aibu schedule for 6 week old?(38 Posts)
Ds2 is a good sleeper however during the day he really needs quiet to sleep as a result of not getting the quiet he is becoming over tired crying lots and his night time sleep is suffering. I know its over tiredness as on days we are home and he sleeps soundly he sleeps well at night sleeping 8-7 only waking to feed days we have been out he wakes up frequently with no reason.
I mentioned to the hv that I felt I needed to start a schedule for his feeds and sleep as hes a bit all over the place, she made me feel like a terrible mum told me he was far to young to be running to my schedule to suit my needs. I did say I mean more of a routine than a schedule and its for all of us not to suit myself but she says it can be damaging for baby's not to follow them.
AIBU thinking I should be able to get him in to a routine over the next few weeks to help him settle and be happier or do I need to just grin and bare it? DS1 was similar he needed a routine but since he was an only I was able to go along with him for longer.
He's 6 weeks and sleeps all night?? He's probably hungry in the day and needs to wake a bit more. Or about ten other things. Shove him in a sling and he'll sleep surely?
It's far too early, but your hv could have conveyed that in a more gentle way!
My son is nearly 7 and I'm yet to get him into a routine
No harm in trying though. He might decide one for himself and it work.
Of course he is far too young, but no need to tell you you are a bad mum, you were just asking what would be best for him
Ah sorry I'm an idiot - you said wakes to feed. It may be he needs quiet at the moment but it could all change in the next few weeks and it's pretty hard to second guess I'd imagine. I'm afraid I'm with the health visitor - be guided by him, keep him close, feed him on demand and his rhythm will probably emerge. Depends too what you mean by a routine - if you just mean eg noticing when he is sleepy and trying to be home around that time, that makes sense!
Personally I'd just try and ride it all out. Congratulations on your lovely baby x
Both mine were in a routine from coming home from the hospital. It's really not this "leave them cry or deny them food or panic when they don't slot in" nightmare that seems to be described.
I offered milk every three hours. After each feed they had their bums done and got swaddled and put down for a sleep. If they woke and had a while til the next feed time we would go for a walk or they'd lay on their play mat or I'd sing songs. Feeds were never far off as they both slept loads at that age.
A routine totally worked for both my babies even though they both had vastly different temperaments. It worked for dh and I too which was a bonus, and if you want to try and implement a routine then go for it!
If the baby or you don't take to it, then you can adjust. It isn't carved in stone.
Nepqueen, you had extraordinary babies, that slept an exorbitant amount. They just happened to fit into what you wanted, by coincidence, few of us are that lucky. It certainly wasn't by any decision or action of yours, and it is unfair to imply that it was
But had I not tried a routine I'd not have known.
There could be countless babies who respond well to routine but if a routine isn't attempted then we don't know.
I'm not saying it should be attempted- it doesn't suit many parents - but what I am saying is give it a go. Try. If it doesn't work then go back to how things are.
I also say a routine worked for both my babies - I've not taken credit for their amenability to a routine!
The problem I'm having with following the baby is twice a day I do the school run I dont drive so it's a 45 min round trip sometimes he wants fed half way there or back and scream it doesn't matter if he's in the sling or the pram. Also do works a lot in the evening so homework time for ds1 is being interrupted by ds2 wanting fed or crying for sleep ds1 needs to be able to concentrate as hes only just started.
He's put himself into the night time pattern of 8-10-1-4.30-7 I was really just hoping to build on that. At the moment ds1 is missing my attention as I'm constantly having to make him wait while I deal with the baby it's really getting me down.
You can try manipulate a baby's routine if you're at your wits end but I don't recommend it otherwise. Some mums I know give formula at night (maximum per age) & baby will sleep like a dream. Then in morning bm until you want them to sleep then it's formula. Basically the satiating feed makes some baby fall asleep
Surely in most families with baby 1 your routine can work around theirs, but baby 2 has to fit in the older child's routine?
YANBU to start thinking about how you can manipulate your baby's feeds/ sleep/wake/change routine to fit in with the rest of the family,
The only way I managed to tweek my little babies schedule
can't remember the age exactly, but really young was to do top up feeds before getting into the car for the school run, or to get to the grocery store. I did lots of long drives unfortunately, so needed to drive 30 40 mins at a time without baby screaming for food. He seemed to tolerate this, and if he started to fall asleep within 30 40 mins of me needing to leave the house, I would put him into the baby car seat to sleep, it was a graco that clipped onto a base in the car, so I could move him without waking him.
Completely second what NapQueen said in her first post.
We had a very similar experience. Not once did we withhold food from our baby or ignore crying, we just woke her up for a feed every 3 hours at the beginning. When we left her longer (sometimes, she would cheerfully sleep for 4 and a half or even 5 hours during the day), she would wake up hungry and panicking. She would then become so hysterical, she wouldn't feed properly - gulping, too much wind, etc. It could take an hour or so to calm her down.
A routine suited her and us very well. She's a great little sleeper which I know is not down to the routine, it's just a lucky break we got, but the routine definitely helped her to understand what was going to happen when, and both she and I benefited hugely from that predictability. She's a gorgeous little smiler these days (6 months) and we're happy.
No one needs to try it who doesn't want to, but by the same token, no one should feel the need to tear others down for trying something which works for many.
I'm afraid that juggle between the kids is how it is now- life with two is hard. They always want all your attention at the same time. By all means try a routine. You might be lucky. I tried my hardest with both of mine but they woke often and slept rarely! And my littlest always demanded a feed at the most inopportune moments... Worse with my second, but she was an unusually difficult baby (a lovely girl now though ).
Mine resisted routines until about 10months. I BF on demand in baby carrier until around 6months, he liked feeding on the move and was happiest sleeping/feeding on my chest.
Sound s like you just want to move it around a bit so that it works for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. It seems to me that second and subsequent kids are happie for having to fit round family life a bit. I bf both mine and it all worked out in the end, mind you, it always seemed to me that just as I decided that a particular approach/ routine worked for my baby, they send to change on to a new one. It's all about going through phases with babies.
But yes, a loving nudge in the right direction could be good.
Is your health visitor a mum?
No my health visitor is not a mum. So far since yesterday I have fed him every 3 hours-ish (unless he cried) then made sure he sleeps for at least an hour and we have had no crying and a good night sleep. If it keeps up I should have an hour between 4-5 for homework and dinner.
happyinlondon the panic seems to be what happens to him he sleeps past a feed then freaks out.
My son is 7 months yet and I can't get him into a daytime routine at all, he does what he wants. Tbh I feel much better now I've stopped trying!
I think 6 weeks is way too young for a routine personally. If overtiredness is an issue try dark rooms, swaddle, white noise, dummy, not too much stimulation.
I completely 100% go with NapQueen. It worked for me, my DD is still a fantastic sleeper and eater now at 8, and I am sure it is because of her baby routine, which lucky, she loved.
A gentle, "lets aim for this" type routine totally worked for us both times too. And kept me sane. Give it a go; see how it works but you're absolutely not harming him; what a ridiculous and unprofessional thing for her to have said.
Goodness! How well does the HV know your DS?!!
Do what you think and feel and know to be right for your children.
All the other posters are trying to help but what their children do is not necessarily relevant.
DD went into a routine at 3 weeks and it was never a struggle, we were lucky, she did exactly what the book said routine wise at every stage. It worked for us and made my life happier as I knew when I could sleep, go out etc. She is a fabulous sleeper and loves a lunchtime nap still. Do what is right for you. Some mothers love a routine and it works for them whilst others prefer flexibility
Agree with nap queen. My ds is the same. Routine suited him.
He's fed every three hours like clockwork since about day 3.
He's sleep through since about 12 weeks.
If he cried for food before three hours I feed him obviously but it's nit often it happens.
Routine is not damaging. Sure it doesn't work for everyone, but it's those who didn't get on with it saying your baby us far too young. I disagree.
My sleep consultant reckons dc3 needs to be in a routine at 10 days old. I have no idea how she thinks this will happen, but she is saying I can feed at 5.30pm and the baby will sleep 6.30-8.30 so I can do bath, books, bed with my 4 and 2yo. I think she is living on another planet, but I'm going to have to try as I have no other options.
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