its not really normal behaviour at the end of the day.

LynetteScavo Thu 06-Oct-16 21:37:57

I would have screamed hysterically when she opened the perfume.

Apart from telling her not to open your stuff or not spend time with her, I don't think there's a reasonable way to handle this.

LaundryQueenHatesIroning Thu 06-Oct-16 21:38:29

'This is going to sound odd, but does she have lots of sisters? One of my friends does something similar and when I quizzed her she was hugely apologetic, said this is how she is with her sisters and she does it with her closest female friends without really realising she's doing something inappropriate.'

Funnily enough, ATruth I was just going to ask if she was an only child. I have a friend who looks through all my stuff (not as bad as in the op though and I don't mind) and we talked about why she does this and both came to the conclusion that with no siblings around she doesn't understand boundaries and other peoples stuff is always so interesting! It will be interesting to see what the op says.

Comiconce Thu 06-Oct-16 21:38:41

Seriously? Just no. Any of my friends did this once and they would no longer be my friends and would not be welcome in my home, ever. This is more than just overstepping boundaries. Anyone seen Single White Female? (Showing my age here but suddenly had to think of it...)

Zeeandra Thu 06-Oct-16 21:40:31

I have an open house, make yourself at home thing but this is waaay beyond that. It would drive me mad and I'd have to say something or defriend her.

Zeeandra Thu 06-Oct-16 21:41:04

Comiconce Yes very single white female!

NovemberInDailyFailLand Thu 06-Oct-16 21:41:49

I have sisters, and we're very close, and they would definitely not do this sort of thing! It's very bizarre; I wouldn't want to be friends with her. It would stress me out too much.

Cherrysoup Thu 06-Oct-16 21:51:32

I agree with the screaming at her, I'd go fucking ballistic if one of my mates did this. It's unacceptably rude.

murmuration Thu 06-Oct-16 21:55:56

Woah! This is utterly bizzarre. Also worries me that you think she'd mind if you did it to her - that suggests she is aware this is not normal and she is really walking all over you. Put some boundaries in place.

TheCatsMother99 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:56:27

I'm all for an open house for friends but that is something else!

The next thing she opens without permission I'd say it was a present and she shouldn't have opened it then ask her why she did.

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