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To just say what I think?

(19 Posts)
icanthavepityforsnakes Wed 05-Oct-16 21:00:18

My DPs cousin has shacked up with her best friends H. Longggg back story but over the past two months or so the truth has actually come out. She deliberately destroyed her marriage (her DH was apparently crazy but turns out his problem was her being too close to her friends DH and his paranoia was bang on the money) and she's been sleeping with him for a long time - at least a year before he left his wife - HER BEST FRIEND. They also live on the same cul de sac and she's sitting back and watching the bastard ignore his own DC whilst preventing her exh from having a good relationship with her DC. Half of DPs family are all 'oh it's about time you found the one' and 'glad you're so happy' and the other half are secretly steaming with her because of what selfish cunts the pair of them are being (mostly about the emotional turmoil to the children)
Every time we have a family dinner or something she turns the convo round to how people have turned against her for falling in love and what a victim she is. angryangryangry one of her children actually KNEW that the slimeball was sneaking out with her mum and was kept quiet somehow. Disgusted doesn't even come close.
I want to scream. My sister lost her husband to a 'friend' (I know it takes two but the betrayal of the life long friend hurt her most) and DPs cousin actually had the cheek slag off my ex BIL during an Easter family party - while she was shagging her best friends husband and deliberately sabotaging her dcs family to make herself look better.
I'm trying really hard to bite my tongue but I'm sick to fucking death of her trying to discuss it with me and my dp.
WIBU to tell her I'm not surprised people hate the pair of them and the fact their behaviour is hurting several young DC makes me sick to my stomach? My dp shares my opinion but he's so laid back he's practically horizontal. I don't want to punish my soon to be MIL by avoiding gatherings she organises but this is grinding my gears something chronic!!

icanthavepityforsnakes Wed 05-Oct-16 22:42:31

Maybe IABU if nobody has anything to say at all confused

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 05-Oct-16 22:45:18

Just back off. Shits happened now.

My ex is with my best friend. Oh well now she's stuck with him grin

Tell her you don't wish to speak to her about it.

icanthavepityforsnakes Wed 05-Oct-16 22:49:15

I'd hoped my hmm faces would stop her trying to discuss it around me. Then again given her behaviour she obviously doesn't give a fuck does she

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 05-Oct-16 22:50:31

Of course she doesn't give a fuck, they did what they wanted not thinking of anyone else

Your opinion won't phase them. Will just give them more 'poor us, we fell in love that's all' ammo

Just give them the silent treatment

icanthavepityforsnakes Thu 06-Oct-16 08:48:47

Thanks Derek
I will try to do that I'm just a very passionate person and cannot imagine hurting anyone's children let alone my own for the sake of a man. Apparently the other friends of her ex best friend are making her life difficult. And are 'jealous' too hmm I really hate that when people are labelled as jealous in these kind of situations.
Yes I'm sure they're jealous that out of all her friends he chose to leave his wife for YOU. What a catch.

Gatehouse77 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:02:50

I agree with Derek and just don't engage in any conversation about it. Initially, stating that you don't want to and after that just change the subject.

Soyouare2faced Thu 06-Oct-16 09:08:31

I don't see why you think it's your place to comment in the first place. Keep out of it, I also don't think people should turn against her, no one held a gun to his head confused I'm never surprised when best friends go off with there DP as they're obviously similar. My best friend is marrying my ex BF next month, still all friends.
You want to learn to keep your nose out

TaterTots Thu 06-Oct-16 09:22:58

What good will sharing your view do? You say you don't want to offend your MIL - well picking a fight with her niece would be a sure-fire way to do it.

icanthavepityforsnakes Thu 06-Oct-16 16:11:41

Always someone has to start being arsey isn't there. The woman in question tries to engage us in conversations about it! Every time we see her. I wish I didn't know because to be frank I am disgusted at what she has done to her friend and is doing to the children. The guy is a sleazeball and his behaviour doesn't surprise me in the slightest

icanthavepityforsnakes Thu 06-Oct-16 16:13:38

My MIL to be actually shares our opinion and doesn't want to rock the boat.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 06-Oct-16 16:16:19

Well I'm with you OP, when someone is constantly talking about something I don't agree with I find it really hard to keep quiet.

It's not your business but she's making it your business, I think for the sake of familial relations I would just bin off meeting her again. If asked I would say I find it uncomfortable listening to what she's saying as cheating is never ever right. If pressed I would say it to her too.

myownprivateidaho Thu 06-Oct-16 16:18:12

I think you need to dial back your anger. Fine to tell her you don't want to discuss it. But you seem way too emotionally involved and a bit too judgmental. It's not going to be helpful for you or anyone else. You can't police others' relationships (and it wouldn't be desirable if you could). You don't know what is best for your cousin's DC. Just do right by your own DH and DC and disengage from other people's relationships.

FlyingElbows Thu 06-Oct-16 16:22:33

Your dp's cousin is shacked up with her best friend's husband and this is giving you the rage? Step away. Smile and ignore. Get something serious to worry about. Or start a huge Jeremy Kyle style cat fight and family rift over this total non issue which doesn't affect you at all. You don't approve, just tell her that and stop engaging.

Soyouare2faced Thu 06-Oct-16 16:26:44

Totally agree with elbows

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 06-Oct-16 16:42:41

If she actively starts conversations with you about it, smile distantly, maybe say "well what did you really expect?" and turn the conversation.
If she turns another conversation that you're involved in, maybe throw in the same comment and get the conversation back to where it was, if possible.

She's looking for validation for her position - so just say, without anger, without rancour, that she's not going to get it from you.

And then try not to get dragged any further in.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 06-Oct-16 16:44:34

BUT having said that - if you all live locally and her DC are suffering, make sure that they know they can come to yours if they want to, to escape from it all for a bit. If you're a closely knit extended family, then of course you will be affected by seeing the children hurting.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 06-Oct-16 16:58:38

I agree with a calm change of subject or a quiet 'You know how I feel about this whole thing' if she/they try to force the issue on you. If that doesn't work you simply make your excuses and either leave or move off to talk to other people (if you're in a group/party setting).

She's looking for approval, validation of her actions, or sympathy. You are not obliged to provide any of those.

Greyponcho Thu 06-Oct-16 17:26:21

Perhaps mention that you hope he doesn't make a habit of cheating...? if you really want to stir the shit
Otherwise, just ignore, say 'mmm' and change subject, or ask how the kids are adjusting to it all

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