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To feel a bit humiliated by his reaction

(196 Posts)
gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 00:20:47

At work today was sitting with a group of people I normally sit with, 5 work friends I guess you could call them - been in the job just over a month and we all started together. All seem really nice. It's a grad scheme so almost has a university freshers feel to it, we're all young and have fun together in our free time.

I was idly chatting about wanting to use my languages more in the workplace. One guy in the group also speaks the same foreign language as I do, both as a second language. I asked him if he got much of a chance to practise and must have looked keen ("I'm loooking for someone to practise with" hint hint) as two of my friends burst out laughing (nicely) and slightly took the mickey, insinuating that I wanted him to do it. Was good-natured though!

He kind of stammered and then said something about how his girlfriend had just started to learn a new language, obviously just trying to shoehorn her name into conversation and make it clear he wasn't available! Feel mortified as I definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive in that way at all - was just being friendly and chatty. He then returned to being bantery and friendly confused

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 00:22:29

I just feel embarrassed that my kindness has been misconstrued. Also that he felt the need to warn me off hmm Not to sound really bitchy but he is an average guy (I'm nothing v special) but really do just see him as a friend!! Do I need to adapt my behaviour?!?

Heirhelp Thu 06-Oct-16 00:22:56

I think you are completely over thinking this.

Heirhelp Thu 06-Oct-16 00:25:02

If you feel the need ask some polite questions about his girl friend. Eg If you know he has seen a film with the girl friend ask did you and x enjoy the film last night?

TopazRocks Thu 06-Oct-16 00:28:30

Blimey, it sounds like he overreacted. Are you terribly young? <says an old gimmer> smile You shouldn't over think it. Nor should your colleague/s.

Starbright10 Thu 06-Oct-16 00:30:37

His overreaction - you did nothing wrong!

Bloopbleep Thu 06-Oct-16 00:37:53

It's hard not to overthink these situations but don't feel embarrassed about his misunderstanding. I'd have responded quite bluntly "I don't want to shag you, just to have a conversation" - puts him on the back foot and returns the humiliation to his court.

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 00:41:17

Thanks. This is going to make me sound like an arrogant bitch but he isn't very attractive, I'm objectively fairly attractive (i think) blush Not that it matters but it stings that he was so awkward about it!

LouisvilleLlama Thu 06-Oct-16 00:50:29

Gem I know you said it doesn't matter but it comes across a little ( to me) that you are more thinking of this more as you're somewhat embarrassed because even if it had been a mistake, its a little insulting to you because you are better looking than him.

" it was a misunderstanding, but even so I'm the better looking of us i wouldn't be interested!"

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 00:52:51

Louisville argh that wasn't what I meant blush And I don't simply mean attractive in terms of looks (not to blow own trumpet), just e.g. Being chatty, friendly etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is why did he seem so hideously put-off at the thought of us having a bloody chat when I'm not that terrible-looking anyway?

Heirhelp Thu 06-Oct-16 01:00:38

He may have just worried that you might think he is flirting with you, his girl friend maybe possessive, he may want the world to know he had a girl friend, he maybe socially awkward or a million other reasons which have nothing to do with you.

In the nicest possible way, this probably has nothing to do with you. I would not spend anymore time thinking about it.

TopazRocks Thu 06-Oct-16 01:07:00

OP, I hope you aren't going to tell us you are 'bubbly'. grin Sorry!

Sunshineonacloudyday Thu 06-Oct-16 01:09:38

Oh God really get over yourself he was just making conversation with you. I think he should modify his behaviour with you if you are that sensitive.

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 01:10:05

No not bubbly smile I do think I can scrub up well but equally I'm chatty with everyone at work and easygoing. So that is what I mean re attractive.

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 01:10:23

What sunshine?!

Sunshineonacloudyday Thu 06-Oct-16 01:12:04

why did he seem so hideously put-off at the thought of us having a bloody chat

Maybe he is not overly confident in social situations not everyone is.

gembran Thu 06-Oct-16 01:14:47

He is witty and normally very confident.

Sunshineonacloudyday Thu 06-Oct-16 01:19:42

What are you worried about it was a joke you was having with him and you feel uneasy with the response. How should he have responded to you. Don't tell jokes if you can't handle it.

dovesong Thu 06-Oct-16 01:46:37

Urgh. Hate things like this. Why do men so often think that friendliness means we want to drag them off to our dark lairs and have our wicked way with them? In your dreams, mate.

LouisvilleLlama Thu 06-Oct-16 01:59:18

yes dovesong how dare he mention who he practices with. He should have just done one of the following:
1) yeah I practice with someone, but I can't tell you who
2) what second language? Me?
3) ignored her.
4)changed the subject

Yes how does he have the audacity to answer her question Into a usual amount of detail. It's OP reading too much into this not him by her posts, in fact as I've already posted to mr it reads the other way.

dovesong Thu 06-Oct-16 02:04:45

Alright LouisvilleLlama, that's your opinion and fair enough, I was talking to the op and not attempting to devalue what you said in any way so there's no need to be snippy with me.

WanderingTrolley1 Thu 06-Oct-16 02:07:46

He bruised your ego and that's why you are "mortified".

SoTheySentMeA Thu 06-Oct-16 02:13:29

You're over thinking it OP. Best to just let it go. It doesn't matter what he thought and your friends sound childish.

LouisvilleLlama Thu 06-Oct-16 02:15:36

Dovesong I only referenced my post as it was easier to do that and repost it all. It's just I don't understand how It comes across that he wanted anything more than friendship is all, and I probably was a bit more snappy than intended so I do apologise

dovesong Thu 06-Oct-16 02:23:35

LouisvilleLlama smile I appreciate that, thank you! I hope I wasn't snippy in response.

I think in my first post I was just slightly irritated because when being friendly to men I either find that they get flirty in response or immediately mention a girlfriend, and although I know that wasn't really op's point, it is frustrating because I like having male friends and it's hard to know how to go about getting them these days when it's immediately assumed that all you're after is a date!

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