So family fall out quite a few years meant that we were stopped having any contact with DH's Dsis and her children. She is an awful individual in my humble opinion but I and dh do love her children, whom we've had no contact with now for nearly four years (she started this almost as a 'punishment' that we disagreed with her over something relatively small - and at the same time her behaviour towards our children actually was quite worrying for a bit - if she did see them she was extremely abusive to them or about them). We have continued to buy her children christmas and birthday presents but I've no idea if these reach the children. Likewise she does for our children as she told my mother in law 'it proves she is a good aunt'. Our children have no memory of her or her children or her dh, the presents confuse them more than anything! likewise I would guess based on their ages when this happened her children are unlikely to remember us. I feel the present thing is so superficial on both sides (criticism of us here as well!) and almost like we're sending a message to our children that its ok for people not to care about you, have a relationship with you as long as they buy you presents. Other problem in this is she just had another child, a child we have never met, never seen, never seen a photo of etc, do we buy a present for this child at christmas for example... it just feels so empty and meaningless to me and materialistically driven - i.e. that giving things is more important than love and relationships? I would love a relationship with our nieces and nephew but she has made it clear we're being punished (what for I'm not sure). Maybe I'm over thinking this... do I just keep this up and keep buying presents for children I miss hugely but don't actually really don't know anymore (no idea of their current interests etc) or even know if they get them and equally accept the presents for our children... or do we just call it a day. And do I buy a present for the child I've never met? Seems a bit odd?! It just all feels so sad, so pointless and the presents seem like an empty reminder of this.
Just for clarification - she has distanced herself from most of family and Dmil pretty much refuses to discuss it. We've tried to approach her over the past four years to at least get to cordial speaking terms but never worked.
What would you do for the best?
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AIBU?
To want to stop buying presents for these children.....
30 replies
FantaDog · 06/10/2016 15:50
OP posts:
hazebaze87 ·
06/10/2016 16:14
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